Before
our contract we know not39 total reviews
Comment from Jesse James Doty
You pose a lot of thoughts, here, with a theme of being born. I feel you dance-off in different directions, and it is confusing to me what the implications are, you are trying to pass on to us. Phrases like, "Left a love forlorn to be" doesn't make sense to me. I like the phrase, "Yet age betrays us well". So, it seems a hodgepodge of phrases thrown together, without due respect for the combined meanings of them all. This is just one person's opinion, and like you know what, everyone has one.
Take care, Jesse
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
You pose a lot of thoughts, here, with a theme of being born. I feel you dance-off in different directions, and it is confusing to me what the implications are, you are trying to pass on to us. Phrases like, "Left a love forlorn to be" doesn't make sense to me. I like the phrase, "Yet age betrays us well". So, it seems a hodgepodge of phrases thrown together, without due respect for the combined meanings of them all. This is just one person's opinion, and like you know what, everyone has one.
Take care, Jesse
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Hi Jesse. I thought, when I wrote this, it was coherent. But, I will admit, after further reflection, (as in the next day), I can see it as disjointed. Just because I knew what I was enigmatically saying...doesn't mean everyone will. But then it is interesting to hear all the different takes. I do learn this way, oft more than I thought I would. I will explain a phrase for you-"Left a love forlorn to be". I start the poem with allusions to existence before birth. Then forced to it. To humanity. To learn. To worship. (ie-a love forlorn).Ever meant to be for another and then and only then...may we be we. Sort of. Within parameters. I don't know. It is a little bit of a rail against all man is precluded to suffer. Great. Why bother creating me, giving? me self-will, (ha). Intelligence? Sure, as long as you don't presume to use it. Anyway, a short blab about how I felt. Thank you. Doug
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Hello Doug.
I might venture to say that what you have in the inner workings of your brain, is creative, at times a bit disturbing, and always original and authentic. I might also say that, this comes across sometimes more oblique, and may be misunderstood by the likes of folks like me. I think then we both can agree that this one was a bit disjointed. Thank you for sharing the extreme intelligence you have, that cannot always be contained into one poem. I like that you take the time to qualify your phrases and meanings with me. Have a good night.
Take care, Jesse
Comment from Sanku
Short ,terse lines taking the readers mind through birth ,old age ,betrayal, death and immortality. There are lasting images of fotprints ,yoke and blurred images...Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
Short ,terse lines taking the readers mind through birth ,old age ,betrayal, death and immortality. There are lasting images of fotprints ,yoke and blurred images...Well done.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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I thank you. And...have become a fan of ur reviews and insight. Doug
Comment from Dancemom
This is a good poem, but I am not sure I understand it. Your words flow nice throughout though and the structure is pretty. Good job and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
This is a good poem, but I am not sure I understand it. Your words flow nice throughout though and the structure is pretty. Good job and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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You have (perhaps) unwittingly perceived, understood, appreciated the poem in the fashion it was designed/written as. Gestalt. Feel. No think. I'm serious. Thank you.
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your theme about "mortality" and the "blurred" artwork to reinforce it. Yes, I must agree, at age seventy-six, that "age betrays us"! Here's to the "gift" of life- Joan
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
I admired your theme about "mortality" and the "blurred" artwork to reinforce it. Yes, I must agree, at age seventy-six, that "age betrays us"! Here's to the "gift" of life- Joan
Comment Written 05-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Absolutely, Joan. Thank you. Doug
Comment from Daniel Dalke
You evoke some interesting images and thoughts, but I find the flow a little hard to follow. You appeal to your reader, but I feel you have to bring us a little further along with you.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
You evoke some interesting images and thoughts, but I find the flow a little hard to follow. You appeal to your reader, but I feel you have to bring us a little further along with you.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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I understand. Thank you.
Comment from lyenochka
You take us from birth to a contemplation of mortal life in this poem of very short lines. Perhaps that emphasizes the shortness of life. Life is a gift but "age betrays us well."
Suggestion: Maybe add a question mark after:
"Have you lost
the one
long sought"
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
You take us from birth to a contemplation of mortal life in this poem of very short lines. Perhaps that emphasizes the shortness of life. Life is a gift but "age betrays us well."
Suggestion: Maybe add a question mark after:
"Have you lost
the one
long sought"
Comment Written 05-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Yes, you are correct. (for prose) Poetry violates, and should violate as necessary any and all grammatical rules. And I, of all people, do so with fervent impulse. Thank you.
Comment from Mastery
Excellent write, Doug. You have nailed the mood of loss in this well penned piece. I particularly took note of these lines:
The yoke
you bore
with print
so blurred"
Good job, my friend. Happy Holidays. : ) Bob
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
Excellent write, Doug. You have nailed the mood of loss in this well penned piece. I particularly took note of these lines:
The yoke
you bore
with print
so blurred"
Good job, my friend. Happy Holidays. : ) Bob
Comment Written 05-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Thank you, Bob. I remain, as always, elusive, but your friend. Merry Christmas. Doug
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same to you Doug. :) Bob
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
So fickle is life Victor, we are born to die and it doesn't really dawn on us until we reach start to see the finishing line, a wise write, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
So fickle is life Victor, we are born to die and it doesn't really dawn on us until we reach start to see the finishing line, a wise write, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 05-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Oh yes, with finish line in sight, does one contemplate much, eh? Thank you. Doug
Comment from Hitcher
I think we are all meant to suffer a little, love... hopefully a lot, know loss, feel all kinds of differing pains and all kinds of differing joys. Live is at times a white knuckle roller-coaster ride, lucky for me, I love roller-coaster rides. Mortality could be considered a curse but if you are a believer it is but a stepping stone to immortality : ))
Always a pleasure my good man!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
I think we are all meant to suffer a little, love... hopefully a lot, know loss, feel all kinds of differing pains and all kinds of differing joys. Live is at times a white knuckle roller-coaster ride, lucky for me, I love roller-coaster rides. Mortality could be considered a curse but if you are a believer it is but a stepping stone to immortality : ))
Always a pleasure my good man!
Comment Written 04-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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I really think we should sit down and share a couple bottles of 1959 red Burgundy. Then sleep in. I'll be a gentleman and let you buy. Happy Christmas and Merry Holidays...Doug
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Ha ha, how generous of you Doug : )
Speaking of wine... I'll be off on a wine tour in the middle of Jan, it's an eight winery in one day, hop on hop off bus tour of a very cool wine region over here in NZ. there is normally about 14 of us who go, they have live music, great food, fun games, dJ's and US. One of my favorite days on the year, it will be our fourth year going this year: )) Have a fun and indulgent festive season : ))
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Once again your poem causes the reader to pause and reflect on life and reflect on the poem. That's a really good thing. I always appreciate both of those. Thank you.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
Once again your poem causes the reader to pause and reflect on life and reflect on the poem. That's a really good thing. I always appreciate both of those. Thank you.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Barbara, you know, for a teacher, you are pretty "with it." LOL Doug