Reviews from

It's Always Been About Water

Memoir - Theme of life

18 total reviews 
Comment from May 1
Excellent
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Wow, that's such an interesting view of water. That is impressive, you are so lucky. Wow staring down a barrel of a revolver must have been terrifying. This is such a wonderful and unique story, I really enjoyed reading it.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
    Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! A good bit of my life I've had shriveled fingertips. So glad you took a look at this story.
    God bless and my best,
    Relda
Comment from lyenochka
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Wow! I loved this as an introduction to your memoirs. You had me completely engaged in your writing. I think the overabundance of "I" is inevitable in memoirs.

I loved the beginning which was full of parataxis (short phrases that painted a picture.)

If you want to decrease the number of first person pronouns, you could remove the level of certainty phrases such as : "I admit I am" and "I am convinced I "

Another thing you could do is to replace statements like "I have no fear of water" with a personification of water. Water doesn't frighten me.

Just some suggestions. Please feel free to ignore and best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
    lyenochka - I appreciate, so much, your comments and I've written down your insight of reducing the 'I's'. Thank you so much!
    God bless and my best,
    Relda
Comment from Natalie Goodwin
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This is an excellent piece that demonstrates your connection to water. Because it's a piece for a memoir don't worry so much about overusing "I". Years ago I was told not to use "I" in opinion pieces. But since the memoir is about you the "I" is fine.

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2020
    Natalie - I was in the process of responding and something went ca-flooey with my computer. Don't know if was saved or not. Soooo, you may get two responses.
    I want to say thanks for your review and insight into using the 'I' word. I was taught as a child (don't remember who or when) that using it was tantamount to bragging. It's weird how things like that stick with you.
    God bless and my best,
    Relda
Comment from estory
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I liked it. I thought it actually seemed like good prose poetry, especially in the opening sequence, and it reminded me a lot of Jack Anderson, particularly Cafeterias and The Mysterious Sound and Scenario for a Long Movie. There's as much musical elements to your language, based on the patterns of repeating words and phrases, as anything else. I also like how you kind of build a portrait of a life around this image of water; this one image that permeates so much of all of our lives, and we see all kinds of situations that shape your soul through it. I think it's very strong and has a lot of potential. Wish I had a six for it. Write on! estory

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2020
    Hi - I had a reply written and hit the save at the precise moment my computer went ca-flooey ? so you may get two.
    Thank you for the thoughtful review.
    Thanks for the 'musical elements' in particular. Everyone in my family sings and plays instruments ? WELL. I can't carry a note in a bucket. I did write a ballad, Daddy Daddy, on FS a long, long time ago. I can here the score and the tempo every time I read it ? but I guess it's just for me. There's no way I could every sing it for someone else.
    And thanks for the six-wish.
    God bless and my best,
    Relda (and Save)
    Thanks for the six-wish.
Comment from sandramitchell
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You've certainly had an interesting life, and I think your memoirs would be a really exciting book to read. The word 'I' is a lot better than, 'me' lol. If it needs to be there, put it there. I enjoyed reading this part, and hope you'll start writing more about the things you've told us, on here. Well done. :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2020
    Sandra - thanks so much.
    Look forward to talking back and forth.
    Reldaa
Comment from flylikeaneagle
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Relda: Tim Grahl teaches people on memoirs. He wrote a story about his travels in Paris as a memoir. I like water, too. Taught swimming and water aerobics for years. My daughters are water babies and swam in swim teams. Great story about your love of swimming and saving lives. flylikeaneagle

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2020
    Thanks for the tip on Tim. I'll check it out.
    Thanks for the comments and review.
    God bless and my best,
    Relda
reply by flylikeaneagle on 01-Feb-2020
    Relda: go online with Jerry Jenkins. He gives free writing advise. Enjoy your weekend. flylikeaneagle - nancy
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
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Yup, the "I" word means first person, so if we are speaking about ourselves that's what we use. I don't like writing about myself either that's why a lot of times I write fiction. Liked your water adventures. Water can be a problem unless we drink or sip a glass of water.

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 31-Jan-2020
    So true!
    Thanks for your reading and your review.
    Appreciate you.
    Relda
Comment from Susan Larson
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Having grown up on a Great Lake, I relate to almost everything you wrote, except that I do have a fear, or at least great respect for water after having been drawn up in an undertow in the ocean. I am now 72, my husband 75. W live on a lake and keep saying some night we are going to skinny dip in the moonlight. I'll let you know if we ever do. ; )

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 31-Jan-2020
    Hi, Susan.
    A Great Lake - now there's a place you can 'not see the shore' ? and the waves!! I might have to rethink the no fear if I was there. Never been in an undertow either ? thank's for making me get off my high-water-horse.
    Skinny dipping in the moonlight - now that's a way to keep a marriage interesting. You both have my encouragement - I'll hold you to the head's up!
    Oh ? great cat!
    Relda
Comment from Debbie Pope
Excellent
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I wish that I had a six star rating to award this post. I really like the way that you write. This would be the perfect prologue to your memoir. From the events that you recite, I would say that you have plenty of experiences to compose a wonderful memoir. Your experiences with water are unique. With all the dangerous things that you mention, I find it so strange to think that you feel the need for a gun. That fact really drives home your relationship with water. On land, you are like a fish without it.
I intend to fan you. I really like your style.

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 31-Jan-2020
    I'm honored by your comments. And thanks for the encouragement to go for the memoir.
    Will be looking for your posts as well.

    Relda
Comment from w.j.debi
Excellent
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I enjoyed reading your memoir. It seems water has been a great companion, thought you many things, and led your into numerous adventure. You tease us with some great examples which you could expand inanlngr work.
In your notes you mention how many times you use the word "I". It was not noticeable because you used the word only as needed and it fit in so naturally.

 Comment Written 30-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 31-Jan-2020
    Thank you for your review and comments. I've decided to go for the memoirs ? trying to figure out how the 'book' function works on FS, specifically if you can rearrange page order when new chapters are added.
    Appreciate you,
    Relda
reply by w.j.debi on 31-Jan-2020
    Good for you. As far as the book function, I don't think it puts page numbers, but it will put the chapters in order by the number you assign.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2020