Fragile Veil
Remembering our oneness17 total reviews
Comment from BermyBye50
Writingfundimension
This is a brilliant entry in the Faith Poetry Contest. You've expressed a range of emotions in this poignant write about the ebb and flow of love for someone with a powerful concluding statement "opening me to the knowledge that I suffer while you are apart from me."
Well done.
You may want to use the advanced editor going forward when posting your poems. With it you can change the font style, color and size to enhance the visibility of your writes.
All the best in the contest,
Eugene
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Writingfundimension
This is a brilliant entry in the Faith Poetry Contest. You've expressed a range of emotions in this poignant write about the ebb and flow of love for someone with a powerful concluding statement "opening me to the knowledge that I suffer while you are apart from me."
Well done.
You may want to use the advanced editor going forward when posting your poems. With it you can change the font style, color and size to enhance the visibility of your writes.
All the best in the contest,
Eugene
Comment Written 06-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Thank you for your review and good wishes. I'm rarely on the site any longer, so I'm sorry for any delay in getting back to you. It was nice of you to go into my portfolio and give me a review of that poem, which I wrote quite some time ago. Also, I appreciate your thoughts regarding the advanced editor. I agree that it makes the published product more attractive. Best Regards!
Comment from juliaSjames
Good to read you again, Bev. Profound free verse that seeks to address the ineffable oneness that underlies the quarrels and divisions that Mark our human lives. Since I'm in the company of my three young grandchildren so much I see this force, call it what you will, in action all the time. I've learned to step back from their fighting and leave them to blend with each other again.
It's not easy to express the essence of faith or grace or love in words. I think you struggled at times in this poem. But I so enjoyed joining with you in the struggle.
Best of luck in the contest.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Good to read you again, Bev. Profound free verse that seeks to address the ineffable oneness that underlies the quarrels and divisions that Mark our human lives. Since I'm in the company of my three young grandchildren so much I see this force, call it what you will, in action all the time. I've learned to step back from their fighting and leave them to blend with each other again.
It's not easy to express the essence of faith or grace or love in words. I think you struggled at times in this poem. But I so enjoyed joining with you in the struggle.
Best of luck in the contest.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind words of support and encouragement, Julia. The struggle within the words is my struggle within this egocentric world, so you are absolutely correct about that.
I, also, appreciate your good wishes!
:)
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You're welcome.
Comment from rama devi
My dear Bev, it's wonderful to see you posting here again. This is an expressive poem--raw and real. This is so well voiced:
The perception of inadequacy
in you,
in me,
Serves disfigured egos,
embracing a disordered wholeness
... the sum of which I've learned in
loving here before.
These are my favorite lines:
Still, upward thrusting notes
of a haunting song of wholeness,
Bid me offer forgiveness to this world
of brother against brother...
opening me to the knowledge that I suffer
While you are apart from me.
Couple of suggestions regarding spag in the above...'while' and 'bid' should not be capped, since they are mid-sentence. There need not be a comma after 'wholeness. With edits:
Still, upward thrusting notes
of a haunting song of wholeness
bid me offer forgiveness to this world
of brother against brother...
opening me to the knowledge that I suffer
while you are apart from me.
I love the originality as well as the phonics, especially in this phrase:
upward thrusting notes
of a haunting song of wholeness
Strong emotional tenor.
Great theme.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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My dear Bev, it's wonderful to see you posting here again. This is an expressive poem--raw and real. This is so well voiced:
The perception of inadequacy
in you,
in me,
Serves disfigured egos,
embracing a disordered wholeness
... the sum of which I've learned in
loving here before.
These are my favorite lines:
Still, upward thrusting notes
of a haunting song of wholeness,
Bid me offer forgiveness to this world
of brother against brother...
opening me to the knowledge that I suffer
While you are apart from me.
Couple of suggestions regarding spag in the above...'while' and 'bid' should not be capped, since they are mid-sentence. There need not be a comma after 'wholeness. With edits:
Still, upward thrusting notes
of a haunting song of wholeness
bid me offer forgiveness to this world
of brother against brother...
opening me to the knowledge that I suffer
while you are apart from me.
