Turn the Tables
A fight never takes place10 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
How did I miss this? I guess it was for an anonymous contest. Kudos to you, Rikki! I am impressed that you were able to tolerate that bully for so long and of course, God was on your side when the showdown came!
"He was the strongest and most athletic I had the" (maybe a period after 'athletic' would help)
" If It" (it)
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2019
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How did I miss this? I guess it was for an anonymous contest. Kudos to you, Rikki! I am impressed that you were able to tolerate that bully for so long and of course, God was on your side when the showdown came!
"He was the strongest and most athletic I had the" (maybe a period after 'athletic' would help)
" If It" (it)
Comment Written 01-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2019
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Thank you for the read and review.
Rikki
Comment from Dutchie
Very well written story, Rikki, with a great message. Stand up for yourself, even when you are not strong. I'm a small women, my mother always said to me: the little ones did not come to look the big ones in the ass. ( She was little too, but a tough one. Cowards are impressed by the way we act.., never show your fear.. Great story!! Fia
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2019
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Very well written story, Rikki, with a great message. Stand up for yourself, even when you are not strong. I'm a small women, my mother always said to me: the little ones did not come to look the big ones in the ass. ( She was little too, but a tough one. Cowards are impressed by the way we act.., never show your fear.. Great story!! Fia
Comment Written 30-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2019
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing.
Rikki
Comment from LisaMay
Good on you for standing up to a bully. It seems he didn't like confrontation - also, he would have known about the extra training and probably suddenly realised you might beat him. Nice that you extended your hand first. That would have made him realise there could be a way out with his dignity intact.
Well written; good twist at the end, and I liked the comment about a different ending, maybe a confession instead. Yes, it could have gone either way.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2019
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Good on you for standing up to a bully. It seems he didn't like confrontation - also, he would have known about the extra training and probably suddenly realised you might beat him. Nice that you extended your hand first. That would have made him realise there could be a way out with his dignity intact.
Well written; good twist at the end, and I liked the comment about a different ending, maybe a confession instead. Yes, it could have gone either way.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2019
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review this missive.
Comment from Patty Palmer
An interesting story about kids in school being a bully until the tables are turned and the victim challenges the bully and it's the bully that backs down. Well written! Good job!
Patty
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2019
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An interesting story about kids in school being a bully until the tables are turned and the victim challenges the bully and it's the bully that backs down. Well written! Good job!
Patty
Comment Written 23-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2019
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Thank you for your encouragement.
Rikki
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You're welcome!!
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:)
Comment from Elaine Chiodi
An interesting story of young love and heroism. Believable dialog... ...ec
Just some comments for thought:
- I was the kid = keep with the previous paragraph
- continually challenged = repetitious: used twice in two following paragraphs
- in crowds he = add "." after "crowds; capitalize "He"
- athletic = add period to end sentence
- "Look the" = add "at" between "Look" and "the"
- book)" = move the end quotes before the opening parenthesis
- (the ones that did not see blood) = place before the "."
- from = capital "F", start of new sentence
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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An interesting story of young love and heroism. Believable dialog... ...ec
Just some comments for thought:
- I was the kid = keep with the previous paragraph
- continually challenged = repetitious: used twice in two following paragraphs
- in crowds he = add "." after "crowds; capitalize "He"
- athletic = add period to end sentence
- "Look the" = add "at" between "Look" and "the"
- book)" = move the end quotes before the opening parenthesis
- (the ones that did not see blood) = place before the "."
- from = capital "F", start of new sentence
Comment Written 22-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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Thanks for reading and reviewing
Comment from Raul1
Interesting story. I think that this story has a very good chance of winning the contest! I like how you structured this story. It is good that you stood up to your bully, but remember fighting isn't the answer. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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Interesting story. I think that this story has a very good chance of winning the contest! I like how you structured this story. It is good that you stood up to your bully, but remember fighting isn't the answer. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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You're welcome
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:)
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You're welcome.
Comment from Ricky1024
"Turn the Tables,"
Was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues as well.
...
Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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"Turn the Tables,"
Was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues as well.
...
Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 22-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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Your gracious encouragement is appreciated.
Comment from RodG
I like how you describe him in contrast to yourself and how you ultimately challenge him to a fight and he backs down. But now, because this is a contest entry, take the time and go back an proofread. There are several errors in punctuation.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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I like how you describe him in contrast to yourself and how you ultimately challenge him to a fight and he backs down. But now, because this is a contest entry, take the time and go back an proofread. There are several errors in punctuation.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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Thank you for reading and the review.
Comment from Debbie Pope
What an engaging story. You do a great job with characterization. It's hard to create a memorable character in so few words. And, the stick idea is sheer genius.
Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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What an engaging story. You do a great job with characterization. It's hard to create a memorable character in so few words. And, the stick idea is sheer genius.
Well done.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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Thank you for reading and the review
Comment from Sallyo
Good story, including the admission that the protagonist still doesn't know why the bully backed down. It needs editing though, to get rid of all the comma splices and run-ons. Some corrections below.
He called me a coward and sissy in crowds he continually challenged me to fights,
He called me a coward and sissy in crowds and he continually challenged me to fights,
He was a favorite of the football coach and continually challenged me to strength test in front of the coach. He was the strongest and most athletic I had the endurance so his challenges were climbing the rope,
He was a favorite of the football coach and continually challenged me to strength tests in front of the coach. He was the strongest and most athletic while I had the endurance, so his challenges were climbing the rope,
We met in a vacant lot surrounded by most of the ninth grade, I was bare-chested carrying a tree branch,
We met in a vacant lot surrounded by most of the ninth grade. I was bare-chested, and carrying a tree branch,
(My only training had been reading a book)"
" (My only training had been reading a book.)
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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Good story, including the admission that the protagonist still doesn't know why the bully backed down. It needs editing though, to get rid of all the comma splices and run-ons. Some corrections below.
He called me a coward and sissy in crowds he continually challenged me to fights,
He called me a coward and sissy in crowds and he continually challenged me to fights,
He was a favorite of the football coach and continually challenged me to strength test in front of the coach. He was the strongest and most athletic I had the endurance so his challenges were climbing the rope,
He was a favorite of the football coach and continually challenged me to strength tests in front of the coach. He was the strongest and most athletic while I had the endurance, so his challenges were climbing the rope,
We met in a vacant lot surrounded by most of the ninth grade, I was bare-chested carrying a tree branch,
We met in a vacant lot surrounded by most of the ninth grade. I was bare-chested, and carrying a tree branch,
(My only training had been reading a book)"
" (My only training had been reading a book.)
Comment Written 22-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
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Thank you for reading and the review.************************************************************************************************************************************************************
