Giggling Girls and Boozy Boys
An Abundantly Alliterative Adventure (296 words)9 total reviews
Comment from Michele Harber
Congratulations, LisaMay. This story is very funny, and you used the required alliteration beautifully and extensively. Gee, where did you ever get the idea for a group of girls getting away on a train??!! Great job, and you definitely deserved the top spot, even if you had to share with other deserving winners.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2019
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Congratulations, LisaMay. This story is very funny, and you used the required alliteration beautifully and extensively. Gee, where did you ever get the idea for a group of girls getting away on a train??!! Great job, and you definitely deserved the top spot, even if you had to share with other deserving winners.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2019
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Thanks so much Michele. (The 'jiggling jugs' was Diana's contribution.) I was intrigued to see that a couple of the entries stuck with 1 letter for all the alliteration. I was told by another entrant that mine wasn't really 'an alliterative story' because I had used multiple letters. I hadn't specified the stories MUST only use 1 letter, so I don't know why she thought it had to. It's interesting how people interpret instructions differently.
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Someone, I assume the same person who gave you the hard time, gave me only 4 stars for exactly the same reason. I mentioned that to someone else who?d given me a wonderful review, and he commented that nowhere in the prompt did it say that you had to alliterate only one letter, and he couldn?t understand why the other person felt that way. I figure that if you, as the person who created the contest, don?t care, there?s no reason anyone else should and, besides, it?s no one else?s freakin? business!!
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Exactly! I also got a comment on the discussion thread saying it probably wasn't a 'flash fiction' either, yet my research said that a flash fiction story was one of only several hundred words at the most. 300 words is several hundred. People just like to look like they know more than other people I guess.
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Hey, I just checked and the grumpy person who knocked your story down only got one vote for hers... her own I suppose. Just shows how much she knows about storytelling. Variety being the spice etc.
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Thanks, LisaMay. I didn?t even pay attention to her name, as she wasn?t worth my time and effort - but it?s really nice to know she only got one vote!!!!! Thanks for letting me know. I guess you and I have been ?vindicated.?
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Some people just want you to think they know more than they actually do. Of course, some people just like to complain.
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Well and truly vindicated.
Down with the vain, the pompous, and those that just piss us off!
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Amen, Sistuh!
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I like this. I've always wanted to travel by Amtrack. The adventure that you've painted with your beautiful, clever, and colorful writing makes me want to go even more. Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2019
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I like this. I've always wanted to travel by Amtrack. The adventure that you've painted with your beautiful, clever, and colorful writing makes me want to go even more. Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 30-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2019
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Thanks for your wonderful review. I wonder if Amtrak might like my story for advertising, haha!!
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello mystery writer. That's a lot of alliteration. You not only had an abundance of alliteration in your story but it also made sense. It's very easy in a formula like this to fill the story with alliteration but then it makes no sense. Your story makes lots of sense. Good job. Good luck in the contest. Robert
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2019
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Hello mystery writer. That's a lot of alliteration. You not only had an abundance of alliteration in your story but it also made sense. It's very easy in a formula like this to fill the story with alliteration but then it makes no sense. Your story makes lots of sense. Good job. Good luck in the contest. Robert
Comment Written 30-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2019
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I concentrated on keeping it making sense so I'm pleased that my storyline read well for you. Thanks for your review.
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You're welcome!
Comment from Rikki66
Good luck in the contest. I remember a train trip in 1965, the clickety-clack of the track as we bumped and swayed from San Antonio to Mongomery. I never slept better.
Rikki LXVI
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2019
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Good luck in the contest. I remember a train trip in 1965, the clickety-clack of the track as we bumped and swayed from San Antonio to Mongomery. I never slept better.
Rikki LXVI
Comment Written 30-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2019
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That is a nice memory for you.
Thanks for your review of my story.
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Welcome
Rikki
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I am not certain that in a truly alliterative text you can change the letter as you go. However, it certainly makes for an enjoyable story that doesn't seem too far-fetched. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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I am not certain that in a truly alliterative text you can change the letter as you go. However, it certainly makes for an enjoyable story that doesn't seem too far-fetched. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Thanks for your review and for your instructional comment. I do not think it is compulsory to just stick to using one letter for alliteration. That wasn't a stated prerequisite of the contest. I do admire how some of the contest entries have manage to keep their stories running with just one alliterative device, but I prefer using variety when I write, to draw a focus on different things.
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Incredible! Speechless! What a fun trip this was! So glad the fellas came along!!
Winner!!!!
Thanks for the memories! I want to do this again soon! LoL! xoxo
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Incredible! Speechless! What a fun trip this was! So glad the fellas came along!!
Winner!!!!
Thanks for the memories! I want to do this again soon! LoL! xoxo
Comment Written 27-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Thanks for this wonderful review. Which passenger were you? - Aunt Annabelle, Abigail, Amelia, or Adele? It's a pity we lost our luggage... oh, well, we'll just have to go on a shopping spree in Denver.
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Adele please! LoL! And of course, shopping is a must!! xoxo
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We obviously need new bras - the ones we were wearing on that train trip didn't offer much support with all that jiggling going on.
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Ha! I was going to comment giggly girls and jiggly jugs! Blahaha!!
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Oh I should have put that in! Classic!!
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That is too good not to use, so I have shamelessly stolen the 'jiggly jugs'.
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Yes!!!!!! So awesome!!!! xoxo
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I'm loving the alliteration throughout! Your story of these adventures on the train made me smile and I enjoyed your clever words, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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I'm loving the alliteration throughout! Your story of these adventures on the train made me smile and I enjoyed your clever words, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Did it make you want to go for a train trip? I've never been on an American train.
Comment from pbomar1115
I'm sure the trip was most enjoyable seeing all the beautiful landscapes while drinking, eating, and most importantly, socializing. Unfortunately, the luggage was lost.
Phillip
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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I'm sure the trip was most enjoyable seeing all the beautiful landscapes while drinking, eating, and most importantly, socializing. Unfortunately, the luggage was lost.
Phillip
Comment Written 27-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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I've never been on an American train - I hope they look after luggage better than in my story!
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Me, too.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
It's hard to come up with an interesting story and also to be able to keep it confined to 300 words. You manage to use as many alliterations as possible, but unfortunately, in my humble opinion, we lost the story.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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It's hard to come up with an interesting story and also to be able to keep it confined to 300 words. You manage to use as many alliterations as possible, but unfortunately, in my humble opinion, we lost the story.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Thanks for your review. The story was merely a trip on a train and what they were seeing. And they ate and drank and slept on the journey. Then they arrived. I guess being stuck on a train, looking at scenery is what you do, and eat and drink.
I see my error: I initiated this prompt with the view to having people write about "a form of travel", in my head meaning by car, or train, or plane... but I guess most people will be expecting to read a travel story, some exciting event at a location, not concentrating on the means of travel, the vehicle. I should have worded the prompt differently.
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You still have time to add some excitement in the story.
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I'd have to deconstruct too much to juggle word count. And my time is spoken for over the next day or so.
