Children of None
Free verse22 total reviews
Comment from Alchera
Beautifully penned throughout its free versification structural format and its lived poverty narrative storyline content. Amazing.I like the whole thematic subject treated.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Beautifully penned throughout its free versification structural format and its lived poverty narrative storyline content. Amazing.I like the whole thematic subject treated.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Thank you, much appreciated :))
Carol
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Always welcomed and blessings from Italy. Tony
Comment from Gloria ....
Carol, first off I want to say, how great to see you again. It's been a while.
Such a sad poem when children are locked of their own house after school because nobody's home. You have touched on a few notes of my own childhood injuries and how seeing young people even today facing that kind of isolation and loss of hope is gut-wrenching. Your description of the in crowd with upturned lips and cherry chocolate so delicious compared to the always outside children frozen in cold.
I love your free verse and this is an exceptional poem.
I hope you will be posting more. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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Carol, first off I want to say, how great to see you again. It's been a while.
Such a sad poem when children are locked of their own house after school because nobody's home. You have touched on a few notes of my own childhood injuries and how seeing young people even today facing that kind of isolation and loss of hope is gut-wrenching. Your description of the in crowd with upturned lips and cherry chocolate so delicious compared to the always outside children frozen in cold.
I love your free verse and this is an exceptional poem.
I hope you will be posting more. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 27-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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Hi Gloria, thank you for reading my poem, I really appreciate it. it's sad how many people can relate to being outsiders when they are young.
Carol
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem. It is sad but unfortunately true there will always be the privileged and the under privileged until the privileged stretch out a helping hand instead of judging the under privileged.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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A very well-written free verse poem. It is sad but unfortunately true there will always be the privileged and the under privileged until the privileged stretch out a helping hand instead of judging the under privileged.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Yes, humans do like to stratify themselves. Thank you for reading,
Carol
Comment from juliaSjames
Although children are the characters in your haunting write, this is a poem about exclusion based on prejudice, racial or otherwise.
You paint a graphic picture of what it's like to be "left out in the cold".
"and the only way in
was to break down the door"
Chilling metaphor of what lies in wait for society if the door of exclusion remains closed until grief and despondency transmute to angry action.
I see this is classified as biographical, so it seems that you are describing your feelings as one of the "children of none".
Well penned free verse, Carol.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Although children are the characters in your haunting write, this is a poem about exclusion based on prejudice, racial or otherwise.
You paint a graphic picture of what it's like to be "left out in the cold".
"and the only way in
was to break down the door"
Chilling metaphor of what lies in wait for society if the door of exclusion remains closed until grief and despondency transmute to angry action.
I see this is classified as biographical, so it seems that you are describing your feelings as one of the "children of none".
Well penned free verse, Carol.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 26-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Gosh you read into this very well. Anger is so often the result of being excluded...I have experienced it myself. My childhood was honestly not great. We were actually locked out of the house when we got home from school (parents were still at work) even in the wintertime. My brother used to break into the house...
Thanks for reading,
Carol
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I'm happy you shared pent up emotions. It's weird but trauma seems to fuel creativity. Mind's way of healing itself perhaps.
Have a great day, Carol.
Blessings Julia
Comment from RodG
Your poem resonates with me as I can remember when I taught how some kids always fit in with groups while others sat as outsiders "waiting in the long, illimitable snowfall." Some vivid imagery of both groups and we see the Speaker's empathy. Rod.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Your poem resonates with me as I can remember when I taught how some kids always fit in with groups while others sat as outsiders "waiting in the long, illimitable snowfall." Some vivid imagery of both groups and we see the Speaker's empathy. Rod.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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I was one of those kids - so terribly shy. Why are some kids like that? I guess my home life wasn't conducive to self confidence.
Thanks, Rod,
Carol
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My pleasure.
Comment from Pantygynt
One senses the 'reality behind this descriptive poem, which seems to me to be about acceptance and non acceptance into society.
The 'always outside children' stand for those unaccepted by, and unacceptable to the majority. The image is racial at one level but probably goes beyond matters of race and the degree of acceptability is interestingly also established by their lunch boxes.
This is not so much about specific children as a poem that uses a kind of personification of society as children in a school situation. I found it very effective.
I hope I have read this correctly.
I am glad to see this written in relatively short lines and with conventional punctuation. So the initial effect is welcoming.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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One senses the 'reality behind this descriptive poem, which seems to me to be about acceptance and non acceptance into society.
The 'always outside children' stand for those unaccepted by, and unacceptable to the majority. The image is racial at one level but probably goes beyond matters of race and the degree of acceptability is interestingly also established by their lunch boxes.
This is not so much about specific children as a poem that uses a kind of personification of society as children in a school situation. I found it very effective.
