Aaron's Dragons
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Witch"An aging knight finds a clutch of dragon eggs
21 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is a great chapter, Cindy. I enjoyed reading it. I like that Aaron finally met the ghost witch. I believe she will be a pivotal character in your story. You did a great job describing the read dragon. I like the part about the tiny flame and puff of smoke. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love. Jan
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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This is a great chapter, Cindy. I enjoyed reading it. I like that Aaron finally met the ghost witch. I believe she will be a pivotal character in your story. You did a great job describing the read dragon. I like the part about the tiny flame and puff of smoke. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love. Jan
Comment Written 28-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Thanks. I'm so glad you're enjoying my story.
Comment from Latoyabob
Great job interesting story and understanding I truly enjoy the time and effort you put into it and that's what count you are on your way keep up the good work
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Great job interesting story and understanding I truly enjoy the time and effort you put into it and that's what count you are on your way keep up the good work
Comment Written 28-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Thanks. Glad you're still enjoying my story.
Comment from Coco Jane
Interesting tale. I am curious as to where Aaron found these eggs and what made him want to protect them.
You have several mechanical errors:
P. 3--He walked to the river and (no comma needed after river).
P. 3--The correct word is dived, not dove. (Most people don't know that.)
P. 4--...keep yourself hidden (not "hid").
P. 5--Taking one look back, he (comma needed).
P. 6--objections from Demon, he (comma needed).
There are several others, but I will stop there.
I like the line about telling himself the water splashing in his eyes was just to remove grit. Nice detail without overstating.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Interesting tale. I am curious as to where Aaron found these eggs and what made him want to protect them.
You have several mechanical errors:
P. 3--He walked to the river and (no comma needed after river).
P. 3--The correct word is dived, not dove. (Most people don't know that.)
P. 4--...keep yourself hidden (not "hid").
P. 5--Taking one look back, he (comma needed).
P. 6--objections from Demon, he (comma needed).
There are several others, but I will stop there.
I like the line about telling himself the water splashing in his eyes was just to remove grit. Nice detail without overstating.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2019
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Thanks for catching the mistakes.
Comment from royowen
I like the uniqueness of your story, I'm probably a little late in reading, but it's easy on the mind, and is a self contained episode. They water dragon had been safely despatched, and Aaron on arriving back finds one dragon trying to "cook" his sister, but stores her safely, (although he doesn't actually know she's a "her") in a kettle, thane a translucent being, witch turns up and says she's been watching the eggs for two hundred years. Well done Cindy, and excellent episode, plot, characters are wonderful, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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I like the uniqueness of your story, I'm probably a little late in reading, but it's easy on the mind, and is a self contained episode. They water dragon had been safely despatched, and Aaron on arriving back finds one dragon trying to "cook" his sister, but stores her safely, (although he doesn't actually know she's a "her") in a kettle, thane a translucent being, witch turns up and says she's been watching the eggs for two hundred years. Well done Cindy, and excellent episode, plot, characters are wonderful, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thanks. I'm trying to keep it readable for young teens. I'm going to have to figure out what to do with the red dragon. I thought I knew, but she seems to have a lot of fans. Chapter 4 has been posted.
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Well done Cindy
Comment from tfawcus
It is your use of small, believable detail that makes this tale most appealing. I very much like the description of the dragons and Aaron's interaction with them. I must look out for future instalments.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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It is your use of small, believable detail that makes this tale most appealing. I very much like the description of the dragons and Aaron's interaction with them. I must look out for future instalments.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thanks. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Chapter 4 has been posted.
Comment from Sylvia Page
I found your story easy and interesting to read, that children, with a vivid imagination, would find it hard to put down. The appearance of the witch who said she cared for the eggs for 200 years added more interest to the story. Well done.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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I found your story easy and interesting to read, that children, with a vivid imagination, would find it hard to put down. The appearance of the witch who said she cared for the eggs for 200 years added more interest to the story. Well done.
Sylvia
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the six! I hope the witch will add to the story. it needed another character to work. Glad you're enjoying. Chapter 4 has been posted.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
An interesting addition to your story. A witch ghost--very unique idea. And now we know where the eggs came from. Excellent writing, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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An interesting addition to your story. A witch ghost--very unique idea. And now we know where the eggs came from. Excellent writing, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thanks. She's a very unique witch. Glad you're enjoying. I posted chapter 4 late last night.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is well penned with no apparent evidence of SPAG making for a smooth and easy read. You described the baby dragon in vivid imagery allowing the reader to experience the vision fully. While the witch seems rather cold and aloof on the surface, she seems to have compassion. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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This is well penned with no apparent evidence of SPAG making for a smooth and easy read. You described the baby dragon in vivid imagery allowing the reader to experience the vision fully. While the witch seems rather cold and aloof on the surface, she seems to have compassion. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thanks. The witch is not too friendly, but she is concerned for the forest and the dragons. Her reasons will become clear.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Good day evening Cindy Warren
I read your story about Aron finding a dragon egg.
I'm sure that children will find it fun to read I'm a kid at heart and found that I will enjoy reading what happens when the nest egg hatches.
Smiles Gert.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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Good day evening Cindy Warren
I read your story about Aron finding a dragon egg.
I'm sure that children will find it fun to read I'm a kid at heart and found that I will enjoy reading what happens when the nest egg hatches.
Smiles Gert.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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Thanks. Glad you're still enjoying it. Chapter 4 should be ready by the end of the day.
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You are welcome Cindy Warren.
I will be looking for Chapter 4
Gert
Comment from Bill Pinder
Interesting story That is told with good creativity About the boy and his encounter with the dragons and the witch. You left the reader wanting to know more about what will happen with the dragons. Tune in next time.
Bill
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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Interesting story That is told with good creativity About the boy and his encounter with the dragons and the witch. You left the reader wanting to know more about what will happen with the dragons. Tune in next time.
Bill
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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Thanks. Glad you're enjoying it. Chapter 4 should be ready by the end of the day.
