Pebbles in a stream
Those simple times we just toss away a chance to do it diffe42 total reviews
Comment from WalkerMan
Yes, life in this world would be so much better for everyone if each of us considered the consequences for the other person before saying or doing the thoughtless things we all too often do. Sadly there are some who care nothing about others, and the resultant mountainous barrier of accumulated pebbles is a fitting metaphor for what they probably don't believe awaits them. For the rest of us, this poem is a good prompt to be more caring. Superb, and aptly illustrated.
Here is a recommendation for technical improvement not affecting the power of your words, hence not reducing the rating.
Stanza 11: Replace ending comma in line 3 with a long dash:
Love for some other --
to match correct long dash at end of Stanza 12, line 1:
Love withheld, restrained, contained --
Reason for the pair of long dashes: Emphasizes the effect of the actions
(and is the correct grammatical set-off for a phrase containing commas).
Please tell me if you make these changes; and, as is my custom, I'll return and remove my comments about them, to leave you a clean review.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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Yes, life in this world would be so much better for everyone if each of us considered the consequences for the other person before saying or doing the thoughtless things we all too often do. Sadly there are some who care nothing about others, and the resultant mountainous barrier of accumulated pebbles is a fitting metaphor for what they probably don't believe awaits them. For the rest of us, this poem is a good prompt to be more caring. Superb, and aptly illustrated.
Here is a recommendation for technical improvement not affecting the power of your words, hence not reducing the rating.
Stanza 11: Replace ending comma in line 3 with a long dash:
Love for some other --
to match correct long dash at end of Stanza 12, line 1:
Love withheld, restrained, contained --
Reason for the pair of long dashes: Emphasizes the effect of the actions
(and is the correct grammatical set-off for a phrase containing commas).
Please tell me if you make these changes; and, as is my custom, I'll return and remove my comments about them, to leave you a clean review.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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Your thoughts and wise technical assist is very helpful. Thank you doesn?t adequate convey my gratitude.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I like the way you have an extended metaphor going on throughout this whole poem, with the pebbles representing more of psychosocial/spiritual obstacles interrupting the flow of life/as a river. I love the photo choice. Not sure what to improve on.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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I like the way you have an extended metaphor going on throughout this whole poem, with the pebbles representing more of psychosocial/spiritual obstacles interrupting the flow of life/as a river. I love the photo choice. Not sure what to improve on.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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My sincere thank you.
Comment from Janetsue
I'm so sorry I don't have a six left. I totally love your posting. It causes readers to stop and look back over their lives. The good news is that this is a new day and tomorrow still waits for people to take advantage of what is being offered. Hopefully, we have learned from past painful lessons and don't repeat what was filled with darkness. I wish this was a contest entry so that I could vote for it. :-)
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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I'm so sorry I don't have a six left. I totally love your posting. It causes readers to stop and look back over their lives. The good news is that this is a new day and tomorrow still waits for people to take advantage of what is being offered. Hopefully, we have learned from past painful lessons and don't repeat what was filled with darkness. I wish this was a contest entry so that I could vote for it. :-)
Comment Written 17-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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Spangle thank you so much for your validation.
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You're truly welcome!!
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello JLR, What a great piece of writing with excellent use of metaphor. It certainly makes the reader think. A clever poem and very well written. Well done - warm, regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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Hello JLR, What a great piece of writing with excellent use of metaphor. It certainly makes the reader think. A clever poem and very well written. Well done - warm, regards Dorothy
Comment Written 17-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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Dorothy, your always kind comments are so considerate. Thank you...
Comment from Ogden
Yes, the countless regrettable things we do in our lifetimes, if represented by pebbles accumulated by each of us, would, indeed, result in large mounds of pebbles. Your point is well taken, J.
Don
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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Yes, the countless regrettable things we do in our lifetimes, if represented by pebbles accumulated by each of us, would, indeed, result in large mounds of pebbles. Your point is well taken, J.
Don
Comment Written 17-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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Thank you much.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from June Sargent
Such a simple poem with such a profound message. There would be dams bigger than Hoover dam if we were to be honest with ourselves. Missed opportunities to show love and kindness - too numerous to count. But it's never too late to show some awareness. Thanks for the reminder to open our eyes and hearts to these opportunities each day of our journey through life.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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Such a simple poem with such a profound message. There would be dams bigger than Hoover dam if we were to be honest with ourselves. Missed opportunities to show love and kindness - too numerous to count. But it's never too late to show some awareness. Thanks for the reminder to open our eyes and hearts to these opportunities each day of our journey through life.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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June I am humbled by your kind comments and exceptional rating..
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about the little things we do to hurt others along our path in life, mounts up to a big pile of pebbles at the end of times and then we have to explain all those things we did.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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A very well-written poem about the little things we do to hurt others along our path in life, mounts up to a big pile of pebbles at the end of times and then we have to explain all those things we did.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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Thank you for capturing my message so well.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Your poem is great, well written. I'd love to have a stream where I could throw a pebble in, no tossing a penny then. We should pray for someone and toss in a pebble, too.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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Your poem is great, well written. I'd love to have a stream where I could throw a pebble in, no tossing a penny then. We should pray for someone and toss in a pebble, too.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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Yes if we could get everyone to toss a pebble with prayerful thoughts what a different place planet earth would be....
Comment from BeasPeas
This is excellent. I enjoyed your post and the remarkable image. To give forethought to our actions may prevent us from building up such a dam. Nicely done. Marilyn
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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This is excellent. I enjoyed your post and the remarkable image. To give forethought to our actions may prevent us from building up such a dam. Nicely done. Marilyn
Comment Written 17-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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My sincere thank you, your encouragement is welcomed.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a gret job, JLR, with your thought-provokingm poem. Im like the way you developed it, and the way it leads to the conclusion. Yourm word choice is precise, and it makes sense of the way many go about their lives thinking only of themelves. We all live on this one planet. I believe God wants all to work together in harmony which is difficult with all the personalities etc. Some people do try while others ignore everyone but themselves. Now we are in the me, me, me time. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully withAdmiration. Jan
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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You did a gret job, JLR, with your thought-provokingm poem. Im like the way you developed it, and the way it leads to the conclusion. Yourm word choice is precise, and it makes sense of the way many go about their lives thinking only of themelves. We all live on this one planet. I believe God wants all to work together in harmony which is difficult with all the personalities etc. Some people do try while others ignore everyone but themselves. Now we are in the me, me, me time. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully withAdmiration. Jan
Comment Written 17-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
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My sincere thanks for your clear understanding and continued encouragement.
