Aaron's Dragons
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The Battle Continues"An aging knight finds a clutch of dragon eggs
16 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
I've been away so am a chapter or two behind. I'm still enjoying your tale.
I did pick up a few points but, as always, they're only suggestions.
"They're almost at the place they left the trebuchet, said Pink - quote marks missing after 'trebuchet' and period needed after 'Pink'
"They knew we were coming," said his companion. "They knew everything." - did you mean 'they knew everything' or 'they know everything'. Just wonderin'. :)
Swords clashed all around him as the enemy tried to close around him, with Dylan and the men doing everything they could to defend him - you've used 'around him' twice in close proximity here. Maybe 'as the enemy tried to close in on him'
It took only moments for Aaron to realize he was facing a much better swordsman than himself. His enemy was quickly gaining the upper hand when something small flew at him from behind, getting between his body and his shield. - I read this as something getting behind Aaron's armour. It becomes clear later so probably no need to change it.
In the darkness thousands of flying animals - comma after 'darkness'
"After all that he was still getting the best of me - comma after 'that'
"I hope she isn't too mad. I was mostly spinning yarns. I don't expect people to believe much of them. It never occurred to me that the dragons would, or that the witch would hear of them. - quote marks needed after 'them'
Pink sat on a nearby pack horse watching him - one word - packhorse
and the little dragon who had been upset when she'd heard the humans laughing seemed to have suddenly developed a sense of humor - commas after 'dragon' and 'laughing'
"She says she doesn't mind if any fool who believes those tales remembers her that way. Your story was a little bit true. You made it better than it really was. She says it's something humans do that might be hard for dragons to understand, but I think I do understand, at least some. She's amused, and I can read her. - quote marks needed after 'her'
Enjoy your day
Judy
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
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I've been away so am a chapter or two behind. I'm still enjoying your tale.
I did pick up a few points but, as always, they're only suggestions.
"They're almost at the place they left the trebuchet, said Pink - quote marks missing after 'trebuchet' and period needed after 'Pink'
"They knew we were coming," said his companion. "They knew everything." - did you mean 'they knew everything' or 'they know everything'. Just wonderin'. :)
Swords clashed all around him as the enemy tried to close around him, with Dylan and the men doing everything they could to defend him - you've used 'around him' twice in close proximity here. Maybe 'as the enemy tried to close in on him'
It took only moments for Aaron to realize he was facing a much better swordsman than himself. His enemy was quickly gaining the upper hand when something small flew at him from behind, getting between his body and his shield. - I read this as something getting behind Aaron's armour. It becomes clear later so probably no need to change it.
In the darkness thousands of flying animals - comma after 'darkness'
"After all that he was still getting the best of me - comma after 'that'
"I hope she isn't too mad. I was mostly spinning yarns. I don't expect people to believe much of them. It never occurred to me that the dragons would, or that the witch would hear of them. - quote marks needed after 'them'
Pink sat on a nearby pack horse watching him - one word - packhorse
and the little dragon who had been upset when she'd heard the humans laughing seemed to have suddenly developed a sense of humor - commas after 'dragon' and 'laughing'
"She says she doesn't mind if any fool who believes those tales remembers her that way. Your story was a little bit true. You made it better than it really was. She says it's something humans do that might be hard for dragons to understand, but I think I do understand, at least some. She's amused, and I can read her. - quote marks needed after 'her'
Enjoy your day
Judy
Comment Written 27-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
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Thanks. I thought I'd proofed this one pretty good. Guess not. I'll have to fix that.
Comment from lyenochka
You did a great job with the fight scene. I like that the other swordsman was better as that makes Aaron more believable. Also, we see his strength is not in physical power of sword fighting but in compassion. And I like the nice statement about how humans like to make stories which is a nod to readers and writers alike.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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You did a great job with the fight scene. I like that the other swordsman was better as that makes Aaron more believable. Also, we see his strength is not in physical power of sword fighting but in compassion. And I like the nice statement about how humans like to make stories which is a nod to readers and writers alike.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Thanks. I'm so glad you liked this chapter. Hope you will stay tuned for more.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I've enjoyed reading these stories. I haven't been able to catch all of them unless something in the title brings it to my mind. I love the engaging adventure, the battles, and the dragons helping and beginning to understand their abilities. Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2020
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I've enjoyed reading these stories. I haven't been able to catch all of them unless something in the title brings it to my mind. I love the engaging adventure, the battles, and the dragons helping and beginning to understand their abilities. Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 15-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2020
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Thanks. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter.
