Children of None
Free verse22 total reviews
Comment from Mark Valentine
Writing in the first person and making all the actors be children give this a personal feel and placing it the poet's past so that she's trying to reach back across time ( " but the years won't let me through") gives it a haunting quality.
Of course, the story has happened anew with every generation, and is happening now on our southern border with particular cruelty.
Your manner of telling the story captures the human face of those on the outside looking in.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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Writing in the first person and making all the actors be children give this a personal feel and placing it the poet's past so that she's trying to reach back across time ( " but the years won't let me through") gives it a haunting quality.
Of course, the story has happened anew with every generation, and is happening now on our southern border with particular cruelty.
Your manner of telling the story captures the human face of those on the outside looking in.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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Yes, I hate what is happening on our southern border. It is a time of shame for the US - for this and so many other things. THanks, Mark,
Carol
Comment from lyenochka
It's surprising how children enact prejudice whether it is modeled by parents or not. They just know when another group is different. I like how you brought to life a memory and end with a solution to do something about it.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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It's surprising how children enact prejudice whether it is modeled by parents or not. They just know when another group is different. I like how you brought to life a memory and end with a solution to do something about it.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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I think the parents have a lot to do with it, but who knows. Thank you for reading,
Carol
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello Carol, this is a most unusual, very imaginative free verse. It is biographical and rather sad. The comparison between the children is really stark. When we are young we are very aware of the differences in children from different backgrounds. Those that come from what we call 'posh' homes. Some are excluded by other children for one reason or another. I feel you are using the snow as a metaphor for cold exclusion. I had to read it several times - enjoying it always, but I interpret it the way I think it is meant to be and I may be wrong. But this is a well written poem. Warm regards Dorothy xxx
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Hello Carol, this is a most unusual, very imaginative free verse. It is biographical and rather sad. The comparison between the children is really stark. When we are young we are very aware of the differences in children from different backgrounds. Those that come from what we call 'posh' homes. Some are excluded by other children for one reason or another. I feel you are using the snow as a metaphor for cold exclusion. I had to read it several times - enjoying it always, but I interpret it the way I think it is meant to be and I may be wrong. But this is a well written poem. Warm regards Dorothy xxx
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Hi Dorothy, you know what, I recently found out that our parents used to lock all the doors when we went to school and they left for work - so the poem started with us standing in the snow after we walked home from school. Our home and clothing were definitely not posh at all, although we had plenty to eat. My brother used to climb up on the deck and get into the house somehow. I was young enough that I didn't realize we were locked out, ha ha. Its kind of painful knowing that now though...
Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Poignant depiction of insider/outsider dichotomy. Creative contrasting imagery: Well-fed but hollow-eyed; not ragged but poorly-dressed.
Also vivid: eyes skating away...safe-clusters...slick with cherries and chocolate...self-satisfied..facing inwards. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Poignant depiction of insider/outsider dichotomy. Creative contrasting imagery: Well-fed but hollow-eyed; not ragged but poorly-dressed.
Also vivid: eyes skating away...safe-clusters...slick with cherries and chocolate...self-satisfied..facing inwards. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Thanks, all based on actual things that happened, lol. No wonder I don't miss those days!!
Carol
Comment from phill doran
Hello Carol
A super piece of work again. The honesty of children is commonplace but it is, of course, a two-edged sword. Childhood cruelty is perforce undeveloped and unsophisticated. Adults are more subtle - the sentiment is the same though, it is just restrained in the older, darker heart.
It is doubly cruel that we remember these ancient pains so vividly and it is sometimes difficult to trawl through them. Many readers will relate directly to your sentiment, or translate it into something similar.
But everyone carries a burden and victors will also have moments when they were victims, suffering a sorrow "behind blue eyes".
You have worked with beautifully simple images, inside/outside, and the limitless time of childhood represented by the memory of endless snow - some sore-to-the -touch realities "...poorly dressed, / and not well-liked and they know it..."
I always have many sixes left at the end of the week, because I read a lot but little 'sparks' for me. Your writing is an exception, and is often exceptional.
I am grateful you have shared this piece.
...and I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Hello Carol
A super piece of work again. The honesty of children is commonplace but it is, of course, a two-edged sword. Childhood cruelty is perforce undeveloped and unsophisticated. Adults are more subtle - the sentiment is the same though, it is just restrained in the older, darker heart.
It is doubly cruel that we remember these ancient pains so vividly and it is sometimes difficult to trawl through them. Many readers will relate directly to your sentiment, or translate it into something similar.
