Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Evil Walks Part II"Shenanigans on the frontier
20 total reviews
Comment from LaFrance
Excellent art II, Earl I enjoy your characters; they are real and each one has their own enjoyable language. I can pick a dialogue and know what character is talking.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Excellent art II, Earl I enjoy your characters; they are real and each one has their own enjoyable language. I can pick a dialogue and know what character is talking.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Thanks for the sixer, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. There's some good stuff coming up in the next one.
Comment from Therese Caron
I am new to this site so I have not read your first eight chapters. This chapter is very well written and does make me want to read the other ones so I will go back and do so. Even with this one chapter, the characters are very rich and come alive one more reading about them. I look forward to reading the rest of the book.
Terry Caron
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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I am new to this site so I have not read your first eight chapters. This chapter is very well written and does make me want to read the other ones so I will go back and do so. Even with this one chapter, the characters are very rich and come alive one more reading about them. I look forward to reading the rest of the book.
Terry Caron
Comment Written 08-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Thank you for giving me a try. I know the other chapters aren't paying but I hope you take a look.
Comment from Gail Denham
Well done - holds the interest and promises some real conflicts along the way - altho I'm not sure how the grandmother's story telling fits in - I suppose she's telling all this story later to the kids.
Good job. Your "same field, week later" made me wonder.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Well done - holds the interest and promises some real conflicts along the way - altho I'm not sure how the grandmother's story telling fits in - I suppose she's telling all this story later to the kids.
Good job. Your "same field, week later" made me wonder.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Something transpired in the field in the last chapter. I hate to give you a spoiler but check out Granny's name and the heroine's. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Mastery
Hi Earl. so good to see you got back to weaving this story. Trouble with long waits between chapters is we leave the loyal readers hanging and in some cases they lose interest. (hopefully not)
Again, I like the "down home" feel of this story from the get go. I appreciate this new chapter
Suggestions: I would change this a bit for better understanding: "the joints didn't ache so much after a dab of mountain dew." (Is he saying the whiskey is nicknamed "Mountain Dew?" or is Mountain Dew" being used as a chaser? If so make this small change to read as follows: "Her joints didn't ache so bad after a dab of the so-called "Mountain Dew."
Also: "Clancy gave Janie a wink, then said" Change to: Clancy gave Janie a wink, as he said......."
One other suggestion, if I may, Earl. Make your character list much much shorter and easier to follow by just using basic info for each one, like this for instance: "
He is a top ranked author and is currently holding the #25 position.
He is an accomplished novelist and is currently at the #27 spot on the rankings.
Portfolio | Become A Fan
Getting ready to hit the road
A chapter in the book Wilderness Redemption Road
Evil Walks Part II
by Earl Corp
Background
Frontier story filled with hijinks and shenanigans.
Carter Holler, Kentucky
1860
Roseanna took a pull from the jug. She felt the whiskey burn her throat all the way to her stomach. She loved that warm feeling she got when it got down to her tummy. She also liked how her joints didn't ache so much after a dab of mountain dew.
Nate might not be any shakes at farmin', but he sure knows what to do with the corn once it wuz growed, she thought.
She looked down at her grandchildren, who were hanging on every word. This always amazed her how the young'uns would listen to the ramblings of an old woman.
They need to know their people they come from, she thought.
"What's next Granny?"
"I'm gittin' to it, hold your horses."
*****
Same field 5 miles north of Pittsburgh
A week later
"I have to hand it to you Smythe, You picked some mighty fine mules and horses," Clancy said as he ran his hand along the flank of a big Jack mule.
"Of course, nothing but the best. I hope they meet with your approval Sinclair," Smythe replied.
Clancy gave Janie a wink, then said, " I don't think they're big enough."
This puzzled Smythe.
"These are the biggest mules I could procure, I was assured they could haul anything put on their backs."
"Yeah but they still ain't big enough," Clancy said.
"Why would they need to be bigger?"
Clancy broke out in a big grin.
"In case we gotta eat'em."
