Monica
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Monica Chapter 15"A woman becomes fixated on Rob
10 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Monica,
Nope. Your program seems right to me. I didn't see a single nit. either... You are improving with each chapter you post. *smile*
This was such a shock! Silly old Monica and her evil ways -- making a mistake like this. I hate it for Nadine - and I'm sure that Sarah will have issues blaming herself in some way - hope not, though, because she could have no possible idea.
Thanks! Looking forward to the next one!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Monica,
Nope. Your program seems right to me. I didn't see a single nit. either... You are improving with each chapter you post. *smile*
This was such a shock! Silly old Monica and her evil ways -- making a mistake like this. I hate it for Nadine - and I'm sure that Sarah will have issues blaming herself in some way - hope not, though, because she could have no possible idea.
Thanks! Looking forward to the next one!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Sorry I'm so behind. Have had many orders for cards and my shop is almost empty, have to get it filled so I can make millions. =} I wish. Thank you dear. I did have a few that were corrected by other reviews so you got the good copy. =] I'm already formulating the next chapter. It will be a surprise too, I hope. =} Thank you. Rox
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Well, you never fail to continue the mystery and drama! I do hope they can stop her before she gets away! I'm not glad it was Nadine, but thankful it was not Sarah. I'm surprised she didn't go after Rob himself! Thanks again for another intriguing chapter! xoxo
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Well, you never fail to continue the mystery and drama! I do hope they can stop her before she gets away! I'm not glad it was Nadine, but thankful it was not Sarah. I'm surprised she didn't go after Rob himself! Thanks again for another intriguing chapter! xoxo
Comment Written 19-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Sorry I'm so long in answering. We'll have to see how my brain decided to end it. It keeps changing. =] But that is a woman's prerogative. =] Thanks so much.
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Well I?m sure it will be as exciting and unexpected as each chapter! xoxo
Comment from Ulla
Hi Roxanna, yeah, I expected she would get this one wrong. She doesn't seem to be able to do anything right. She's a nasty piece of work. I wonder if she'll get away in time. She doesn't deserve it. That's for sure. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Hi Roxanna, yeah, I expected she would get this one wrong. She doesn't seem to be able to do anything right. She's a nasty piece of work. I wonder if she'll get away in time. She doesn't deserve it. That's for sure. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 19-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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She is a nasty thing. I wonder why I'm so good at writing about bad people. =} Sorry I'm so late. I've been making cards. My shop is almost empty and I need to get it filled up again so havn't been on much. Thank so much dear. rox
Comment from nancy_e_davis
She messed up again. She just can't seem to do anything right, and that's why she will get caught. She thinks she is smarter than anyone else and that will be her undoing. Well done Rox. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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She messed up again. She just can't seem to do anything right, and that's why she will get caught. She thinks she is smarter than anyone else and that will be her undoing. Well done Rox. Nancy:)
Comment Written 17-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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I'm working on an ending, I think the next 1 or 2 chapters should do it. Thanks so much for hanging in there with me and for the reviews. Sorry I'm so late in answering. I've been making cards. My shop is almost empty and I need to get it filled up again so haven't been on much. Thank so much dear.
Comment from Mistydawn
What a suspenseful chapter. It's very well-written, had me on the edge of my seat, hoping they'd find Monica soon. I'm by no means trying to tell you how to write your story. So please don't take my comment that way. For me (probably just me) The part about the bakery adding sandwiches to the menu seemed to throw the tension off.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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What a suspenseful chapter. It's very well-written, had me on the edge of my seat, hoping they'd find Monica soon. I'm by no means trying to tell you how to write your story. So please don't take my comment that way. For me (probably just me) The part about the bakery adding sandwiches to the menu seemed to throw the tension off.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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Glad you enjoy it. I'll take another look at it. I do want everyone on the edge of their seat and don't want to ruin that for anyone. =} Thanks so much dear. Rox
Comment from JudyE
I hope you're not going to let Monica get away with her murders.
And I'm sorry about your spell-checker but I did pick up a few small errors. I'll come back and give five stars after some editing.
Monica's Jaguar speed toward downtown Big Sky - should be 'sped'
her sleek Jaguar Coup narrowly missing the bumper of the cars - I think it should be 'bumpers'
her coat pull up to hide part of her face, a knitted cap pull down to hide her hair, her pony tail tucked up inside - should be 'pulled' in both cases.
Hearing the back door open she moved quickly, rounding the side of the building she saw a blond woman carrying a trash bag to the dumpster - period after 'quickly'
Police cars and an ambulance with lights and sirens blazing, passed as Monica sped to the airport. - delete semi-colon. Insert commas after 'ambulance' and 'blazing'
in his rear view mirror, she felt it prudent to answer - one word - rearview
"Yes it would seem so. - comma needed after 'yes'
after throwing out the days trash - apostrophe - day's trash
Today everyone was buying donuts - comma after 'today'
Several months ago, she and Nadine, had talked about offering sandwiches - delete comma after 'Nadine'
After ten minutes she began to wonder - comma after 'minutes'
Going to the back door she called Nadine's name - comma after 'door'
Not getting a response she walked toward the trash dumpster - comma after 'response'
"Nadine!" Sarah knelt beside her and pulling her phone from her pocket, dialed 911 - comma after 'and'
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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I hope you're not going to let Monica get away with her murders.
