Secret Memories
Free Verse26 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Congrats on your recognition for this lovely verse--I don't know about you but I'm not surprised! The furled tips teasing...seeping into sucking sand earns your stars in itself. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
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Congrats on your recognition for this lovely verse--I don't know about you but I'm not surprised! The furled tips teasing...seeping into sucking sand earns your stars in itself. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 09-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
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Hi Liz... thank you so very much for the lovely comments on my FV poem. So very glad you liked it!!
Melissa
Comment from poetwatch
That the place to be with your memories, out in the clear blue sea waiting to see what inspires thee. I love the ocean for the freedom it gives, Melissa. Yet, one must not become to lost in thought, for then to the bottom one goes as the sea runs up your nose. :)
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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That the place to be with your memories, out in the clear blue sea waiting to see what inspires thee. I love the ocean for the freedom it gives, Melissa. Yet, one must not become to lost in thought, for then to the bottom one goes as the sea runs up your nose. :)
Comment Written 07-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Thank you Jose. I hope this daydreamer does not sink to the bottom... haha. Fun review!
Melissa
Comment from judiverse
You really capture a moment in time with your free verse. This is a person who seems unaware of his surroundings. Though the sea attempts to entice him and the waves tickle his toes, he doesn't succumb. Maybe his thoughts mean more than the sights before him. Great words to describe him--absorbed, withdrawn. Nice alliteration with seep, sucking, and sand. Lovely presentation. judi
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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You really capture a moment in time with your free verse. This is a person who seems unaware of his surroundings. Though the sea attempts to entice him and the waves tickle his toes, he doesn't succumb. Maybe his thoughts mean more than the sights before him. Great words to describe him--absorbed, withdrawn. Nice alliteration with seep, sucking, and sand. Lovely presentation. judi
Comment Written 07-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Hello Judi. Thanks so very much! I am glad you liked this reverie by the sea... :)
Melissa
Comment from Minglement
Wow, you have produced some beautiful imagery with you carefully chosen word for this free verse poetry contest. I love the ocean for all the images you created here. Sad ending though. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Wow, you have produced some beautiful imagery with you carefully chosen word for this free verse poetry contest. I love the ocean for all the images you created here. Sad ending though. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Hello there! Thank you for your great comments and thoughts on this verse!!
Melissa
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You are most welcome :)
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Melissa
I enjoyed your poem. It caused me to remember Seaview Beach in Prince Edward Island.... beautiful reddish brown sand, crab shells, sandpipers, foamy waves charging up the beach, fishing boats on the horizon as the sun slowly goes down. Time to put your brain in neutral, and just let memories take over. You become one with the ocean, your veritable neighbor. It's almost like you're hypnotized. But seconds don't stop. The tide creeps in. Your feet sink in the sand. Now your jeans get soaked. That wakes you up pretty quickly.
My favorite lines,
"on the edge of silence"
"He sits on the edge,
the very edge."
Nice alliteration here,
"Furled tips tease his toes
then seep into the sucking sand"
Nicely penned! We always took our kids to PEI for a week every summer. Beautiful place.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Hi Melissa
I enjoyed your poem. It caused me to remember Seaview Beach in Prince Edward Island.... beautiful reddish brown sand, crab shells, sandpipers, foamy waves charging up the beach, fishing boats on the horizon as the sun slowly goes down. Time to put your brain in neutral, and just let memories take over. You become one with the ocean, your veritable neighbor. It's almost like you're hypnotized. But seconds don't stop. The tide creeps in. Your feet sink in the sand. Now your jeans get soaked. That wakes you up pretty quickly.
My favorite lines,
"on the edge of silence"
"He sits on the edge,
the very edge."
Nice alliteration here,
"Furled tips tease his toes
then seep into the sucking sand"
Nicely penned! We always took our kids to PEI for a week every summer. Beautiful place.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Hello KB... thank you for the lovely review. I love going to Virginia Beach and letting my toes sink into the sand... Much appreciated.
