Reviews from

A Shadow On The Street

Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Warren Sledge"
One man's blessing can be another's curse.

8 total reviews 
Comment from GWHARGIS
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I kind of with you had spent more time in the evil mind. Not for the graphic details but for Lew to realize the difference in the man. I lived the agreement of no soul. This was a riveting chapter. Grrtchen

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
    I wanted to put more graphic description in, but I was a little wary. I may if the book gets published. Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!

    Have a great day, and God bless.
    mike
Comment from royowen
Excellent
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I guess to shoulder the evil of a deranged mind would exhaust the mind of an ordinary human being. But even more so a good person who delights in God. Jesus was tested in areas such as this. An excellent story, what a gift that would be, the gift of knowledge, with wisdom to back it up, well done Mike, most enjoyable, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 15-Jan-2020
    Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!

    Have a great day and God bless.
    mike
reply by royowen on 15-Jan-2020
    Most welcome
Comment from JudyE
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I'm enjoying these writings. The language is very realistic. Certainly, there are people in this world who are just plain evil.

I found a few glitches but will come back to give you five stars when you've had a chance to make a few edits.

I push open the door and in my usual tone. "Good morning, Tony." - maybe commas after 'door', 'and' and 'tone'

He stops. "We're not to arrest you, Mr. Bradley. - did you mean 'We're not here to arrest...'?

Tony speaks up. "I have, that's one evil man. - period after 'have'

Tony looks me in the eye, and with a quiver in his voice, he answers - comma after 'and'

Captain Adams leads me inside the building. While following just behind him, I feel the desperation inside of his mind. - I might have said 'into the building' as 'inside' appears again quite soon. Delete 'of'

His brown hair is perfectly trimmed with a slight five o'clock shadow. - this sounds like his hair has a five o'clock shadow, Maybe consider 'His brown hair is perfectly trimmed and he has a slight five o'clock shadow.'

"Who is this, Ben? Somebody who will get me to talk." - question mark after 'talk'

He raped many times - maybe 'raped her many times'. I might have added a bit here about Sledge being stunned at the news. Maybe something like: 'After a moment's stunned silence, Mr. Sledge begins to holler, "Nooo...Get him out of my mind!"

The pain worsens - maybe 'the pain in my mind worsens' as you haven't mentioned 'pain' before, just 'My mind shudders'

then screams like a deranged mad man. "Aaaaaargh! - speech marks needed at end of this sentence

Do you remember the way to my office." - question mark after 'office'

The excited man answers, "Yes, Captian!" - spelling 'Captain'

I look at Captian Adams, - spelling 'Captain'

"Paramedic's, - delete apostrophe

After a few minutes later, they exit with the girl - either 'After a few minutes, they exit with the girl' or 'A few minutes later, they exit with the girl'

Best wishes
Judy


 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Many thanks for all of your help. I've got to do better with those missing words.

    Have a great day and God bless.
    mike
Comment from Sally Law
Excellent
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Good afternoon, Mike. A good continuing chapter with an added evil character. I like the spiritual component of good verses evil in all your writings.

Since Warren Sledge is a serial child rapist and some graphic details are shared here, this definitely needs to be marked for violence. Just in the subject matter alone but also with the added comments of leaving her sexually used and lying on the floor.

I am glad you are giving this attention and how one life spared means so much. Now, for the repair of that young girl.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xo




 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    That's is no problem to add, I was trying to keep this story a little clean and not offend a lot of people. Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!

    Have a great day and God bless.
    mike
Comment from the13thpoet
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello Papa55mike, a marvelous Monday to you, I hope this review finds yo well. I enjoyed reading your story, it was well-written and it kept me engaged from start to finish. Good job!

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!

    Have a great day and God bless.
    mike
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I do believe you are on to something here. Lew is a great help in God's work with his ability to seek out evil and cause it's demise. It would be difficult to hear what others are thinking, but it can be a useful tool in the war against evil. Well done Mike. Please keep Lew busy. Nancy.:)

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Hi, Nancy. These stories are a challenge to write and I love the Spiritual side of it. Many thanks for your kind words, and for those shiny six stars!

    Have a great day, and God bless.
    mike
reply by nancy_e_davis on 14-Jan-2020
    I agree. Keep up the good work, Mike. Nancy:)
Comment from sandramitchell
Excellent
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That was an amazing story, and for one little girl, a sort of happy ending. How many children suffer like this and have to live with it, is something we might never know. I've only just discovered this story and will be following it in future. I should imagine it would be hard for the person who mind reads, hearing everything everyone is thinking. I enjoyed reading this part. Well done. Sandra xxx

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Many thanks for your kind words, and encouraging review. This happens too often.

    Have a great day and God bless.
    mike
Comment from Cybertron1986
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Engaging and suspenseful story. I like its genuine and unique voice to a rather dark antagonist. Additionally, your story architects a dire situation with a willing and heroic protagonist that was engaging in character. If I could make one suggestion, I'd love for you to develop the setting more deeply. The dialogue was well thought out, but I felt you entrusted the conversation to tell the story more than your ability to build it up with a good setting as the story went deeper toward the climax. This is just my take. Overall, a quality write.

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020


reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Many thanks for your opinion and kind words. They are deeply appreciated. I'll work on that.

    Have a great day and God bless.
    mike