Comment from tfawcus

Exceptional

Your setting the scene for a grand adventure here. Each dragon appears to have individual strengths and weaknesses. Let's hope Aaron can get them to work together. Last paragraph sward/sword

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2019

---

reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019

Thanks for the six! You're right about sword. I just looked it up. Spell check didn't catch it because sward is also a word. It's some kind of grass.

Comment from Willosa

Excellent

This is the first of your chapters I have read, I will have to go and check out the others now! I loved the personalities of the dragons, I hope black turns out ok and is just finding his feet.
Just noticed the spelling in your last lines, sward - thinking this should be sword.
Thanks for piquing my interest.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2019

---

reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019

Thanks. I just looked it up. Spell check didn't catch it because sward is also a word. It's some kind of grass.

Comment from Sallyo

Excellent

I'm entertained by the pictures you're finding. Sourcing illustrations for fantasy is difficult. This story is still coming along beautifully... just a couple of nit picks...

no-where.
nowhere

"What's in the cellar?" He asked as he finished.
he asked

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2019

---

reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019

Thanks, I had he and spell check corrected me. I think I'll believe you over the machine. I'll fix that right away.

reply by Sallyo on 08-Oct-2019

MS Word is a villain for that. If a tag is part of a sentence, and comes after the dialogue, it can't start with a capital unless it's a proper noun.

Comment from damommy

Excellent

Lots of excitement in this one. Hopefully, Black has learned his lesson . . . the hard way. It seems trouble's coming, if having his sword and shield is any indication. I hope none of the little dragons get hurt, and especially Aaron and Duane. Great imagery through that makes me feel like I'm there with them.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2019

---

reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019

Thanks. Yes, there's trouble coming. I don't want to give away too much.

reply by damommy on 08-Oct-2019

No, don't. I can wait. I think. 8-)

Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)

Excellent

Decided to concentrate on the mechanics of the writing today, although found there's very little wrong with it.

"I couldn't find any honey, so we'll have to drink it black,"
Honey doesn't change the colour of tea, that's milk. Honey gives sweet, black tea instead of bitter.
now you have so many dragons, too many "he's" makes it confusing who is who :). It would help if you gave names more, and employed commas to better use.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2019

---

reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019

Thanks. Yes, you're right about the tea and the honey. I'll have to fix that. I'll re-read and check the names.

Comment from Mistydawn

Excellent

I'm glad red and pink were there to help the newcomer out. Think black needs anger management classes before he gets himself killed, lol. The story is well-written, interesting, believable start to finish. I loved how you added suspense with the hatching egg. Nice job.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2019

---

reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019

Thanks. I thought Demon gave Black a crash course in anger management. LOL Glad you enjoyed.