And I'm sorry about your spell-checker but I did pick up a few small errors. I'll come back and give five stars after some editing.
Monica's Jaguar speed toward downtown Big Sky - should be 'sped'
her sleek Jaguar Coup narrowly missing the bumper of the cars - I think it should be 'bumpers'
her coat pull up to hide part of her face, a knitted cap pull down to hide her hair, her pony tail tucked up inside - should be 'pulled' in both cases.
Hearing the back door open she moved quickly, rounding the side of the building she saw a blond woman carrying a trash bag to the dumpster - period after 'quickly'
Police cars and an ambulance with lights and sirens blazing, passed as Monica sped to the airport. - delete semi-colon. Insert commas after 'ambulance' and 'blazing'
in his rear view mirror, she felt it prudent to answer - one word - rearview
"Yes it would seem so. - comma needed after 'yes'
after throwing out the days trash - apostrophe - day's trash
Today everyone was buying donuts - comma after 'today'
Several months ago, she and Nadine, had talked about offering sandwiches - delete comma after 'Nadine'
After ten minutes she began to wonder - comma after 'minutes'
Going to the back door she called Nadine's name - comma after 'door'
Not getting a response she walked toward the trash dumpster - comma after 'response'
"Nadine!" Sarah knelt beside her and pulling her phone from her pocket, dialed 911 - comma after 'and'
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 16-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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Thank you. =]
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Author, I spotted no typo's, In fact the only thing I didn't like about this episode was your major character, Monaca. What a nasty piece of work she is!
I am only sorry, That I have never had the opportunity to review your previous chapters as I am new to FanStory. Is there a way to access your previous chapters? I think I am a fan already, and will need to sign up!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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Dear Author, I spotted no typo's, In fact the only thing I didn't like about this episode was your major character, Monaca. What a nasty piece of work she is!
I am only sorry, That I have never had the opportunity to review your previous chapters as I am new to FanStory. Is there a way to access your previous chapters? I think I am a fan already, and will need to sign up!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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Hi, Welcome to Fanstory! This is a great site for writers. Yes, you can access the rest of the book by either clicking on the chapters, the numbers with >> after them, at the top of the current chapter's page. Sometimes it will bring up all the chapters in a list or can take you to the previous chapter. Just keep clicking. =] Or go to my page, just click on my name and under portfolio you will find the whole book. It is a sequel to "A Light in the Darkness" which is a sequel to "The Girl With Dead Eyes." But they do stand alone so no need to read the others unless you feel inclined. =} Thank you so much for the great review. I am always happy to have another fan. Most of my stuff is funny poems and I have written 5 children's books, Super Pig, so these are a departure for me. =] Have a great weekend. Rox
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Dear Roxanna, Thank you SO MUCH for all the
?How To? Info! I hope your funny poems are in your portfolio too! Does FanStory keep the on file forever?
Comment from royowen
It seems that insanity can get away with murder. She is clever, with a trail of destruction in her wake, she's killed Sarah's assistant, Nadine, but I'm only assuming that, maybe she didn't, but if Monica finds out, she going to be very unhappy. And the Uber driver still might be able to identify her. Great story Roxy, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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It seems that insanity can get away with murder. She is clever, with a trail of destruction in her wake, she's killed Sarah's assistant, Nadine, but I'm only assuming that, maybe she didn't, but if Monica finds out, she going to be very unhappy. And the Uber driver still might be able to identify her. Great story Roxy, blessings Roy
Comment Written 16-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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Thanks so much sir. =]
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A pleasure
Comment from Sally Law
Wow, Rox. This had been gripping my chair! Great job and so suspenseful. I knew she had killed the wrong person in her rage. Poor Natalie! Here we go again. I have a feeling she'll be back.
One part needs a little tending. She calls an Uber but then you say she is speeding towards the airport. I would clarify that area to reflect that. It's important because her Jaguar has been left in the parking lot.
Overall, this is my favorite chapter. I'm looking forward to the next!! Keep up the good work. :))
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xoxo
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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Wow, Rox. This had been gripping my chair! Great job and so suspenseful. I knew she had killed the wrong person in her rage. Poor Natalie! Here we go again. I have a feeling she'll be back.
One part needs a little tending. She calls an Uber but then you say she is speeding towards the airport. I would clarify that area to reflect that. It's important because her Jaguar has been left in the parking lot.
Overall, this is my favorite chapter. I'm looking forward to the next!! Keep up the good work. :))
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xoxo
Comment Written 16-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much dear. I'll have a look a that one part. Have a great weekend. Rox
Comment from Carl DeVere
Good suspenseful rendering, it holds attention well. I loved the momentary detour discussion about donuts. The thing that always impresses me about good writing is that, like this, a slice example always nearly stands on its own as a short story. It leaves you hanging--that's good. Will she getaway? Probably not, without a lot more suspense. Could this be a perfect crime? With her looks and charm, you have to wonder.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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Good suspenseful rendering, it holds attention well. I loved the momentary detour discussion about donuts. The thing that always impresses me about good writing is that, like this, a slice example always nearly stands on its own as a short story. It leaves you hanging--that's good. Will she getaway? Probably not, without a lot more suspense. Could this be a perfect crime? With her looks and charm, you have to wonder.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much sir. Glad you enjoyed it. Rox
