Reviews from

Water chapter 13

The water has cured Ben

4 total reviews 
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What a nice story. The story about the orphanage made me a bit choked up. I wonder if they suddenly could talk if they would be punished for talking. I hope the water could make the children so healed someone would want them or some miracle would happen to change out the sisters or that they heal & gain kindness. Once again you close with the motivation of the reader's imagination to go wild.

Also I just posted a new chapter.

 Comment Written 30-Dec-2019


reply by the author on 01-Jan-2020
    I'm having trouble with these two chapters Everyone is out fighting bushfires there are seven states in Australia and out-of-control fires are burning in everyone. Send some healing power Liz. To date, there is something like 100 uncontained fires and something like two hundred and fifty homes are all gone two small towns wiped off the map. There are folks camped on any beach they can find, no food no water. However, the Army and firefighters from the USA are over here to lend a hand. Some places are in darkness at 9 am and other areas have a bright red sky where fires are burning. We haven't been able to find any animals and Koala bears. We have bushfires every summer, but nothing like these monsters. Keep the good vibes coming, Liz. Love U Anne.
reply by Liz O'Neill on 02-Jan-2020
    The writer known as Aussie wrote a poem expressing what you've said here. She said I could post her poem. I've taken the liberty to post on my fb page your account. Anne, I am so sorry. It brings tears to my eyes, I'm so sorry for your loss. It makes my heart heavy. I am sending healing energy and ways for the fires to become contained. I'm pleased our people are helping out. There are still fires in the western parts of usa but they've been able to contain many. Hopefully, they will be able to find ways to contain the fires there.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
    Thank you Liz for your review. Love Anne
reply by Liz O'Neill on 03-Jan-2020
    Now the chap of A Terrible Squishing is up for vote in the contest for Book of the month. It doesn't have a chance but it is fun to know.
Comment from aryr
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This was indeed a great chapter, Anne. Unfortunately the FanStory gremlin did it's famous attack. The spacing was great, the grammar was fantastic, so the fault was with the gremlin. From the conversation with Pat, Ben had done a 360 degrees. I am sure that there is something positive planned for the orphanage. Wow a new sink and frame, life is definitely blooming on the farm. Hope you had a great Christmas and have a safe, happy New Years. Luv to both of you, Alie.

 Comment Written 27-Dec-2019


reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
    Hi sweetness, yes I saw it I even put it over FS reviewer but it made no difference and I agonized over this chapter, so we all would be prepared for what comes next. Thank you so much for the shiny one, I don't deserve it this time so thanks. Love Anne
reply by aryr on 27-Dec-2019
    Yes you do deserve the sixes, Anne. It was a cliche that was not your fault. I enjoyed this so much. Luv you.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2019
    Thank you sister Alie.
Comment from eva garcia-mayers
Average
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this was a touching story. I like the quaint town environment you describe with the matching type of lingo of the characters. The only thing is that the story was a bit vague in regards to what had happened to the little boy and what this overall orphanage was to play in the larger context of the story. But its a good start and I like the idea of the main character using her means to get basic needs and necessities accessible in one way or another to the children at this center

ty for sharing!

 Comment Written 27-Dec-2019


reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
    When I post the next chapter I'll enclose a bit of history. Thank you for reviewing
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You have the elements of a good story here: lively dialogue, good characters and an interesting plot (as far as I can tell, as I'm just coming into it at the 13th chapter).

However there are a number of grammatical and proofreading errors that are fairly distracting. I can't go through every error, but I have named a few:

I know that the ? character that pops up a lot is from a formatting problem, but these characters need to be deleted.

For most dialogue, "double quotation marks" are used, rather than 'single quotes.'

Para. 7: "your hubby" not "you're hubby." (Spellcheck wouldn't detect this.)

Here is a paragraph where you have a single sentence followed by a fragment, followed by another sentence and then another fragment:

? I took my first ever tray of golden cupcakes out of the oven, and slid them onto some folded newspaper.?
As the sound of Cliffs ute rumbled up the driveway. I put more wood in the firebox, pulled the kettle into the centre of the stove. As Cliff walked ahead of Raymond into the kitchen.

You could fix one of the fragments (but not both of them) by replacing a period with a comma and making it part of the second sentence.

So although the chapter needs some work, it has a lot of promise. Ben's healing is quite intriguing, and there is a great mystery surrounding the circumstances of the developmentally disabled children at the Safe Haven Boys Orphanage, which will draw your readers deeper in. Interesting story!

 Comment Written 26-Dec-2019


reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
    Every so ofter I get hit with the gremlin and he turns my wonderful creationLOL into something no one wants to read let alone vote on. Marbaker