I hope I have read this correctly.
I am glad to see this written in relatively short lines and with conventional punctuation. So the initial effect is welcoming.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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It started out with a vision of my brother, sister and I standing in the snow in our backyard, with the house locked. My brother could always get in, but I think it's strange to not have a way for your kids to get inside after school. It really is about specific children, and mostly me. I was so terribly shy as a child, and gawky - not things that tend to make you popular, lol.
Carol
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Ah! But, like the ugly duckling you grew up to be a swan -- 'The Glorious Carol' Lol.
Joking apart, kids can be so cruel to each other.
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Ha ha, that's right!
Comment from Liberty Justice
Six Stars6******What a sad poem about suffering. Are these third world foreign children at an orphanage. Seems they were hungry and sad. Read Review mine also. lolol liberty justice
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Six Stars6******What a sad poem about suffering. Are these third world foreign children at an orphanage. Seems they were hungry and sad. Read Review mine also. lolol liberty justice
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Hi liberty, thanks for reading and the reminder to reach out to new writers!
Carol
Comment from w.j.debi
This is worthy of a six and I wish I had one to give. There will always be those on the fringe who cannot seem to get through that door. We have so many doors we still need to break down.
I like the moment the character in the poem holds out a hand. It is well meant, but too late and too far away.
Excellent depth in your metaphor.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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This is worthy of a six and I wish I had one to give. There will always be those on the fringe who cannot seem to get through that door. We have so many doors we still need to break down.
I like the moment the character in the poem holds out a hand. It is well meant, but too late and too far away.
Excellent depth in your metaphor.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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Yes, the held out hand was too far away. I was trying to envision holding a hand out to my child self, but it doesn't work very well...
Thanks, Debi,
Carol
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is heart wrenching and heartfelt. This is very well written and has depth and substance that is a welcome relief. I love how you start out with the locked door with the children outside, and then return in the last line to the locked door, once again, and your solution that, "the only way in was to break down the door." So many children feel left out and are left out, to suffer in silence. I was one of those children. This poem resonates with me completely. I love phrases such as, "self-satisfied and facing inwards." Also, "speaking in whispers that were sly and secret," the in-crowd of self-entitled children, who know not how we, the 'different' feel, nor do they care. This is chilling in its realistic portrayal of what the outside children go through. Thank you for touching on such a deep subject, and one in which I can relate.
Take care, Jesse
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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This is heart wrenching and heartfelt. This is very well written and has depth and substance that is a welcome relief. I love how you start out with the locked door with the children outside, and then return in the last line to the locked door, once again, and your solution that, "the only way in was to break down the door." So many children feel left out and are left out, to suffer in silence. I was one of those children. This poem resonates with me completely. I love phrases such as, "self-satisfied and facing inwards." Also, "speaking in whispers that were sly and secret," the in-crowd of self-entitled children, who know not how we, the 'different' feel, nor do they care. This is chilling in its realistic portrayal of what the outside children go through. Thank you for touching on such a deep subject, and one in which I can relate.
Take care, Jesse
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Thank you for this very touching review. There are a few of us who were always, unrelentingly outside growing up. My home life wasn't all it could have been either, not that anyone at school cared. We survive but carry the burden of it forward. Thanks for understanding...
Carol
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You are very welcome, Carol. From my first day of class, I knew no one cared what my home life was like. I felt all alone with the burden. As you say, we do survive, carrying the burden with us through life. Thank you for understanding. Your descriptions of the "self-satisfied" children brought shivers through my spine. I remember too well what you described, and how it felt to not be included.
Take care, Jesse
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your free verse reads well, Carol. I like how you formatted your lines. There is great imagery in your well-chosen words, too. I believe your poem is about the haves and the have nots. There is a distinct feeling of the haves that they are entitled without any of them having to do much, if anything. Then there are the havenots whether by birth or location or something such as skin color or religion. They are in a constant struggle to live and are well aware of what the others have. Perhaps the narrator is thinking back on what was done or should have been done long ago. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love, Jan
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Your free verse reads well, Carol. I like how you formatted your lines. There is great imagery in your well-chosen words, too. I believe your poem is about the haves and the have nots. There is a distinct feeling of the haves that they are entitled without any of them having to do much, if anything. Then there are the havenots whether by birth or location or something such as skin color or religion. They are in a constant struggle to live and are well aware of what the others have. Perhaps the narrator is thinking back on what was done or should have been done long ago. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love, Jan
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2020
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Yes, long ago, children can be very cruel. My childhood was not an easy one, yet we always had what we needed - food, shelter and clothing. A little bit more love would have gone a long way,
Thanks Jan,
Carol
