Monica
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Monica Chapter 11"A woman becomes fixated on Rob
12 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Roxanna, because I've been away on holiday and am now so behind I'm only catching up with this story. It's very well written and she's so very dangerous. I hope that will be recognised before it's too late. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2019
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Hi Roxanna, because I've been away on holiday and am now so behind I'm only catching up with this story. It's very well written and she's so very dangerous. I hope that will be recognised before it's too late. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 29-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2019
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She's a bad one alright, I hope someone catches her soon. =} Thanks, dear. Rox
Comment from WryWriter
Your story chapter holds reader interest very well. That is the scary thing about a narcissist...you never know what they will do next. You did an excellent job showing this and pointing out how a narcissist has feelings for no one but themselves. Let's hope Sarah gets better...and Rob catches on quickly! But I have a feeling the author is wise enough to keep the reader on the edge of their seat and guessing what will come next. LOL!
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Your story chapter holds reader interest very well. That is the scary thing about a narcissist...you never know what they will do next. You did an excellent job showing this and pointing out how a narcissist has feelings for no one but themselves. Let's hope Sarah gets better...and Rob catches on quickly! But I have a feeling the author is wise enough to keep the reader on the edge of their seat and guessing what will come next. LOL!
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Thanks so much =} Rox
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Oh God, how many people are going to end up dead! Surely the police will soon begin to question so many dying in such a short time! I am kind of glad Sarah was so sick because it totally ruined Monica's plans. I hope they find the poison in her system and trace it back to Monica. There won't be anyone left in town pretty soon!! Haha!!!
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Oh God, how many people are going to end up dead! Surely the police will soon begin to question so many dying in such a short time! I am kind of glad Sarah was so sick because it totally ruined Monica's plans. I hope they find the poison in her system and trace it back to Monica. There won't be anyone left in town pretty soon!! Haha!!!
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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I don't know how many more she will kill. She's just crazy! =} Thanks so much Diana.
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You have definitely created a true psycho!! Haha!
Comment from robyn corum
Rox,
So glad to see you continuing this! I don't know how I missed the last chapter. I ran back and read that before reading this one and - man- that Monica is something else.
One note:
He got out his phone and text(ed) the number given on the invitation that Monica had given Sarah.
Thanks!
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Rox,
So glad to see you continuing this! I don't know how I missed the last chapter. I ran back and read that before reading this one and - man- that Monica is something else.
One note:
He got out his phone and text(ed) the number given on the invitation that Monica had given Sarah.
Thanks!
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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I had an (ed) and took it off because it didn't look right. Okay, I'll put it back. Thank you dear. Rox
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Wow, Someone had better stop Monica. She is a very dangerous person. Narcissistic and clever. She does not care who she hurts or kills in order to get her way.
She's stepping over bodies trying to get Rob's attention. Well done, Rox. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Wow, Someone had better stop Monica. She is a very dangerous person. Narcissistic and clever. She does not care who she hurts or kills in order to get her way.
She's stepping over bodies trying to get Rob's attention. Well done, Rox. Nancy:)
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Monica is a very bad person. Thanks dear. Rox
Comment from Mistydawn
She didn't get what she wanted so she kills someone? Or was it because he gave her the wrong information. Either way, I hope they catch her soon. Maybe something in Sara's bloodwork will reveal something. The chapter is well-written, interesting, believable. Your characters seem real.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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She didn't get what she wanted so she kills someone? Or was it because he gave her the wrong information. Either way, I hope they catch her soon. Maybe something in Sara's bloodwork will reveal something. The chapter is well-written, interesting, believable. Your characters seem real.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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She is just so very bad. She is my alter ego, doing what I would like to do to a few people. Just kidding, really. Thanks dear. Rox
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I wonder about you sometimes. Whatever you do don't read my Granny's Revenge. It might give you ideas. Hehehehe
Comment from Sally Law
This is captivating and truly horrifying. This would be a good entry for a horror story contest. Monica is a certifiable serial killer.
