Monica
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Monica Chapter 13"A woman becomes fixated on Rob
14 total reviews
Comment from susand3022
Okay, Roxy!!! Now that we're all back and I'm all caught up on my novels again... it's time to finish off Monica! (One way or another... hahaha... who knows... maybe she'll go cliff-diving and hit the cliff! LOL) I need more!!! :)
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2020
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Okay, Roxy!!! Now that we're all back and I'm all caught up on my novels again... it's time to finish off Monica! (One way or another... hahaha... who knows... maybe she'll go cliff-diving and hit the cliff! LOL) I need more!!! :)
Comment Written 05-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2020
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Yes it is time for Monica to go away. I hope to end the book soon. As soon as some inspriation hits me. =} Thanks so much for the review. =}
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
It is common, a suspect of murder, intelligently or not, is ever interrogated or asked or enquired, while doing so, Monica's past about her biographical note revealed; well said, well done.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2019
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It is common, a suspect of murder, intelligently or not, is ever interrogated or asked or enquired, while doing so, Monica's past about her biographical note revealed; well said, well done.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2019
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Thank you sir.
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Oh goodie! I hoped I had not missed anything while I was inactive for a few weeks!! Thanks for waiting to post :). So they are hot in the trail of miss smarty pants! Woo hoo! Sarah is definitely not going to be happy about Rob's plans to trap Monica! But as we know, who better than him! So exciting! Can't wait to read more!!!! xoxoxo
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Oh goodie! I hoped I had not missed anything while I was inactive for a few weeks!! Thanks for waiting to post :). So they are hot in the trail of miss smarty pants! Woo hoo! Sarah is definitely not going to be happy about Rob's plans to trap Monica! But as we know, who better than him! So exciting! Can't wait to read more!!!! xoxoxo
Comment Written 13-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Thanks so much for the review =] Rox
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xoxo
Comment from Ulla
Hi Roxanna, your creation of the character of Monica is brilliant. She really is crazy and maybe a lunatic as well. I don't think she will stop at anything. I really like this story. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Hi Roxanna, your creation of the character of Monica is brilliant. She really is crazy and maybe a lunatic as well. I don't think she will stop at anything. I really like this story. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 13-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Thanks so much for the review =] Rox
Comment from JudyE
I'm pleased they're onto Monica. She is a real worry.
I picked up a few points:
Rob planned to dispatched officers - should be 'planned to dispatch'
At any rate, she seemed to stay out of trouble," Martin scanned the computer records. - insert period after 'trouble'
I've put speech marks around two phrases below. They are very similar and very close to each other so perhaps one could be altered a little.
but no evidence was ever discovered that she had "anything to do with his disappearance".
The dean, in his dealing with her, saw a cold, calculating sociopath and he had no doubt she had "everything to do with the student's disappearance".
Martin signed in exasperation - typo - sighed
"She was at my wedding, I didn't invite her, I know Sarah didn't know her. You know, there is something familiar about her." - periods, not commas, after 'wedding' and 'her'.
Rob got on the phone and asked permission to get into some of his old reports - maybe 'check' rather than 'get into'?
In ten minutes he had permisson and got on his computer and signed in. - comma after 'permission' and delete 'and'
Who knows how many guys she's killed. - should there be a question mark after 'killed'?
I don't like the thought of you being in the same room with her let along dating her. - comma after 'her'. Should be 'let alone'
Rob nodded. "First, let's have Doc go over all the forensics again with a find tooth comb - should be 'fine tooth comb'
We just need on hair, - should be 'just need one hair'
Thanks for an entertaining read. It flows very nicely.
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2019
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I'm pleased they're onto Monica. She is a real worry.
I picked up a few points:
Rob planned to dispatched officers - should be 'planned to dispatch'
At any rate, she seemed to stay out of trouble," Martin scanned the computer records. - insert period after 'trouble'
I've put speech marks around two phrases below. They are very similar and very close to each other so perhaps one could be altered a little.
but no evidence was ever discovered that she had "anything to do with his disappearance".
The dean, in his dealing with her, saw a cold, calculating sociopath and he had no doubt she had "everything to do with the student's disappearance".
Martin signed in exasperation - typo - sighed
"She was at my wedding, I didn't invite her, I know Sarah didn't know her. You know, there is something familiar about her." - periods, not commas, after 'wedding' and 'her'.
Rob got on the phone and asked permission to get into some of his old reports - maybe 'check' rather than 'get into'?
In ten minutes he had permisson and got on his computer and signed in. - comma after 'permission' and delete 'and'
Who knows how many guys she's killed. - should there be a question mark after 'killed'?
I don't like the thought of you being in the same room with her let along dating her. - comma after 'her'. Should be 'let alone'
Rob nodded. "First, let's have Doc go over all the forensics again with a find tooth comb - should be 'fine tooth comb'
We just need on hair, - should be 'just need one hair'
Thanks for an entertaining read. It flows very nicely.
