"Beautiful!"
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Conception!"Poetry at it's finest.
11 total reviews
Comment from GE Parson
Hello, Dr. That is quite an interesting
conversation. I was afraid it as going to end with the Mommy and her "advisor" calling the baby just a fetus
and end up being murdered, uh I mean aborted. but you ended the conversation on a happy note; Thank you very much. - Parson
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2020
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Hello, Dr. That is quite an interesting
conversation. I was afraid it as going to end with the Mommy and her "advisor" calling the baby just a fetus
and end up being murdered, uh I mean aborted. but you ended the conversation on a happy note; Thank you very much. - Parson
Comment Written 01-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2020
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Very much glad you appreciated that sir!
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment from Darlene Franklin
This starts out simply and grows complex, much like the growth of a fertilized egg to newborn baby. The question of "why do my names change?" from egg to embryo to fetus resonated with me. The implication in my heart is that life begins at conception and abortion is murder. And was the child adopted? Thought-provoking poem, well done.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2020
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This starts out simply and grows complex, much like the growth of a fertilized egg to newborn baby. The question of "why do my names change?" from egg to embryo to fetus resonated with me. The implication in my heart is that life begins at conception and abortion is murder. And was the child adopted? Thought-provoking poem, well done.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2020
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As I was writing that and I started to really get into the conversation and feel like the egg and the womb I felt as I was growing up how cool people can be calling other people names so that's why as the egg progressed forward into a child at wondered its name then eventually it's sex!
Ricky
Comment from Carl DeVere
I loved this story about process, surroundings and beginnings Doctor. It illustrates that everything has consciousness, a shared belief, and should be treated accordingly.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2020
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I loved this story about process, surroundings and beginnings Doctor. It illustrates that everything has consciousness, a shared belief, and should be treated accordingly.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2020
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Your review is wonderful and your thoughts when it comes to life is appropriate and so beautiful to see.
Unfortunately in this world too many people believe in in boarding a fetus especially if it's from a rape does the fetus have any choice in this matter?
Adoption is the answer in any fool would know that!
Thanks!
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Unique conversation in this well crafted poem. The "babysitter" adds another dimension, one where the one being sat would feel comfortable while "mommy" is at work. Well done!
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2019
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Unique conversation in this well crafted poem. The "babysitter" adds another dimension, one where the one being sat would feel comfortable while "mommy" is at work. Well done!
Comment Written 31-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2019
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Every once in a while we enjoy two degree are writings in our ability to entertain.
For me, this would be an example.
Thanks,
As Always,
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment from Bobby Jo
Interesting, never ever would of thought of bringing out something like this. This kept me engaged the whole way through. This could be anti abortion material. Praise God for kids.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2019
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Interesting, never ever would of thought of bringing out something like this. This kept me engaged the whole way through. This could be anti abortion material. Praise God for kids.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2019
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I like your reference to an anti-abortion poem or story.
always figured I'd be a good suicide or addiction counselor but I never thought on this subject.
But I do believe no matter the circumstances that when there is creation....
The outcome deserves recognition.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment from susand3022
Hi Ricky! I'm finally back on the forum! This poem comes at a particularly opportune time. I saw this morning on the news that if a couple is having trouble conceiving because the man's motility is low, it could be helped along by a good old fashioned sugar boost. So eat your candy boys! It's good for the wigglers!!! LOL
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Hi Ricky! I'm finally back on the forum! This poem comes at a particularly opportune time. I saw this morning on the news that if a couple is having trouble conceiving because the man's motility is low, it could be helped along by a good old fashioned sugar boost. So eat your candy boys! It's good for the wigglers!!! LOL
Comment Written 30-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Funny.
I like!
And, glad and hope you could see the values here.
Ricky.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Very sweet story told in a poetic context; your idea is very creative.
There are some matters of spelling and punctuation that could be improved. Quotation marks in a conversation are usually "double," not 'single.'
You might want to look up the words "your" and "you're." You seem to have the meanings reversed.
I don't understand why a newborn would be using (even thinking) the F*** word.
I didn't understand the ending, why Kate's babysitter's name was "Womb." Also, the word count doesn't usually go in the body of the story, even at the end, after "The End" - it's not necessary. You could put it in the notes.
The picture is beautiful, and the green on black is a fresh, lovely setting for new life. Your idea is a very good one, and your story leads me to feel affection for the little one growing in the womb. I like that you give thanks to Our Lord.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Very sweet story told in a poetic context; your idea is very creative.