Here's the thing that doesn't make sense though. If Monica had a deadly toxin, say tabun or sodium cyanide on her hands, even if she washed them, she'd be dead in seconds as well. Just sayin. You may want to rethink that part for believability or mention gloves. He would have felt her gloved hands I think. An injection after chloroforming him would do.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
"Okay," was all Sarah could manage.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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This is captivating and truly horrifying. This would be a good entry for a horror story contest. Monica is a certifiable serial killer.
Here's the thing that doesn't make sense though. If Monica had a deadly toxin, say tabun or sodium cyanide on her hands, even if she washed them, she'd be dead in seconds as well. Just sayin. You may want to rethink that part for believability or mention gloves. He would have felt her gloved hands I think. An injection after chloroforming him would do.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
"Okay," was all Sarah could manage.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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I did think about her having poison on her bare hand so I did add gloves and he notices that she wearing them as asks about it. You can re-read that part and see what you think. Thanks for the helps dear.
Comment from royowen
You don't know just how brutal Monica can be, until she feels she's been slighted, and will stop at absolutely nothing to get her way, even killing someone, the ultimate assassin is Monica, absolutely nobody's safe from.A great plot dear Rox, blessings, Roy
Typo : He got on his phone and text(ed)...
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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You don't know just how brutal Monica can be, until she feels she's been slighted, and will stop at absolutely nothing to get her way, even killing someone, the ultimate assassin is Monica, absolutely nobody's safe from.A great plot dear Rox, blessings, Roy
Typo : He got on his phone and text(ed)...
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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I took off the (ed) because I thought it look wrong. I should have look it up. 2 people have said to put the ed back. Okay I guess I will. =} Thanks so much sir. Rox
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Well done
Comment from Alex Rosel
Hmm. This is an intriguing excerpt. I'm eager to know how Monica has killed Matthew {smiles}.
I picked up on just one general point you might like to consider:
The text went to Anna, Monica's housekeeper. She looked at it and adjusted her table plan to seat two less. -- Personally, I find this somewhat of a narrative disjoint. Before it, the narrative is firmly placed with Rob. After it, the narrative is again placed with Rob. Why jump away from Rob for a sentence or two? It's also unnecessary since, a few sentences on" Rob gets the phone call from Monica. If the narration jumps around too much like this, it's likely to disorientate the reader.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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Hmm. This is an intriguing excerpt. I'm eager to know how Monica has killed Matthew {smiles}.
I picked up on just one general point you might like to consider:
The text went to Anna, Monica's housekeeper. She looked at it and adjusted her table plan to seat two less. -- Personally, I find this somewhat of a narrative disjoint. Before it, the narrative is firmly placed with Rob. After it, the narrative is again placed with Rob. Why jump away from Rob for a sentence or two? It's also unnecessary since, a few sentences on" Rob gets the phone call from Monica. If the narration jumps around too much like this, it's likely to disorientate the reader.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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She is single-handedly reducing the population of Big Sky. I did make changes and hope it reads better and doesn't confuse anyone. Thank you for helps. Rox
Comment from JudyE
Goodness me. Monica doesn't take any prisoners, doesn't she? These reads well and there are loads less edits to make. I only picked up three tiny ones. Good for you.
Rob had no sooner hung up then his phone rang - should be 'than his phone..'
Blood was taken and test run to see - 'test' should be plural - tests
Rob worry increased - should be 'Rob's worry..'
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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Goodness me. Monica doesn't take any prisoners, doesn't she? These reads well and there are loads less edits to make. I only picked up three tiny ones. Good for you.
Rob had no sooner hung up then his phone rang - should be 'than his phone..'
Blood was taken and test run to see - 'test' should be plural - tests
Rob worry increased - should be 'Rob's worry..'
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the help. Monica is very good for population control. =} Bernie Sanders would love her. You probably don't know who he is. He's running for pres here and want to reduce the population to save the planet. And there are a lot of people who will vote for the idiot. =} Thanks again dear. Rox
