A Shadow On The Street
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Ronald and Julio"One man's blessing can be another's curse.
10 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I had to read this part before reading the next. How did I miss this?? What a terrible thing to happen in one family, but I'm sure it does happen a lot. I wonder if Mrs Hernandez will blame Lew for losing her both her sons. I hope not. I'm going to find out now. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
  |
I had to read this part before reading the next. How did I miss this?? What a terrible thing to happen in one family, but I'm sure it does happen a lot. I wonder if Mrs Hernandez will blame Lew for losing her both her sons. I hope not. I'm going to find out now. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 28-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
-
Thank you for your kind words. We might see Mrs. Hernandez later.
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Papa55mike, a tremendous Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well, in good health and spirit. Thank you for another great and engaging chapter of your book. I really admire Lew for what he chooses to do with his powers, a lesser person would definitely use them for nefarious reasons. Good job and have a good day!
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
|
Hello Papa55mike, a tremendous Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well, in good health and spirit. Thank you for another great and engaging chapter of your book. I really admire Lew for what he chooses to do with his powers, a lesser person would definitely use them for nefarious reasons. Good job and have a good day!
Comment Written 13-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
-
Hello, my friend! May thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from GWHARGIS
I love Lews gut wrenching honesty. In this chapter finding the truth really didnt fix things. Just like real life. Both are guilty. One of murder and the other of protecting his brother. Blood is thicker than water. Like the character interaction. Another superb chapter. Have a great week. Gretchen
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2020
|
I love Lews gut wrenching honesty. In this chapter finding the truth really didnt fix things. Just like real life. Both are guilty. One of murder and the other of protecting his brother. Blood is thicker than water. Like the character interaction. Another superb chapter. Have a great week. Gretchen
Comment Written 12-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from JudyE
I enjoyed this, thanks. I wonder how many people have protected family members in this way? Many, I would think.
I picked up a few points:
"How can you not love that?" - I'm not sure why there are quote marks around this.
'Yeah, you're hiding from humanity," we both laugh. - should be double quotes before 'Yeah'. Period after 'humanity'
"Dear sir," - delete quote marks after 'sir'
"What can you tell me about, Ronald Hernandez?" - delete comma
Who wiped the fingerprints off of the gun? - delete 'of'
"Are you sure, Lew. - question mark after 'Lew'
Ben's office is close to where you enter - I might have said 'is close to the entry'
His black hair is disheveled, and Ronald's eyes peer at the floor - I would have just said 'his eyes'
He snatched the money then ran but not you. - comma after 'ran'
It was you who wiped the fingerprints off of the gun - delete 'of'
"You know everything, tell me." - replace comma with a period.
"Only a pair of black, Chuck Taylor's and ragged bluejeans." - delete comma after 'black'
"It can't be much worse than where we live. Can it Caleb?" - I think this should be "It can't be much worse than where we live, can it Caleb?"
She turns and says, "Mama, there's somebody is to here to see you." - delete first 'to'
"What can we do now, Mr. Bradley." - question mark after 'Bradley'
"Yes, Rosie and Julio come out here." - comma after 'Julio'
Tell the truth and lift that enormous burden off of your soul. - delete 'of'
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
 |
I enjoyed this, thanks. I wonder how many people have protected family members in this way? Many, I would think.
I picked up a few points:
"How can you not love that?" - I'm not sure why there are quote marks around this.
'Yeah, you're hiding from humanity," we both laugh. - should be double quotes before 'Yeah'. Period after 'humanity'
"Dear sir," - delete quote marks after 'sir'
"What can you tell me about, Ronald Hernandez?" - delete comma
Who wiped the fingerprints off of the gun? - delete 'of'
"Are you sure, Lew. - question mark after 'Lew'
Ben's office is close to where you enter - I might have said 'is close to the entry'
His black hair is disheveled, and Ronald's eyes peer at the floor - I would have just said 'his eyes'
He snatched the money then ran but not you. - comma after 'ran'
It was you who wiped the fingerprints off of the gun - delete 'of'
"You know everything, tell me." - replace comma with a period.
"Only a pair of black, Chuck Taylor's and ragged bluejeans." - delete comma after 'black'
"It can't be much worse than where we live. Can it Caleb?" - I think this should be "It can't be much worse than where we live, can it Caleb?"