This solicited a chuckle from Janie and Mighty Beaver. Smythe wasn't amused and started to turn red at being the butt of yet another of these buffoons jokes.
"You assured me you, Carter, and the savage could keep us in fresh meat as well as guiding us."
"That was before I found out you were bringing 25 of the most worthless specimens of manhood I ever seen."
"You won't think they're so worthless once we get where we're going or run into a Shawnee war party along the way," Smythe sniffed.
"Yore right, there'll be plenty of them to soak up Shawnee arrows before they get to me," Clancy said.
This miffed Smythe further, he felt his face get hot as the flush creeped up his neck.
"I assure you, Sinclair, each of these men came highly recommended for their fighting abilities."
Clancy threw back his head and let loose a deep belly laugh, Janie giggled, and Mighty Beaver cracked a grin.
Realizing he wasn't going to win with these backwoods dunces Smythe turned on his heel and stomped off towards the main picket line of mules. Janie had watched as Smythe had red rise up his neck. The redder he got reminded her of a thermometer on a hot summer day .
"He's pretty upset," Janie noted.
"He's young, he'll get over it," Clancy said. Changing the subject, "I wonder where Doo is?"
"He is probably getting outfitted," Mighty Beaver answered.
"He's probably sipping tea with that McCallister gal more than likely," Clancy growled. "Leave it to Doo Carter to find any excuse to get out of work, even if it means drinking tea."
"You wouldn't sip tea with me, Clancy?" Janie pouted.
It was now Mighty Beaver's turn to be amused as he watched Clancy backpedal away from his statement.
"That durn well wasn't what I meant, Janie," Clancy sputtered. "You know I'd even take a bath to sit down to tea with you."
Janie rushed to Clancy and gave him a big squeeze.
"I know you old he-bear," she giggled.
"But that still doesn't answer the question, where in blazes is Doo?"
*****
McAllister Household
North Hill, Pittsburgh
"Father you can't be serious," Richard McCallister said.
"Oh, but I am lad, someone needs to watch over your sister," said Angus McCallister.
Richard peered out the front window where Roseanna and Doo Carter were sitting and sipping cider.
"Doo Carter seems capable of watching over her, why must I trek into the wilderness amongst the wild beasts and savages, HE WANTS To Go."
"Aye, that he does."
"And Roseanna seems taken with him."
"Aye, and that is exactly why I want you to go."
"But I'm not any match for Carter."
"I just want you to protect Roseanna from herself, now go pack."
"Yes Father."
*****
McCallister's front porch
"How's your cider, Doo?'
"It's fine, just the way I like it with a little snap to it."
The couple sat in silence. Doo because he was deep in thought, Roseanna because she was waiting for Doo to say something, finally he did.
"Are you still plannin' on goin' on Smythe's expedition?"
"Of course silly,"
"It could be dangerous going into Shawnee Country."
"Would you worry about me?" Roseanna asked with a twinkle in her eye.
"I'd be worried about any white woman making this journey."
This miffed Roseanna.
"Well you don't have to worry about me, Doo Carter, I can take care of myself."
"The Shawnee ain't the same as those two would be robbers."
"I'm not scared of any old Shawnees."
"You better be, if you don't want end up married to one, or worse."
"Godfrey has plenty of men going along, plus there's you, Clancy, Mighty Beaver, and Janie."
"And yore brother Richard."
"What???"
"Yore brother is going to help scout and hunt meat."
"My brother couldn't find his way to water if he fell in a river."
"Yore pa told mine he wuz goin'."
"Humph, we'll see about that."
Doo drained his glass and set it down on the porch rail.
"I reckon I better go get ready, sunup comes mighty early."
"I will see you in the morning Mr. Carter," Roseanna said as she held out her hand to Doo.
She was taken completely by surprise when Doo's big paw enveloped her hand in his and shook it, instead of kissing it like she had hoped he would.
"G'night Roseanna."
Ooohh, that man is so dense, she thought.
