St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "St. Louis Chapter 15 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
12 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Uh, oh -- Logan is in the doghouse. Excellent! So believable.
Sorry for being so late reviewing, Barbara, but I am juggling so much right now that I am not able to be here a lot. Moving on...
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
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Uh, oh -- Logan is in the doghouse. Excellent! So believable.
Sorry for being so late reviewing, Barbara, but I am juggling so much right now that I am not able to be here a lot. Moving on...
Comment Written 26-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
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Not a problem. I always enjoy reading your reviews. I need to be on my other computer to work on the previous of observations.
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Thank you!
Comment from tfawcus
I think I've missed a chapter. Must go back and catch up!
The continuing volatility of Logan and Mack's relationship adds spice and an element of intrigue.
"He also found that both Mack's parents preceded him in death as did both Helen's parents." Preceded who? This reads as if Logan is saying they died before he (Logan ) did.
He paused. "You look nice by-the-way. (Needs closing parentheses and doesn't need hyphenation)
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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I think I've missed a chapter. Must go back and catch up!
The continuing volatility of Logan and Mack's relationship adds spice and an element of intrigue.
"He also found that both Mack's parents preceded him in death as did both Helen's parents." Preceded who? This reads as if Logan is saying they died before he (Logan ) did.
He paused. "You look nice by-the-way. (Needs closing parentheses and doesn't need hyphenation)
Comment Written 15-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Mack is McKenzie's (Mac) father. I know it's a little confusing. I will see if I can help it along. I have fixed the missing quotation mark. Thank you for the help.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
We have a rough idea of what happened with her father, and I can understand her reluctance in talking about it. She probably will in the end and feel a lot better for it. I'm glad she's speaking to Logan again, even if it angrilly! lol. Well done, my friend. Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2019
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We have a rough idea of what happened with her father, and I can understand her reluctance in talking about it. She probably will in the end and feel a lot better for it. I'm glad she's speaking to Logan again, even if it angrilly! lol. Well done, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment Written 15-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2019
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I think Mac and Logan will continue this battle for a while. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
Nice chapter. These guys need to get a better way of communicating. *smile* She needs to chill out a little, too. She's awfully tense, don't you think? hahaha
Of course, I have notes - I'm such a nit-picker! Don't hate me!
1.) I want another look at your shot group. I'm sure you cheated."
--> this doesn't make sense to me. This sounds like they want to review something that already happened on a previous visit. But before they got there he was asking her if they would even let him in, so it sounded like he'd never been there before. Confused?
2.) It's better (than) a lot of my troops."
3.) "Years of practice." He paused. "Ready for some lunch?"
--> When did they shoot?
4.) "So you not only fix breakfast and dinner, you do lunch too?"
--> he only asked her if she WANTED lunch, he didn't say he'd make it.
5.) He stepped closer to read each note, and then stood back and stared at it.
--> since there were a lot of items on the board, why not simply stop at 'stared'
6.) Logan searched for McKenzie parents, Mack Morgan and Helen Morgan's obituaries in the local newspaper. He found what he was looking for and noticed McKenzie was the only surviving family member.
--> there are some nits in here - but this some gets a bit hard to deal with. When I get into these situations, I cheat and go in a different direction. *smile* Here's what I would recommend:
-->Logan searched for McKenzie('s) parents(') obituaries in the local newspaper. He found what he was looking for and noticed McKenzie was the only surviving family member of Mack and Helen Morgan
7.) I think I had noticed at one point that you were spelling the heroine's name and her dad's name differently - here they are the same -->
because of that, THIS read really weird:
He also found that both Mack's parents preceded [HIM] in death as did both Helen's parents. <-- brought me up short
8.) Logan did a google search for Gus Piper.
--> should Google be capped?
9.) Logan grinned. "Of course, not."
--> no comma
I didn't lower the rating, but this one needs some editing imo. Thanks a bunch!! The story looks good.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Barbara,
Nice chapter. These guys need to get a better way of communicating. *smile* She needs to chill out a little, too. She's awfully tense, don't you think? hahaha
Of course, I have notes - I'm such a nit-picker! Don't hate me!
1.) I want another look at your shot group. I'm sure you cheated."
--> this doesn't make sense to me. This sounds like they want to review something that already happened on a previous visit. But before they got there he was asking her if they would even let him in, so it sounded like he'd never been there before. Confused?
2.) It's better (than) a lot of my troops."
3.) "Years of practice." He paused. "Ready for some lunch?"
--> When did they shoot?
4.) "So you not only fix breakfast and dinner, you do lunch too?"
--> he only asked her if she WANTED lunch, he didn't say he'd make it.
5.) He stepped closer to read each note, and then stood back and stared at it.
--> since there were a lot of items on the board, why not simply stop at 'stared'
6.) Logan searched for McKenzie parents, Mack Morgan and Helen Morgan's obituaries in the local newspaper. He found what he was looking for and noticed McKenzie was the only surviving family member.
