St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "St. Louis Chapter 20 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
20 total reviews
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello again Barbara, told you I was going to play catch up, I still have one more chapter to go. I enjoyed this chapter just as much as the other ones, I especially enjoyed the kiss, it was long overdue. I can't wait to see how they proceed from here, with the case and with each other. Good job and enjoy the rest of your day.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2020
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Hello again Barbara, told you I was going to play catch up, I still have one more chapter to go. I enjoyed this chapter just as much as the other ones, I especially enjoyed the kiss, it was long overdue. I can't wait to see how they proceed from here, with the case and with each other. Good job and enjoy the rest of your day.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2020
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LOL I think the kiss was long overdue too. Thank you.
Comment from susand3022
Hi Barbara! I'm finally catching up on all of my novels! I see these two are still dancing around each other... but the mystery is coming right along. This Sidney guy... I expect he's a major player... well, I guess I'll have to wait for the autopsy too... I keep wondering if she wasn't working undercover and that's why she was in touch with him. It would certainly make sense that she would call him all the time. And that could get her killed too. Well, as I said, I'll have to wait and see! Good to be back! Glad I'm caught up!
Happy New Year!
Susan
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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Hi Barbara! I'm finally catching up on all of my novels! I see these two are still dancing around each other... but the mystery is coming right along. This Sidney guy... I expect he's a major player... well, I guess I'll have to wait for the autopsy too... I keep wondering if she wasn't working undercover and that's why she was in touch with him. It would certainly make sense that she would call him all the time. And that could get her killed too. Well, as I said, I'll have to wait and see! Good to be back! Glad I'm caught up!
Happy New Year!
Susan
Comment Written 01-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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Thank you for the kind review. Great questions.
Comment from Ricky1024
This chapter was extremely well written and it's the first chapter I read of your book.
It had great theme and imagery and there wasn't any grammar issues as it read and very smooth and well.
Happy New Year!
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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This chapter was extremely well written and it's the first chapter I read of your book.
It had great theme and imagery and there wasn't any grammar issues as it read and very smooth and well.
Happy New Year!
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 01-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
It certainly sounds like parks is involved, but we'll see when Mac talks with him later. That might be too easy, though. Who knows? :) Need to type more.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2019
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It certainly sounds like parks is involved, but we'll see when Mac talks with him later. That might be too easy, though. Who knows? :) Need to type more.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2019
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Nothing for Mac will be easy from here on out. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dawn Munro
I'm laughing as I read. I can just picture Mac's embarrassment at her rash decision to kiss Logan. And her old friend teasing her about finally having something backfire was priceless. Well done!
The story is developing at a great pace -- very entertaining, Barbara.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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I'm laughing as I read. I can just picture Mac's embarrassment at her rash decision to kiss Logan. And her old friend teasing her about finally having something backfire was priceless. Well done!
The story is developing at a great pace -- very entertaining, Barbara.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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Always! :)
Comment from AGNA
This is everything a reader wants and it gets them hooked to from the first paragraph. I really like the way you write and unfold the story. It was my first time reading your work and I would look forward for more of it.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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This is everything a reader wants and it gets them hooked to from the first paragraph. I really like the way you write and unfold the story. It was my first time reading your work and I would look forward for more of it.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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My pleasure!
Comment from Marty Skye
The writing isn't bad at all, but I feel it could use some smoothing out. It reads a little bit wooden to me. But this is just my opinion, of course. I have a couple of suggestions.
Logan parked in Jose's driveway (,) as McKenzie scanned the police - lose comma.
Lucy hugged McKenzie and took the bread and salad from her. - Awkward. Not sure she could hug her when her hands were full. Suggest you consider reworking this part.
Pointing to the chairs, Lucy said, "Let's sit." - if you can get away without using a speech tag, then I suggest you do so. It tightens up and also smooths out the flow of the story. 'Lucy pointed to the chairs. "Let's sit." '
He didn't actually threaten him, but he did overtly. - I don't really understand this, since it seems to be a contradiction. Overtly means clearly. Did you mean covertly?
A good effort, overall! You kept the plot moving forward and left the reader wanting to know more, which is what makes a page-turner!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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The writing isn't bad at all, but I feel it could use some smoothing out. It reads a little bit wooden to me. But this is just my opinion, of course. I have a couple of suggestions.
Logan parked in Jose's driveway (,) as McKenzie scanned the police - lose comma.
Lucy hugged McKenzie and took the bread and salad from her. - Awkward. Not sure she could hug her when her hands were full. Suggest you consider reworking this part.
Pointing to the chairs, Lucy said, "Let's sit." - if you can get away without using a speech tag, then I suggest you do so. It tightens up and also smooths out the flow of the story. 'Lucy pointed to the chairs. "Let's sit." '
He didn't actually threaten him, but he did overtly. - I don't really understand this, since it seems to be a contradiction. Overtly means clearly. Did you mean covertly?
A good effort, overall! You kept the plot moving forward and left the reader wanting to know more, which is what makes a page-turner!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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I made a couple of the changes you suggested and will ponder the others. Thank you for your suggestions.
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You're very welcome, Barbara!
Comment from emmaysavage
I really like the way you present your posts. Here the dialog us realistic AND moves the plot along. You also create interest in your characters making me want to know what happens next
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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I really like the way you present your posts. Here the dialog us realistic AND moves the plot along. You also create interest in your characters making me want to know what happens next
Comment Written 30-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Too long? Too short, you mean!!! This part had everything in it, suspense, humour, romance, a bit of teasing, and so much more. It was brilliantly written, and again you left us wondering why the hell we have come to the end!!! Excellent writing, my friend, and I really enjoyed it. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Too long? Too short, you mean!!! This part had everything in it, suspense, humour, romance, a bit of teasing, and so much more. It was brilliantly written, and again you left us wondering why the hell we have come to the end!!! Excellent writing, my friend, and I really enjoyed it. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 30-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from tfawcus
I enjoyed the banter and the two men gently teasing Mac. I thought the dialogue in that section particularly good.
There's a nice balance between the continuing love interest and the rising tension of the action in this chapter.
One spag noticed:
"Nobody knew we were going accept (except) the three of us, Bill, and Mitch."
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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I enjoyed the banter and the two men gently teasing Mac. I thought the dialogue in that section particularly good.
There's a nice balance between the continuing love interest and the rising tension of the action in this chapter.
One spag noticed:
"Nobody knew we were going accept (except) the three of us, Bill, and Mitch."
Comment Written 30-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the correction. I originally had except then changed it at the last minute. I shouldn't have done that.
