Mermaid Girl
Fantasy at the beach12 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Interesting fantasy! I'm not sure if the words are from the girl's imaginings as a "mermaid." I didn't think mermaids had toes. Here there is a formatting issue:
"at
sixteen."
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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Interesting fantasy! I'm not sure if the words are from the girl's imaginings as a "mermaid." I didn't think mermaids had toes. Here there is a formatting issue:
"at
sixteen."
Comment Written 07-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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Thank you, dear writer, for reading this work, my first flash fiction...Thanks!
Comment from JudyE
This is very different and quite ethereal. It seems to suggest it might all be a dream. The beach imagery works well too - shifting sands, qreen eyed waves. I didn't pick up any spags. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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This is very different and quite ethereal. It seems to suggest it might all be a dream. The beach imagery works well too - shifting sands, qreen eyed waves. I didn't pick up any spags. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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Thank you for your great comments and for understanding the teasing, or flash fiction of this work.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this was an interesting entry for the 75 Words Flash Fiction.
I'm not sure if this is supposed to be about a mermaid. I thought so, but you say, "But my toes remember the warmth of your sand..."
Mermaids don't have toes.
Well done anyways.
Sharon
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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I think this was an interesting entry for the 75 Words Flash Fiction.
I'm not sure if this is supposed to be about a mermaid. I thought so, but you say, "But my toes remember the warmth of your sand..."
Mermaids don't have toes.
Well done anyways.
Sharon
Comment Written 04-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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Thank you for reading my work and for your comments.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I like what you've done with this. She's presenting herself to you. It's not like you haven't seen or imagined her before. I like the little mermaid type feel of this well thought out and well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2019
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I like what you've done with this. She's presenting herself to you. It's not like you haven't seen or imagined her before. I like the little mermaid type feel of this well thought out and well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 04-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2019
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Thank you so much for reading this work about a little mermaid, or perhaps not a mermaid...I truly appreciate your warm comments.
Comment from Rmocruz
This well written flash fiction presents colorful imagery and my ambiguous imagination fancies a sexual connotation; especially for a sixteen year old boy. Line two: "Great metaphor"
I enjoyed this worthy contest entry.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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This well written flash fiction presents colorful imagery and my ambiguous imagination fancies a sexual connotation; especially for a sixteen year old boy. Line two: "Great metaphor"
I enjoyed this worthy contest entry.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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Thank you so much for reading my work and for catching the veiled metaphor!
Comment from reconciled
Intriguing...
Mystery delivered almost sexy, which always is.
My interpretation...a perfectly aged girl, feeling new born...tries to revive her husband's perception and that all encompassing love affair that keeps forever young.
Pleasure to read. Love michael
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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Intriguing...
Mystery delivered almost sexy, which always is.
My interpretation...a perfectly aged girl, feeling new born...tries to revive her husband's perception and that all encompassing love affair that keeps forever young.
Pleasure to read. Love michael
Comment Written 03-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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Thank you Michael for reading this short story. i am sort of fascinated by mermaids, and this was a labor of love...only 75 words. But it was worthy because you understood the vein.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is so poignant and so sad. The mermaid wants him to hold her before she is taken back to the bottom of the sea. I read you other reviews, and Angel was right, un hyphenate green eyed, and you will be fine, or add one more word. You can still do it. That happened to me once, and I learned from it. Good luck in the contest. Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2019
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This is so poignant and so sad. The mermaid wants him to hold her before she is taken back to the bottom of the sea. I read you other reviews, and Angel was right, un hyphenate green eyed, and you will be fine, or add one more word. You can still do it. That happened to me once, and I learned from it. Good luck in the contest. Sandra xxx
Comment Written 02-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the great suggestion about the green eyed wave, i was trying to insinuate jealousy. It works very well in two words, green eyed. Thank you.
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You're very welcome, it still works! Good luck! xx
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
You deliver a well penned and complete story. The contest calls for exactly 75 words and I have run this through several word checks, as well as counting manually and get a total count of 74. I think the problem lies in your use of "green-eyed" as when you hyphenate it counts as a single word and not two. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2019
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You deliver a well penned and complete story. The contest calls for exactly 75 words and I have run this through several word checks, as well as counting manually and get a total count of 74. I think the problem lies in your use of "green-eyed" as when you hyphenate it counts as a single word and not two. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2019
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Thank you for your wonderful suggestion, I agree and I fixed. Now it reads green eyed wave. I truly appreciate your suggestion.
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your account of a lost love. Even though it is fictional, it captured the nostalgia and I liked the "green-eyed wave" image. Best wishes in the contest- Joan
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2019
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I admired your account of a lost love. Even though it is fictional, it captured the nostalgia and I liked the "green-eyed wave" image. Best wishes in the contest- Joan
Comment Written 01-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2019
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Thank you dear Joan for reading this short fiction little story.
Comment from Sallyo
Lovely poetical story of a possibly never-was daydream. Or maybe she's a siren sister, hanging there to inspire and then reject poor young men? It's beautifully told.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2019
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Lovely poetical story of a possibly never-was daydream. Or maybe she's a siren sister, hanging there to inspire and then reject poor young men? It's beautifully told.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2019
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Thank you for reading and commenting in my first fiction little story.