There are some matters of spelling and punctuation that could be improved. Quotation marks in a conversation are usually "double," not 'single.'
You might want to look up the words "your" and "you're." You seem to have the meanings reversed.
I don't understand why a newborn would be using (even thinking) the F*** word.
I didn't understand the ending, why Kate's babysitter's name was "Womb." Also, the word count doesn't usually go in the body of the story, even at the end, after "The End" - it's not necessary. You could put it in the notes.
The picture is beautiful, and the green on black is a fresh, lovely setting for new life. Your idea is a very good one, and your story leads me to feel affection for the little one growing in the womb. I like that you give thanks to Our Lord.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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thanks Mary I've never stated that grammer's one of my strong points and I do an awful lot of talking into the phone and I don't use the spell check if I can't see it on a cell phone only computer.
I just posted a short script using single and not double quotes.
You will notice that in the poem which is also a story conversation that the egg is very confused at growing and this is mint also as a farce.
The language issue was blocked with the Stars so there was no need to put or list that.
as for my style whether I want to put the approximate word count in the editor's notes or at the end of the story or use epsom ization with capitalization or double quotes on sentences it's just my way of getting the point across.
I will thank you that you didn't take any stores away because earlier this one was butchered and the woman's name or supposed to last part of already name was Savage.
After she butchered it she actually had the nerve to tell me keep on trying.
She gave it three stars and I didn't mind so much but her comments need to be kept herself.
I didn't block her as we've been instructed by the administrator when these things happen but I did kindly ask her to review my works basically wow an eye to eye issue.
I did quote from 4 reviews who use words like amazing intellectually well done the show her that she was wrong.
I feel in situations like this instead of a revenge factor in reviewing one of her pieces cruelly it's better to bring out what she's doing wrong let her see that it's not the grammar or the style but it's the content which is very important as of course are some not a lot younger like teenagers here that are writers and they don't need to be chastised for their inability.
Thanks for understanding.
Ricky
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You're very welcome, Ricky. I never considered that someone such as you, or anyone else, might be dictating stories into the computer or phone, that could certainly impact grammar and spelling, so I will consider this in the future. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
Comment from emmaysavage
I like the idea of taking egg through the process of conception to birth, but as your poem goes way past conception, I suggest your title should indicate the process more. I think you could leave off the last stanza. I'd also like to see less explanation of the dialog, as "says womb," or "says egg" Most of the dialog can be understood without this. In stanza three "your" should be "you're."
However this is a great try over a complex idea -- communication between pregnant mom ang evolving child
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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I like the idea of taking egg through the process of conception to birth, but as your poem goes way past conception, I suggest your title should indicate the process more. I think you could leave off the last stanza. I'd also like to see less explanation of the dialog, as "says womb," or "says egg" Most of the dialog can be understood without this. In stanza three "your" should be "you're."
However this is a great try over a complex idea -- communication between pregnant mom ang evolving child
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Well thanks for you fine three stars.
I don't chastize over Grammar.
Your suggestions are indicated but not to my
Particular style.
This is a Short Script but I thought most would realize that.
Hence another star.
The explanation states conversation.
I didn't basically feel that this needed to be defended just reviewed.
The one Grammar issue is appreciated but all my other reviewers lived it with words like "Amazing", ""Mesmerized by your poem!"
"Found it wonderful!"
"Extremely unique."
"A Great try?"
No, I nailed it!
Sorry but I don't agree and think you need to ignore my future works.
Don't want to be mean but you basically butchered this in a "Savage Way."
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment from May 1
I was mesmerized by this poem. It is the type of poem I haven't encountered before and I found it wonderful. It had me under its spell until I finished it. I am thoroughly impressed with your writing.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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I was mesmerized by this poem. It is the type of poem I haven't encountered before and I found it wonderful. It had me under its spell until I finished it. I am thoroughly impressed with your writing.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Hi thanks for your wonderful review as it was just butchered by somebody meaning Emmay Savage.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment from NickieT
This was an extremely unique and surprisingly pleasant take on the development of a baby. Thank you for sharing this poem. It was engaging and the pacing worked well.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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This was an extremely unique and surprisingly pleasant take on the development of a baby. Thank you for sharing this poem. It was engaging and the pacing worked well.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Thank you Nickie.
I enjoyed reading your refreshing review and I quoted your words "extremely unique"
As Emmay Savage just butchered it and said...
"Keep trying"
Ricky