--> there are some nits in here - but this some gets a bit hard to deal with. When I get into these situations, I cheat and go in a different direction. *smile* Here's what I would recommend:
-->Logan searched for McKenzie('s) parents(') obituaries in the local newspaper. He found what he was looking for and noticed McKenzie was the only surviving family member of Mack and Helen Morgan
7.) I think I had noticed at one point that you were spelling the heroine's name and her dad's name differently - here they are the same -->
because of that, THIS read really weird:
He also found that both Mack's parents preceded [HIM] in death as did both Helen's parents. <-- brought me up short
8.) Logan did a google search for Gus Piper.
--> should Google be capped?
9.) Logan grinned. "Of course, not."
--> no comma
I didn't lower the rating, but this one needs some editing imo. Thanks a bunch!! The story looks good.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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I made the corrections except for the two listed below. Please let me know if I need to add more.
Years of practice." He paused. "Ready for some lunch?"
--> When did they shoot? (In between the two posts. The end of the previous on they went to the shooting range, and then back home with the beginning of this post. I didn't feel being at the shooting range actually moved the post along, but we will need the results in a later post.
He also found that both Mack's parents preceded [HIM] in death as did both Helen's parents. <-- brought me up short (I actually meant Mack here, it's her father's parents.)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Mac sure is touchy. Lighten up. Tell him to butt out and move on. Stop acting like a girrrl. It doesn't fit your tough, macho character. I can't imagine how her grandfather's death has anything to do with Megan's, but maybe it's a reason why SHE is in danger. Are his killers afraid Mac knows what Gramps knew?
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2019
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Mac sure is touchy. Lighten up. Tell him to butt out and move on. Stop acting like a girrrl. It doesn't fit your tough, macho character. I can't imagine how her grandfather's death has anything to do with Megan's, but maybe it's a reason why SHE is in danger. Are his killers afraid Mac knows what Gramps knew?
Comment Written 14-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2019
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I think you will be surprised what is going on. I know I was when my muse told me. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ben Colder
It was so strong I heard the door slam. Anothe good one Barb. Now lets see what will be the next step about the Dad. Let er rip! Thanks for sharing another great adventure
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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It was so strong I heard the door slam. Anothe good one Barb. Now lets see what will be the next step about the Dad. Let er rip! Thanks for sharing another great adventure
Comment Written 13-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Bill Pinder
I enjoyed reading this chapter about your murder investigation and the relationship between the two. I am guessing that they will work it out and she will forgive him and trust that he is genuinely trying to help her.
Bill
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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I enjoyed reading this chapter about your murder investigation and the relationship between the two. I am guessing that they will work it out and she will forgive him and trust that he is genuinely trying to help her.
Bill
Comment Written 13-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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Eventually, but Mac has some major issues to work through. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb,
I see that you know how us readers here of Fanstory; wanting to read about 'Logan and McKenzie' In this chapter (14 part 3". I found that when I thought a romance was coming in sight, until I read Logan and McKenzis were having a dispute
to me makes your story, a must read.
Gert
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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Hello Barb,
I see that you know how us readers here of Fanstory; wanting to read about 'Logan and McKenzie' In this chapter (14 part 3". I found that when I thought a romance was coming in sight, until I read Logan and McKenzis were having a dispute
to me makes your story, a must read.
Gert
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
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You are welcome Barb
Gert
Comment from judiverse
Logan really struck a nerve with his research about Mac's grandfather. Seems Gus's death was suspicious, and never really investigated. I'm beginning to form some theories. I think Mac was overly sensitive when she threw a fit over Logan's investigation. What reasons could she have? It looks like she's calmed down and forgiven him a little bit. Logan's being patient with her, but he's going to have more questions than ever about why she's so sensitive about her grandfather. Great and interesting developments in this chapter. judi
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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Logan really struck a nerve with his research about Mac's grandfather. Seems Gus's death was suspicious, and never really investigated. I'm beginning to form some theories. I think Mac was overly sensitive when she threw a fit over Logan's investigation. What reasons could she have? It looks like she's calmed down and forgiven him a little bit. Logan's being patient with her, but he's going to have more questions than ever about why she's so sensitive about her grandfather. Great and interesting developments in this chapter. judi
Comment Written 13-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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I promise the truth will come out and it's not pretty. It will also take a while before it does. Thank you for the kind review.
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I have a guess or two about what it is. Can't wait to see if I'm right! You're welcome. judi
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, McKenzie is difficult to say the least and she's a hard act to follow. I have to admire Logan. He's not only taken with her but he's obviously also in love. Now we'll see what happens. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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Hi Barbara, McKenzie is difficult to say the least and she's a hard act to follow. I have to admire Logan. He's not only taken with her but he's obviously also in love. Now we'll see what happens. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 13-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