Recognized
I apologize it's been so long since I posted a new chapter, I got a new job plus I'm still writing for a newspaper on weekends. For those just reading for the first time, there are 8 more chapters in case you're interested, feel free to go back and read'em to catch up. For those only reading for Fanstory bucks and points, I know it's long and probably not your regular genre, give it a chance. Be kind.
Those wondering about the references to Our Grandmother, the Shawnees believed in a female deity they called Our Grandmother. Anna found this out while reading the chapter for me.
Ha-ho is a traditional greeting between the Shawnees
Cast of Characters
Doolittle Carter- lucky frontiersman.
Janie Wolfe- Heroine
etc. This will suffice, trust me. Very few readers will take the time to read that long list you have currently but even new readers will get the jist with short descriptions.
Good job, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
|
Hi Earl. so good to see you got back to weaving this story. Trouble with long waits between chapters is we leave the loyal readers hanging and in some cases they lose interest. (hopefully not)
Again, I like the "down home" feel of this story from the get go. I appreciate this new chapter
Suggestions: I would change this a bit for better understanding: "the joints didn't ache so much after a dab of mountain dew." (Is he saying the whiskey is nicknamed "Mountain Dew?" or is Mountain Dew" being used as a chaser? If so make this small change to read as follows: "Her joints didn't ache so bad after a dab of the so-called "Mountain Dew."
Also: "Clancy gave Janie a wink, then said" Change to: Clancy gave Janie a wink, as he said......."
One other suggestion, if I may, Earl. Make your character list much much shorter and easier to follow by just using basic info for each one, like this for instance: "
He is a top ranked author and is currently holding the #25 position.
He is an accomplished novelist and is currently at the #27 spot on the rankings.
Portfolio | Become A Fan
Getting ready to hit the road
A chapter in the book Wilderness Redemption Road
Evil Walks Part II
by Earl Corp
Background
Frontier story filled with hijinks and shenanigans.
Carter Holler, Kentucky
1860
Roseanna took a pull from the jug. She felt the whiskey burn her throat all the way to her stomach. She loved that warm feeling she got when it got down to her tummy. She also liked how her joints didn't ache so much after a dab of mountain dew.
Nate might not be any shakes at farmin', but he sure knows what to do with the corn once it wuz growed, she thought.
She looked down at her grandchildren, who were hanging on every word. This always amazed her how the young'uns would listen to the ramblings of an old woman.
They need to know their people they come from, she thought.
"What's next Granny?"
"I'm gittin' to it, hold your horses."
*****
Same field 5 miles north of Pittsburgh
A week later
"I have to hand it to you Smythe, You picked some mighty fine mules and horses," Clancy said as he ran his hand along the flank of a big Jack mule.
"Of course, nothing but the best. I hope they meet with your approval Sinclair," Smythe replied.
Clancy gave Janie a wink, then said, " I don't think they're big enough."
This puzzled Smythe.
"These are the biggest mules I could procure, I was assured they could haul anything put on their backs."
"Yeah but they still ain't big enough," Clancy said.
"Why would they need to be bigger?"
Clancy broke out in a big grin.
"In case we gotta eat'em."
This solicited a chuckle from Janie and Mighty Beaver. Smythe wasn't amused and started to turn red at being the butt of yet another of these buffoons jokes.
"You assured me you, Carter, and the savage could keep us in fresh meat as well as guiding us."
"That was before I found out you were bringing 25 of the most worthless specimens of manhood I ever seen."
"You won't think they're so worthless once we get where we're going or run into a Shawnee war party along the way," Smythe sniffed.
"Yore right, there'll be plenty of them to soak up Shawnee arrows before they get to me," Clancy said.
This miffed Smythe further, he felt his face get hot as the flush creeped up his neck.
"I assure you, Sinclair, each of these men came highly recommended for their fighting abilities."
Clancy threw back his head and let loose a deep belly laugh, Janie giggled, and Mighty Beaver cracked a grin.
Realizing he wasn't going to win with these backwoods dunces Smythe turned on his heel and stomped off towards the main picket line of mules. Janie had watched as Smythe had red rise up his neck. The redder he got reminded her of a thermometer on a hot summer day .
