Wish Upon A Star
Making wishes come true.6 total reviews
Comment from Darlene Franklin
Thanks for writing about the wishing star. We all can use a place to hang out hopes! You mother w as lovely to encourage you to be a dreamer. Thanks for sharing your story.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thanks for writing about the wishing star. We all can use a place to hang out hopes! You mother w as lovely to encourage you to be a dreamer. Thanks for sharing your story.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
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You're welcome.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I enjoyed reading this. You've written it in an authorial voice suitable for a myth, and that meets the contest's remit {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
She tells me that it is a Wishing Star. -- Personally, I'm always looking to omit the word that whenever I can. The reason for this is because unnecessary words tend to detract from the pace of the prose. So, if removing the word that from a sentence doesn't change its meaning, then I will delete it. Such is the case here. The snappier result has the same meaning: She tells me it is a Wishing Star.
My mom and I watch the night sky. -- This is a repeat of your initial sentence. Did you mean to repeat it, maybe for emphasis?
sparkling wishing dust all upon us -- I really like this snippet. To think of the twinkling a star makes as sprinkling "wishing dust" is neat {smiles}.
And I like your last two sentences. They sign off from the piece, likely leaving a feeling of optimism {smiles}.
Good luck with the competition {smiles}.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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I enjoyed reading this. You've written it in an authorial voice suitable for a myth, and that meets the contest's remit {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
She tells me that it is a Wishing Star. -- Personally, I'm always looking to omit the word that whenever I can. The reason for this is because unnecessary words tend to detract from the pace of the prose. So, if removing the word that from a sentence doesn't change its meaning, then I will delete it. Such is the case here. The snappier result has the same meaning: She tells me it is a Wishing Star.
My mom and I watch the night sky. -- This is a repeat of your initial sentence. Did you mean to repeat it, maybe for emphasis?
sparkling wishing dust all upon us -- I really like this snippet. To think of the twinkling a star makes as sprinkling "wishing dust" is neat {smiles}.
And I like your last two sentences. They sign off from the piece, likely leaving a feeling of optimism {smiles}.
Good luck with the competition {smiles}.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A very simple and fantastical story about a mom and child and the Wishing Star that adds to their shared bond through the years... a perfect offering for this contest! ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck at the polls! ;)
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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A very simple and fantastical story about a mom and child and the Wishing Star that adds to their shared bond through the years... a perfect offering for this contest! ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck at the polls! ;)
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
Comment from Mia Twysted
Very wonderful message to put out there into the world. We should all believe in ourselves. We don't do that enough.
I love that you have these memories with your mother.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Very wonderful message to put out there into the world. We should all believe in ourselves. We don't do that enough.
I love that you have these memories with your mother.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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It is fiction and part of fantasy. I didn't do it. It's a made up story. But, Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from F Scott Hafner
The first step in achieving a goal is to state it very clearly. Wishing is one very good way to do that. And doing so upon something far away can bring untold power
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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The first step in achieving a goal is to state it very clearly. Wishing is one very good way to do that. And doing so upon something far away can bring untold power
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from J W Warner
I liked this, especially the fantasy aspect of using another name for a star which could be any of a number of prominent stars in the night sky of the Northern or Southern Hemispheres.
My only other comment is that you could have written another 80-100 words and still met the contest parameters. The ending seemed a bit rushed compared to the pace of the first paragraphs, which were very nicely crafted.
Good luck.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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I liked this, especially the fantasy aspect of using another name for a star which could be any of a number of prominent stars in the night sky of the Northern or Southern Hemispheres.
My only other comment is that you could have written another 80-100 words and still met the contest parameters. The ending seemed a bit rushed compared to the pace of the first paragraphs, which were very nicely crafted.
Good luck.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