I love the originality as well as the phonics, especially in this phrase:
upward thrusting notes
of a haunting song of wholeness
Strong emotional tenor.
Great theme.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Hello dear Rama. I was hoping I'd hear from you because as you know, I don't write a lot of poetry and you are the perfect editor for them based on your depth of knowledge. I agree with your insights and will make the changes pronto. Much love... Bev
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I loved finding a poem from you here, dear. Much Love, rd
Comment from Mastery
Awww. This poem is wonderfully constructed Bev. I liked these lines in particular:
"Serves disfigured egos,
embracing a disordered wholeness"
So good to see you back my friend. XX Bob
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Awww. This poem is wonderfully constructed Bev. I liked these lines in particular:
"Serves disfigured egos,
embracing a disordered wholeness"
So good to see you back my friend. XX Bob
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Hi, Bob. Thank you very much for taking time to review my poem. It's nice to get back here to connect with old friends like yourself and have a more disciplined writing routine. I look forward to catching up with what projects you may have going as well. I really appreciate your support and your generosity. :)
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: ) Bob
Comment from royowen
I guess I've learned that love depends not on emotion, or some biological determination but more on decision, and the emotion can follow. I realise there are other considerations, like toxic behaviour, but then...? Beautifully written and manicured, a great free verse, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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I guess I've learned that love depends not on emotion, or some biological determination but more on decision, and the emotion can follow. I realise there are other considerations, like toxic behaviour, but then...? Beautifully written and manicured, a great free verse, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Roy, thank you so very much for this wonderful review. As I age, I do feel that so much depends on decision and state of mind. Your insights are much appreciated.
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Well done
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written faith poem. Sometimes we seem to be blind to the things right in front of us. When we forgive others we can know that we will be also forgiven when we need forgiveness.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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A very well-written faith poem. Sometimes we seem to be blind to the things right in front of us. When we forgive others we can know that we will be also forgiven when we need forgiveness.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Sandra, I so agree with your insights into my poem. Forgiving first is sometimes the most difficult thing we've ever done, but it does seem to me that it starts the ball rolling as they say. Thank you so much for your grand review.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Faith Poetry contest.
This short verse tells of having faith when apart.
Very nice.
I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the Faith Poetry contest.
This short verse tells of having faith when apart.
Very nice.
I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Thank you much for your review!
Comment from kleck140
Your words in poetry sends a message that many people
need to learn. I find your wise words to be helpful into
my understanding the acceptance of others. Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Your words in poetry sends a message that many people
need to learn. I find your wise words to be helpful into
my understanding the acceptance of others. Keep on writing.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Thank you very much for your kind review.
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You are welcome!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Welcome back, my dear friend. I am so happy to get the chance to read your contest entry. It's a very strong entry and I enjoyed reading. I wish you the very best of luck.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2020
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Welcome back, my dear friend. I am so happy to get the chance to read your contest entry. It's a very strong entry and I enjoyed reading. I wish you the very best of luck.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2020
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Thanks so much, Barbara. I'm glad to be back... again... LoL. I look forward to getting caught up with your latest project. Your support is very much appreciated.
Comment from Joan E.
Welcome back--I was pleased to see your name pop up on my screen early in the new year. The striking artwork you selected accents your title well. I admired your reflections about love and separation, plus the hatred in the world. Here's to "forgiveness" and best wishes in the Faith Poetry Contest- Joan
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2020
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Welcome back--I was pleased to see your name pop up on my screen early in the new year. The striking artwork you selected accents your title well. I admired your reflections about love and separation, plus the hatred in the world. Here's to "forgiveness" and best wishes in the Faith Poetry Contest- Joan
Comment Written 21-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2020
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Joan, thank you so very much. I love your wonderful wishes for this new year and new decade. Enough of the spiteful divisiveness. I really appreciate your reading and sending along your kind thoughts.