"He's pretty upset," Janie noted.
"He's young, he'll get over it," Clancy said. Changing the subject, "I wonder where Doo is?"
"He is probably getting outfitted," Mighty Beaver answered.
"He's probably sipping tea with that McCallister gal more than likely," Clancy growled. "Leave it to Doo Carter to find any excuse to get out of work, even if it means drinking tea."
"You wouldn't sip tea with me, Clancy?" Janie pouted.
It was now Mighty Beaver's turn to be amused as he watched Clancy backpedal away from his statement.
"That durn well wasn't what I meant, Janie," Clancy sputtered. "You know I'd even take a bath to sit down to tea with you."
Janie rushed to Clancy and gave him a big squeeze.
"I know you old he-bear," she giggled.
"But that still doesn't answer the question, where in blazes is Doo?"
*****
McAllister Household
North Hill, Pittsburgh
"Father you can't be serious," Richard McCallister said.
"Oh, but I am lad, someone needs to watch over your sister," said Angus McCallister.
Richard peered out the front window where Roseanna and Doo Carter were sitting and sipping cider.
"Doo Carter seems capable of watching over her, why must I trek into the wilderness amongst the wild beasts and savages, HE WANTS To Go."
"Aye, that he does."
"And Roseanna seems taken with him."
"Aye, and that is exactly why I want you to go."
"But I'm not any match for Carter."
"I just want you to protect Roseanna from herself, now go pack."
"Yes Father."
*****
McCallister's front porch
"How's your cider, Doo?'
"It's fine, just the way I like it with a little snap to it."
The couple sat in silence. Doo because he was deep in thought, Roseanna because she was waiting for Doo to say something, finally he did.
"Are you still plannin' on goin' on Smythe's expedition?"
"Of course silly,"
"It could be dangerous going into Shawnee Country."
"Would you worry about me?" Roseanna asked with a twinkle in her eye.
"I'd be worried about any white woman making this journey."
This miffed Roseanna.
"Well you don't have to worry about me, Doo Carter, I can take care of myself."
"The Shawnee ain't the same as those two would be robbers."
"I'm not scared of any old Shawnees."
"You better be, if you don't want end up married to one, or worse."
"Godfrey has plenty of men going along, plus there's you, Clancy, Mighty Beaver, and Janie."
"And yore brother Richard."
"What???"
"Yore brother is going to help scout and hunt meat."
"My brother couldn't find his way to water if he fell in a river."
"Yore pa told mine he wuz goin'."
"Humph, we'll see about that."
Doo drained his glass and set it down on the porch rail.
"I reckon I better go get ready, sunup comes mighty early."
"I will see you in the morning Mr. Carter," Roseanna said as she held out her hand to Doo.
She was taken completely by surprise when Doo's big paw enveloped her hand in his and shook it, instead of kissing it like she had hoped he would.
"G'night Roseanna."
Ooohh, that man is so dense, she thought.
Recognized
I apologize it's been so long since I posted a new chapter, I got a new job plus I'm still writing for a newspaper on weekends. For those just reading for the first time, there are 8 more chapters in case you're interested, feel free to go back and read'em to catch up. For those only reading for Fanstory bucks and points, I know it's long and probably not your regular genre, give it a chance. Be kind.
Those wondering about the references to Our Grandmother, the Shawnees believed in a female deity they called Our Grandmother. Anna found this out while reading the chapter for me.
Ha-ho is a traditional greeting between the Shawnees
Cast of Characters
Doolittle Carter- lucky frontiersman.
Janie Wolfe- Heroine
etc. This will suffice, trust me. Very few readers will take the time to read that long list you have currently but even new readers will get the jist with short descriptions.
Good job, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 08-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Thank you Bob. I changed it from Mountain Dew to Nate's Home Brew. I'm changing the character list with the next chapter. really appreciate you guys hanging with me on this. Your input and help is valued.
