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St Louis

Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "St. Louis Chapter 12 part 2"
Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?

18 total reviews 
Comment from robyn corum
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Barbara,

I'm running behind, but I finally got here. *smile* Looks like a good post, and I'm with these characters, something is smelly in Denmark. Yuck. There's no excuse for finding a cell phone LATER at a crime scene.

I did pause when Mac said she had never considered robbery before, though. That's kinda basic, isn't it??

Thanks!

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
    Depends on the circumstances. I appreciate you dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Sylvia Page
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

An easy flow dialogue in this chapter, with some headway in finding a phone. That does not mean it is 'THE PHONE' I doubt they can scrutinize it as they might lose any fingerprints it may have. Found a typo...

Why were they (were) meeting? /Why were they meeting?
Best,
Sylvia

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the kind review. I will fix that area.
Comment from Gail Denham
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Nice chapter - makes sense - brings in the small things which makes it come real. Sounds like an interesting and intense book - glad you're coming along to the finish. Good job.

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ideasaregems-Dawn
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

"McKenzie rubbed her stomach." ...
...then later (again) she 'rubbed her tummy'. It's also been an action mentioned in previous chapters, so my suggestion is that it's overdone. Maybe leave it out where you can? (Too "cute" ?)

Otherwise, the story is progressing wonderfully. Very realistic, although I would like to see a bit more of Logan's grief, like his mentioning she was his "baby sister".

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
    Logon is delta force trained, showing emotion isn't his thing. Thank you for the kind review.
reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 09-Sep-2019
    You're welcome.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a good chapter. I think the dialogue is so realistic that I almost felt like I was there listening to real people. I noticed in the recap of the preceding chapter the line: She's a total junk food junkier
and that I think you mean 'junkie' and not 'junkier.' But other than that, it seemed like very clean writing. It makes me wonder how this will all turn out! Finding a cell phone seems like it will be a big help somehow, since more than 25% of the chapter here is emphasizing it.

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the kind review. I will fix that area.
Comment from judiverse
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Mac and Logan are working together pretty well in this scene. Probably because Logan is feeling guilty and thinks he could have looked after her better, but it sounds like Megan must have been making some bad choices. The crime scene doesn't look very carefully preserved. The results of the autopsy haven't been released yet. A phone is found, but Mac doesn't think it was Megan's. It certainly looks like there was a cover up, and at this point Mac doesn't know who to trust. She trusts Jose but wonders who else in the police department she can trust. Lots of suspense and questions in this. Great work. judi

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the kind review. Mac's job is getting harder and harder.
reply by judiverse on 09-Sep-2019
    You're very welcome. It's really going to get involved if the police are covering up for some reason. They certainly haven't done a good investigation. judi
Comment from tfawcus
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You certainly have more questions than answers in this chapter but, the way McKenzie and Logan are now getting on, they'll make a formidable pair to crack this complicated case.

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from sandramitchell
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent chapter, and not too long at all. Now they have this black phone, I wonder if it does have anything to do with Megan's murder, or if it was just dropped by someone accidently. And, what are the police hiding? There are lots of questions needing answers. Let's hope Mac knows someone on the case who is trustworthy. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx

I'm so sorry it jumped to the 3 stars instead of staying on the 6. I can only give you a five now, which is so annoying. I owe you one! xxxx

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
    I know how that happens. No problems. Your thoughts are worth it. Thank you.
Comment from Tootsie55
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Another good chapter as always. I am so glad I get to do a couple of reviews and bump us both up some notches. Geoff will have some Rambles chapters up in a day or so. Got an idea from Robyn Corum for the Index to help you all get to particular chapters you are interested in. I tried HTML links but they would not work.

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Good to see you and Ulla back again. You both had me worried that you had beat me to the exit! You are both such good reading. I will miss it. Now for spags and suggestions. An (un??)easy silence ...did you mean it that way?

Why were they [were] meeting?

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 08-Sep-2019
    I"ll be around a while. I stick around for help editing.