Comment from juliaSjames
You kept me riveted throughout this chapter, Cindy. The dragons are very adept at changing tactics when the enemy gets used to their tricks.
I'd forgotten about the venom so I didn't understand what Green was trying to do to save Aaron. But you made it clear later on.
This is turning out to be a really good story. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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You kept me riveted throughout this chapter, Cindy. The dragons are very adept at changing tactics when the enemy gets used to their tricks.
I'd forgotten about the venom so I didn't understand what Green was trying to do to save Aaron. But you made it clear later on.
This is turning out to be a really good story. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 13-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Thanks for the six! The dragons are very clever. I'm so glad you're still enjoying the story.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is an interesting and well told story/chapter.
The battle between the men and the wizard and dragons is very well told.
I look forward to reading more of this.
Sharon
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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I think this is an interesting and well told story/chapter.
The battle between the men and the wizard and dragons is very well told.
I look forward to reading more of this.
Sharon
Comment Written 13-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Thanks. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. The rest is available in my portfolio if you're interested.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Another amazing chapter and the dragons are very protective of Aaron who save them when they were still eggs. I really like the team work you pulled in this chapter and the storytelling aspect that keeps the myth going. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Another amazing chapter and the dragons are very protective of Aaron who save them when they were still eggs. I really like the team work you pulled in this chapter and the storytelling aspect that keeps the myth going. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Thanks. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter.
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Wow! These dragons are amazing! Causing them to see a thousand images of him is an awesome concept! The venom came in handy!
Can't wait fir be t chapter!!!
xoxo
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2020
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Wow! These dragons are amazing! Causing them to see a thousand images of him is an awesome concept! The venom came in handy!
Can't wait fir be t chapter!!!
xoxo
Comment Written 12-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2020
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Thanks! These little dragons have been so much fun to create and develop. Their talents are very useful. Coming up with them has been a fun challenge.
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Well you have done an excellent job! Your mind is fantastic!!
Comment from Ulla
Hi C0indy, I'm still following and you're managing to get me more and more drawn to those dragons of yours. Whoever would have thought that? I've even started to worry about them!! I'm glad Aaron has them on his side. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2020
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Hi C0indy, I'm still following and you're managing to get me more and more drawn to those dragons of yours. Whoever would have thought that? I've even started to worry about them!! I'm glad Aaron has them on his side. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 12-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2020
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Thanks. I'm getting fond of them too. It's going to be hard when it's time to wrap this up. Glad you're still enjoying it.
Comment from damommy
Wow! What an exciting chapter. Aaron was almost bested by a better swordsman. If it weren't for those darling dragons, they'd all be dead. Of course, that's why they're being fought, because they think he's a wizard. It seems the woman isn't mad at him.
-As Brown and Green ran out of venom, [the] last ones bitten (first time I've found even a typo in your work.) 8-)
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2020
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Wow! What an exciting chapter. Aaron was almost bested by a better swordsman. If it weren't for those darling dragons, they'd all be dead. Of course, that's why they're being fought, because they think he's a wizard. It seems the woman isn't mad at him.
-As Brown and Green ran out of venom, [the] last ones bitten (first time I've found even a typo in your work.) 8-)
Comment Written 12-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2020
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Thanks for the six, and for catching the typo. I'll fix it right now.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is another great chapter, Cindy, in your novel. I enjoyed reading it. The battle scenes were written well with great descriptions and imagery. I love the idea of the dragons helping as they are helping their case as well. I like the idea of Aaron telling stories since that is something most can identify with and makes him more personable in character. I like that the witch is amused not mad about his stories. You have done an excellent job with your art to illustrate each chapter. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love and Admiration, Jan.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2020
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This is another great chapter, Cindy, in your novel. I enjoyed reading it. The battle scenes were written well with great descriptions and imagery. I love the idea of the dragons helping as they are helping their case as well. I like the idea of Aaron telling stories since that is something most can identify with and makes him more personable in character. I like that the witch is amused not mad about his stories. You have done an excellent job with your art to illustrate each chapter. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love and Admiration, Jan.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2020
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Thanks. I'm so glad you're still enjoying my story. With the right people on their side, the dragons will have a much better chance once they're too big to hide.