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Always glad to help Buddy. :) Bob
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:) Bob
Comment from robyn corum
Earl,
Looks like things are coming together and the parties are getting ready to head out. I expect things are gonna start heating up soon. *smile* Getting even MORE interesting. hahaha
Couple notes:
1.) They need to know (where) their people they come from, she thought.
2.) McAllister Household
North Hill, Pittsburgh
--> this name is spelled differently here than in the body of text
Thanks a lot! Good luck with that new job!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Earl,
Looks like things are coming together and the parties are getting ready to head out. I expect things are gonna start heating up soon. *smile* Getting even MORE interesting. hahaha
Couple notes:
1.) They need to know (where) their people they come from, she thought.
2.) McAllister Household
North Hill, Pittsburgh
--> this name is spelled differently here than in the body of text
Thanks a lot! Good luck with that new job!
Comment Written 07-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Thank you Robyn. Good catches on errors. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from brenda faye curtis
I always enjoy these chapters of WRR. They are worth the wait. This journey into Shawnee country should prove interesting with this combination of people travelling together.
I am curious about on thing: Did they have thermometers in this time period? Janie said Smythe's red neck reminded her of a thermometer on a hot summer day. I'm not sure when those were invented.
All in all, another good chapter!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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I always enjoy these chapters of WRR. They are worth the wait. This journey into Shawnee country should prove interesting with this combination of people travelling together.
I am curious about on thing: Did they have thermometers in this time period? Janie said Smythe's red neck reminded her of a thermometer on a hot summer day. I'm not sure when those were invented.
All in all, another good chapter!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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I actually looked it up and fahrenheit thermometers were invented in 1714.I appreciate you hanging with the story,and taking time to review my work.
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1714, Wow!
As always, you're welcome.
Comment from lauralumummu
I love your writing, it takes me back to those Saturday afternoon westerns we watched with my dad. He loved Louis Lamour's books as well. Those were great times and your words are very well written and your characters relatable. I take a bath to sit down to tea with you, hilarious. All the best, Laura.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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I love your writing, it takes me back to those Saturday afternoon westerns we watched with my dad. He loved Louis Lamour's books as well. Those were great times and your words are very well written and your characters relatable. I take a bath to sit down to tea with you, hilarious. All the best, Laura.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Thank you very much Laura. I don't know if you've read the rest of the chapters, but I would like to know what you think of them. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from aryr
This was a great continuing chapter, Earl. It provided a tad more information about several characters. Such as Richard and Tyler, the rest I know of from previous chapters. It will indeed be interesting as to how the story progresses. Poor Smythe needs to get a grip on his feelings. There was a good amount of teasing and joking which made it laughable. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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This was a great continuing chapter, Earl. It provided a tad more information about several characters. Such as Richard and Tyler, the rest I know of from previous chapters. It will indeed be interesting as to how the story progresses. Poor Smythe needs to get a grip on his feelings. There was a good amount of teasing and joking which made it laughable. Well done.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Thank you very much I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
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You are so welcome Earl.
Comment from poetwatch
Hi Earl, it's be a while. Glad to be reading your writing. The trip is set, the people ready to go, but why have women on the trail? I hope they can cook, then again they are warmer than blankets. Yet, with as many men going with Symthe they will be trouble. Good story. I'll be waiting on Grandmother to speak some more. :) Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Hi Earl, it's be a while. Glad to be reading your writing. The trip is set, the people ready to go, but why have women on the trail? I hope they can cook, then again they are warmer than blankets. Yet, with as many men going with Symthe they will be trouble. Good story. I'll be waiting on Grandmother to speak some more. :) Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Roseanna is to keep books for Smythe and Janie won't let Clancy out of her sight. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from papa55mike
I love that good ol' cider that will take your head off. This chapter is very well-written, and I love the picture. You might want to check your quotation marks, and there's a type-o in your description line, hit the road. You're missing the T. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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I love that good ol' cider that will take your head off. This chapter is very well-written, and I love the picture. You might want to check your quotation marks, and there's a type-o in your description line, hit the road. You're missing the T. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019
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Thank you very much I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