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2019
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Thank you for all the helps. Rox
Comment from w.j.debi
You have created quite the villain. She Is so crazy no one is safe, and she even scares the sheriff and his staff to death. It looks like there is going to be a high risk undercover operation to catch her.
Great chapter.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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You have created quite the villain. She Is so crazy no one is safe, and she even scares the sheriff and his staff to death. It looks like there is going to be a high risk undercover operation to catch her.
Great chapter.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Thanks so much for the review =] Rox
Comment from Mistydawn
I wish there was a better way to do this than for him being a guinea pig. Monica is one wicked woman and this plan could go south quick. It's well-written, very interesting start to finish. I do hope they're careful.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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I wish there was a better way to do this than for him being a guinea pig. Monica is one wicked woman and this plan could go south quick. It's well-written, very interesting start to finish. I do hope they're careful.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Thanks so much for the review =] Rox
Comment from CrystieCookie999
It sounds like the net is going to get woven and then put into action.
The dialogue sounded like policemen conferring behind closed doors about plans of action. I only noticed a couple of things to fix:
It was amazing what daddy's money could buy.
Capitalize Daddy's since that is what his title is, even if it's just what Monica would call him, because it is a title.
Must be the classes there were challenging enough to keep her attention or maybe Daddy (capital D please, since it is the title she knows him by) threatened to cut off her trust fund. At any rate, she seemed to stay out of trouble," Martin said as he scanned the computer records.
We have to stop this psychopath or Sarah could be her next victim."
Add comma after 'psychopath' there in middle to separate two independent clauses.
Martin shook his head again, but gave in.
Just the opposite here. Take comma out since it is just a plural verb.
"You wear a wire and I'm there for everything."
Stick a comma in after 'wire' there to separate two independent clauses.
I think other reviewers pointed this one out, so you might have corrected it by the time I post. We just need on hair
I guess you mean 'a hair' in that list. Can't wait for the ending! I bet Monica breaks another nail, at the very least, when she gets arrested. If she lives that long, anyway!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2019
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It sounds like the net is going to get woven and then put into action.
The dialogue sounded like policemen conferring behind closed doors about plans of action. I only noticed a couple of things to fix:
It was amazing what daddy's money could buy.
Capitalize Daddy's since that is what his title is, even if it's just what Monica would call him, because it is a title.
Must be the classes there were challenging enough to keep her attention or maybe Daddy (capital D please, since it is the title she knows him by) threatened to cut off her trust fund. At any rate, she seemed to stay out of trouble," Martin said as he scanned the computer records.
We have to stop this psychopath or Sarah could be her next victim."
Add comma after 'psychopath' there in middle to separate two independent clauses.
Martin shook his head again, but gave in.
Just the opposite here. Take comma out since it is just a plural verb.
"You wear a wire and I'm there for everything."
Stick a comma in after 'wire' there to separate two independent clauses.
I think other reviewers pointed this one out, so you might have corrected it by the time I post. We just need on hair
I guess you mean 'a hair' in that list. Can't wait for the ending! I bet Monica breaks another nail, at the very least, when she gets arrested. If she lives that long, anyway!
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2019
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Thank you for all the helps. Sorry, there seem to always be so many boo-boos no matter how many times I read it over. Rox
Comment from DonMac
A compelling story with believable characters. That Monica's a real piece of work, I sure hope she gets her comeuppance. I'm sure you'll see to that.
I did notice a few small typos that should be corrected.
In the first sentence, I believe dispatched should be dispatch.
And then, later, "We just need on (a) hair, a fiber, a partial fingerprint, anything."
And here as well, "I don't like the thought of you being in the same room with her let along (alone) dating her. Sarah is going to have a fit."
Nicely done. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2019
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A compelling story with believable characters. That Monica's a real piece of work, I sure hope she gets her comeuppance. I'm sure you'll see to that.
I did notice a few small typos that should be corrected.
In the first sentence, I believe dispatched should be dispatch.
And then, later, "We just need on (a) hair, a fiber, a partial fingerprint, anything."
And here as well, "I don't like the thought of you being in the same room with her let along (alone) dating her. Sarah is going to have a fit."
Nicely done. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2019
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Thank you for all the helps. Sorry, there seem to always be so many boo-boos no matter how many times I read it over. Rox
Comment from royowen
So it looks like Rob is on to Monica, she's left a smorgasbord of trouble wherever she's been, thrown out of three Unis, a trail of missing persons, dead bodies, and now, Rob actually suspects she wants him. So now he figures he will be the bait that captures the "fish". Well done Rox, extra good plotting and writing, blessings, Roy
Typo : We just need (on) hair...a?
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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So it looks like Rob is on to Monica, she's left a smorgasbord of trouble wherever she's been, thrown out of three Unis, a trail of missing persons, dead bodies, and now, Rob actually suspects she wants him. So now he figures he will be the bait that captures the "fish". Well done Rox, extra good plotting and writing, blessings, Roy
Typo : We just need (on) hair...a?
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Fix my boo boos. Always have to have some so you have something to do. =] Thanks so much for the review =] Rox
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Well done