She turns and says, "Mama, there's somebody is to here to see you." - delete first 'to'
"What can we do now, Mr. Bradley." - question mark after 'Bradley'
"Yes, Rosie and Julio come out here." - comma after 'Julio'
Tell the truth and lift that enormous burden off of your soul. - delete 'of'
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 12-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
-
Many thanks for all of your help with this book. It is deeply appreciated!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from estory
There's plenty of emotion in this piece, and I like that it's all coming out through the dialogue. Those face to face conversations are the meat on the bones of this. They make the whole thing come alive in emotional terms. We really have a gut wrenching story here of drug addiction and innocent people covering for those they love. A complicated story and there's no end in sight. Good job with this. estory
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
|
There's plenty of emotion in this piece, and I like that it's all coming out through the dialogue. Those face to face conversations are the meat on the bones of this. They make the whole thing come alive in emotional terms. We really have a gut wrenching story here of drug addiction and innocent people covering for those they love. A complicated story and there's no end in sight. Good job with this. estory
Comment Written 11-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from BethShelby
This is an interesting chapter. I think I answered the wrong one earlier. I saw you had new writing on line and when I clicked on your name one from four months ago came up. I see Lew is someone who can see what is going on in people's minds. No wonder he able to help the police.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
|
This is an interesting chapter. I think I answered the wrong one earlier. I saw you had new writing on line and when I clicked on your name one from four months ago came up. I see Lew is someone who can see what is going on in people's minds. No wonder he able to help the police.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
-
Hello, my friend! Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from Sally Law
This is another good chapter and developing story, Mike. It felt very real as well as your town setting.
Some improvements for your consideration. I'm in copy editing right now with my novella and will lend you some things I have recently gleaned.
-"Dear Sir, " (I know this one from being a secretary at a law firm.)
-Prosecutor or state prosecutor is not capitalized here unless is is a part of the title like it is in my crime novella. "Louisiana's State Prosecutor, Roy Fitzgerald Owens, met before the Grand Jury seeking an indictment."
You have also capitalized Prosecuting Attorney. "The prosecuting attorney ...."
-Same for police headquarters. Memphis Cental Police Headquarters is the name so it is capitalized. See the difference?
A "grocery store" verses Kroger Supermarket. I notice this throughout your article.
Is Casino's in Tunica the name? It sounds like a casino that is located in Tunica, Mississippi. If this is an area of casinos, then say, "leads to the well-known strip of casinos."
Your stories are good and pleasingly filled with the spiritual theme of God's love and redemption.
I hope you'll take the time to add these corrections for polishing. If you decide to publish this novella, you'll be glad you did. :)
Sending you my best today as always, and blessings in Christ,
Sally xoxo
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
|
This is another good chapter and developing story, Mike. It felt very real as well as your town setting.
Some improvements for your consideration. I'm in copy editing right now with my novella and will lend you some things I have recently gleaned.
-"Dear Sir, " (I know this one from being a secretary at a law firm.)
-Prosecutor or state prosecutor is not capitalized here unless is is a part of the title like it is in my crime novella. "Louisiana's State Prosecutor, Roy Fitzgerald Owens, met before the Grand Jury seeking an indictment."
You have also capitalized Prosecuting Attorney. "The prosecuting attorney ...."
-Same for police headquarters. Memphis Cental Police Headquarters is the name so it is capitalized. See the difference?
A "grocery store" verses Kroger Supermarket. I notice this throughout your article.
Is Casino's in Tunica the name? It sounds like a casino that is located in Tunica, Mississippi. If this is an area of casinos, then say, "leads to the well-known strip of casinos."
Your stories are good and pleasingly filled with the spiritual theme of God's love and redemption.
I hope you'll take the time to add these corrections for polishing. If you decide to publish this novella, you'll be glad you did. :)
Sending you my best today as always, and blessings in Christ,
Sally xoxo
Comment Written 11-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
-
Hi, Sally! Many thanks for your kind words and for your help with this story. It is deeply appreciated!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from nancy_e_davis
What a sad story. Ronald is exonerated but his brother is guilty and his brother has a wife and a baby. Mrs. Hernandez, has her truth. It saved one son but convicts the other. Now she has lost both sons. The charges will be dropped on Ronald, but he's still an accessory to murder. He'll probably have to serve some time. Drugs! I wish the authorities could win the battle over the drug dealers and drug lords. Well done, Mike. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
|
What a sad story. Ronald is exonerated but his brother is guilty and his brother has a wife and a baby. Mrs. Hernandez, has her truth. It saved one son but convicts the other. Now she has lost both sons. The charges will be dropped on Ronald, but he's still an accessory to murder. He'll probably have to serve some time. Drugs! I wish the authorities could win the battle over the drug dealers and drug lords. Well done, Mike. Nancy:)
Comment Written 11-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
-
Hi, Nancy! Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review.
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from country ranch writer
Being able to reach out to save others is a passion he deals with every day a kind soul he is saving others with his gift
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
 |
Being able to reach out to save others is a passion he deals with every day a kind soul he is saving others with his gift
Comment Written 11-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and for those shiny six stars. They are deeply appreciated.
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
-
Hey poppa Mike smiles
Comment from Aaqib Naeem
Whoa your word count threw me off first but when I started reading I begun to really like your writing style. Good scene development between the dialogues and the font size helped in the reading experience as well. Keep up the good work and the word count for each chapter wont be a problem at all! Cheers :-)
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
|
Whoa your word count threw me off first but when I started reading I begun to really like your writing style. Good scene development between the dialogues and the font size helped in the reading experience as well. Keep up the good work and the word count for each chapter wont be a problem at all! Cheers :-)
Comment Written 11-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review. I'll be by to read.
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