But everyone carries a burden and victors will also have moments when they were victims, suffering a sorrow "behind blue eyes".
You have worked with beautifully simple images, inside/outside, and the limitless time of childhood represented by the memory of endless snow - some sore-to-the -touch realities "...poorly dressed, / and not well-liked and they know it..."
I always have many sixes left at the end of the week, because I read a lot but little 'sparks' for me. Your writing is an exception, and is often exceptional.
I am grateful you have shared this piece.
...and I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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The blue eyes were the ones who disliked us. We're half Italian and dark, not to mention the unpronounceable last name. Thank you for another great review, which helps me get through these (still) painful memories! Oh yes, we were indeed locked outside of our house when we got home from school, all seasons of the year (in Montana)
Carol
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Wow -- a very touching offering that creates a beautiful yet heart-breaking metaphor for those 'on the outside, looking in'.... love the way you make the reader re-examine much about the way they see things! ;) Thanx for sharing, Carol! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Wow -- a very touching offering that creates a beautiful yet heart-breaking metaphor for those 'on the outside, looking in'.... love the way you make the reader re-examine much about the way they see things! ;) Thanx for sharing, Carol! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Metaphorical and literal, unfortunately. Thanks,
Carol
Comment from Drew Delaney
What a sad poem! I read it a couple of times and found it to be really is a tearjerker. I see that it is biographical.
they are shy, and they are lonely. (Capital letter for they, They)
(A simple gesture)
A very sad scene. I wish our countries would just get over prejudice and race issues.
Very well done
Drew
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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What a sad poem! I read it a couple of times and found it to be really is a tearjerker. I see that it is biographical.
they are shy, and they are lonely. (Capital letter for they, They)
(A simple gesture)
A very sad scene. I wish our countries would just get over prejudice and race issues.
Very well done
Drew
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Prejudice isn't reserved for racial issues. In our case, we had dark coloring from the Italian heritage on our father's side. But mostly we were shy and awkward, lol. Easy targets I suppose!
Carol
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My family on my mother?s side were part native. My grandparents suffered and kept to themselves because of a darker colouring. I know what it is like.
Comment from Joan E.
I admired the vivid contrast you described between the accepted children and the "always-outside children" intensified by the "snowfall". I am sorry you were one of those with the "unpronounceable name"--I can relate, since my maiden name is Venezia. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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I admired the vivid contrast you described between the accepted children and the "always-outside children" intensified by the "snowfall". I am sorry you were one of those with the "unpronounceable name"--I can relate, since my maiden name is Venezia. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Oh so you are Italian too! My maiden name is Ciliberti, I sometimes wish I had kept it - instead of switching to Smith, lol. Thanks so much, Joan :))
Carol
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I have the same issue with taking my husband's name--Stern! Smile- Joan
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice artwork and
presentation, Carol.
-This is very well written but sad.
-You capture the essence
of each group of children very well.
-The snow adds to that effect.
-The poem begins well as
you close your eyes and see
the children "outside a locked door."
-The imagery of the other children
who represent the "haves" is also
done well; they are the popular ones,
the ones with friends and family.
-This image is so profound, along
with the ending:
"while we, the dark ones, the strange ones...
hose of unpronounceable name..."
-Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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-Nice artwork and
presentation, Carol.
-This is very well written but sad.
-You capture the essence
of each group of children very well.
-The snow adds to that effect.
-The poem begins well as
you close your eyes and see
the children "outside a locked door."
-The imagery of the other children
who represent the "haves" is also
done well; they are the popular ones,
the ones with friends and family.
-This image is so profound, along
with the ending:
"while we, the dark ones, the strange ones...
hose of unpronounceable name..."
-Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much, I really appreciate your review :)
Carol
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You are very welcome, Carol. You might want to take a look at my poem I posted last week, called "The Snow Falls." It wasn't about me, but rather based on someone who might have been at the time of "Les Miserables." It ties into this poem a little.
Comment from Ulla
Uhh, Carol, this sounds so ominous and also so very sad. It is so very well written and it had me captivated, but it still left me with an uneasy feeling. Warm regards. Ulla xx
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Uhh, Carol, this sounds so ominous and also so very sad. It is so very well written and it had me captivated, but it still left me with an uneasy feeling. Warm regards. Ulla xx
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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It leaves me with an uneasy feeling too, lol. Past memories are not always pleasant! Thanks for reading, Ulla :))
Carol