Melissa
Comment from Diana L Crawford
This is magical and mysterious and i love it! Perfect free verse format! your descriptive words take me right there on the beach with him! thanks for sharing this beauty! xoxo
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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This is magical and mysterious and i love it! Perfect free verse format! your descriptive words take me right there on the beach with him! thanks for sharing this beauty! xoxo
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Hi Diana... thank you for your wonderful review. This was our last assignment in the FS Free Verse class which ended last night. I really appreciate your thoughts on it.
Melissa
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Congrats on completing the class! You did awesome on this! xoxo
Comment from juliaSjames
A most beautiful portrayal of self absorption, Melissa. I admire the structure and flow of your free verse. The beginning draws the reader into the write until we become your character, hypnotized by the ocean he doesn't consciously see.
Wonderful ending of contrast, "rising tide and setting sun".
Please see below an alternative structure for the second stanza. This is how it sounded to my ear. But it's just a suggestion.
"absorbed,
withdrawn,
unseeing gaze fixed
on the sea,
he sits on the edge...
the very edge."
Best of luck in the contest with this superb entry.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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A most beautiful portrayal of self absorption, Melissa. I admire the structure and flow of your free verse. The beginning draws the reader into the write until we become your character, hypnotized by the ocean he doesn't consciously see.
Wonderful ending of contrast, "rising tide and setting sun".
Please see below an alternative structure for the second stanza. This is how it sounded to my ear. But it's just a suggestion.
"absorbed,
withdrawn,
unseeing gaze fixed
on the sea,
he sits on the edge...
the very edge."
Best of luck in the contest with this superb entry.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much Julia... I will ponder your points that you suggested. Thank you for these ideas and suggestions!!
Melissa
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It's a beautiful poem, Melissa
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello Melissa, this is a very well written free verse. There is something ominous about the scene. We guess what is going to happen but we are left wondering. A good ending where it is intended that we should be left wondering. Glorious picture.
Yet, he remains unaware
of the rising tide
and setting sun........ A good free verse and I wish you good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Hello Melissa, this is a very well written free verse. There is something ominous about the scene. We guess what is going to happen but we are left wondering. A good ending where it is intended that we should be left wondering. Glorious picture.
Yet, he remains unaware
of the rising tide
and setting sun........ A good free verse and I wish you good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Hello Dorothy. Yes, this FV is a bit ambiguous and obscure... that was the point this time :). LOL. Each reviewer has had a different take on it. its been fun to read them. Thank you.
Melissa
Comment from Mistydawn
What a breathtaking picture, absolutely gorgeous. Your poem is very well-written, descriptive. Like all your other poems I felt like I was there, watching the man on the shoreline. Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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What a breathtaking picture, absolutely gorgeous. Your poem is very well-written, descriptive. Like all your other poems I felt like I was there, watching the man on the shoreline. Very nicely done.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Hello Misty. Thank you for your lovely words... this was the final assignment for the FS Free Verse class that wrapped up last night. I thought I would share it with you all. :)
Melissa
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I'm so glad you did. I'm sure your teacher will be pleased.
Comment from Pantygynt
This shows the advantage of two things, revisiting and revising a poem several times prior to posting, is the first. Full and frank discussion with fellow poets is the second. Thanks to all who took part in that discussion, this post proves how worth while it was.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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This shows the advantage of two things, revisiting and revising a poem several times prior to posting, is the first. Full and frank discussion with fellow poets is the second. Thanks to all who took part in that discussion, this post proves how worth while it was.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Thanks for all of the lessons and instruction in technique... I really, really enjoyed this class and the interaction with the others too. I wish we had been able to sit around a dining table and just hash out every point and nuance of FV... TS3 is a good alternative. Thanks so much, Jim.
Melissa
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Thank you, Melissa, for this acknowledgement of the class's value. I am thrilled that you feel you have got so much out of it. Thank you also for your input. It wouldn't have been the same without your contributions to its success.
