Naughty Country
dare you not7 total reviews
Comment from Sylvia Page
It certainly would have been a difficult story for you to write. Their faith kept strong and by that, they were able to save Cassandra, poor soul. There was a good lesson in this story.
Best wishes
Sylvia
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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It certainly would have been a difficult story for you to write. Their faith kept strong and by that, they were able to save Cassandra, poor soul. There was a good lesson in this story.
Best wishes
Sylvia
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind comments
Comment from Susan Morritt
Your story starts out with an interesting theme of innocent college kids leaving home for the first time. Innocent young people whom have been raised with religion and a sense of decency. You state that you are unfamiliar with "truth or dare" (a game I am unfamiliar with as well...) However... I do have some problems with your format. At times your writing seems to be almost like you are writing for a script with an "aside" (or talking to the visually impaired to describe a physical action when the dialogue is silent.) Also, your use of biblical quotes is questionable in its authenticity. "Our father, who art in heaven"-- not "is" in heaven.
Susan
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Your story starts out with an interesting theme of innocent college kids leaving home for the first time. Innocent young people whom have been raised with religion and a sense of decency. You state that you are unfamiliar with "truth or dare" (a game I am unfamiliar with as well...) However... I do have some problems with your format. At times your writing seems to be almost like you are writing for a script with an "aside" (or talking to the visually impaired to describe a physical action when the dialogue is silent.) Also, your use of biblical quotes is questionable in its authenticity. "Our father, who art in heaven"-- not "is" in heaven.
Susan
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your review and your kind suggestions.
Comment from Darlene Franklin
I wasn't digging the story until the end, but I love how Eve and Arthur got through the fire by their faith in God - shades of Bednach, Shadrack and Abednego. There are several typos, missed words, verse tense issues - you might want to proofread it again. I appreciate the truth you present here.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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I wasn't digging the story until the end, but I love how Eve and Arthur got through the fire by their faith in God - shades of Bednach, Shadrack and Abednego. There are several typos, missed words, verse tense issues - you might want to proofread it again. I appreciate the truth you present here.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind words and also for pointing out the typos
Comment from lyenochka
This story is hard to follow and is longer than it needs to be to tell it. Also, the font size is huge. I'm not sure if that helped or made it harder to read.
"fall so easily pray to vicious habits. " (prey)
"they think they are" (do they think they are)
"hysteric" (hysterical)
"The Lord is my Sheppard" (Shepherd)
Not sure why you use colons before quotes.
There are other minor comma issues but didn't want to make this too long.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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This story is hard to follow and is longer than it needs to be to tell it. Also, the font size is huge. I'm not sure if that helped or made it harder to read.
"fall so easily pray to vicious habits. " (prey)
"they think they are" (do they think they are)
"hysteric" (hysterical)
"The Lord is my Sheppard" (Shepherd)
Not sure why you use colons before quotes.
There are other minor comma issues but didn't want to make this too long.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your review and for pointing out the error. I am sorry if I have offended you eyes with my font🙃
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No I'm not offended at all. In fact, it may be better for some people with vision issues.
Comment from Sandra Montanino
Wow. That was quite a story. Very imaginative and it has a strong moral lesson. I guess you are a good contender for your contest, Naughty Game. Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Wow. That was quite a story. Very imaginative and it has a strong moral lesson. I guess you are a good contender for your contest, Naughty Game. Well done.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind review and encouragements.
Comment from Cindy Warren
That was kind of creepy. I'm glad Cassandra got away from Harry in the end. He must be some sort of devil. Why would he want Eve and Arthur to jump in the fire? Would saving their friend create the sort of energy he could use? It ended up doing the opposite, as I would have expected. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2019
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That was kind of creepy. I'm glad Cassandra got away from Harry in the end. He must be some sort of devil. Why would he want Eve and Arthur to jump in the fire? Would saving their friend create the sort of energy he could use? It ended up doing the opposite, as I would have expected. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind comments. The Master was the Devil and he wanted the pure energy so the Evil would prevail.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This certainly was a very naughty game. It is well penned and meets the contest requirements splendidly. I thought it progressed in a logical and cohesive manner. The character an the dialog were believable and nicely developed. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2019
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This certainly was a very naughty game. It is well penned and meets the contest requirements splendidly. I thought it progressed in a logical and cohesive manner. The character an the dialog were believable and nicely developed. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for reading and your encouraging comments.
