St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "St. Louis Chapter 11 part 2"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
19 total reviews
Comment from rtobaygo
Good afternoon, Barbara
Enjoyed there continuation. The dialogue really pushed the story forward, opening up different avenues,different questions regarding why Megan was murdered. Loved McKenzie's question the end of the chapter.
Two observations
Frowning (,) Logan hesitated.
Nobody's mentioned (a?) Sidney
Take care and stays safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Good afternoon, Barbara
Enjoyed there continuation. The dialogue really pushed the story forward, opening up different avenues,different questions regarding why Megan was murdered. Loved McKenzie's question the end of the chapter.
Two observations
Frowning (,) Logan hesitated.
Nobody's mentioned (a?) Sidney
Take care and stays safe,
Ray
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review and help.
Comment from Sylvia Page
Nothing much came off their visit to Megan's house. Wonder what will the autopsy report show... Looking forward to the next chapter.
A few spag...
Logan put the key in door's lock.
"I'd like too.. I need to check with Jose and see if he's free Monday night."
Pulling into a parking slot in from of McKenzie's townhouse
"Why? I'm capable opening a car door. It's not hard."
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Nothing much came off their visit to Megan's house. Wonder what will the autopsy report show... Looking forward to the next chapter.
A few spag...
Logan put the key in
"I'd like too.
Pulling into a parking slot in from
"Why? I'm capable
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Thank you. I will get those areas squared away.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Great ending, my friend, and so very true. I am so glad there are dogs in this one as there always are. I'll tell Katie Jo who is busily working on a story to post~Debbie
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Great ending, my friend, and so very true. I am so glad there are dogs in this one as there always are. I'll tell Katie Jo who is busily working on a story to post~Debbie
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Thank you. I'm sure Katie Jo's story will be great.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
Nice chapter. I think I like the relationship between these two. They stay busy, busy, though. I'd love to see them be able to just relax for a minute and watch TV or something. *smile* (I know, I know.)
Notes:
1.) Logan put the key in (the) door's lock. "They are, but it frustrated me at the time."
2.) McKenzie waited for Logan to push the door open(. W)hen he hesitated, she said, "Maybe you should wait here. I won't be long."
3.) "I don't know. It's still sealed. I haven't seen the autopsy report yet.(")
4.) "I'd like (to). I need to check with Jose and see if he's free Monday night."
5.) Pulling into a parking slot in (front) of McKenzie's townhouse, Logan
6.) "Why? I'm capable (of) opening a car door. It's not hard."
7.) "Sure do." She petted the two dogs and let them out the back door."
--> no qmark at the end
Thanks!
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Barbara,
Nice chapter. I think I like the relationship between these two. They stay busy, busy, though. I'd love to see them be able to just relax for a minute and watch TV or something. *smile* (I know, I know.)
Notes:
1.) Logan put the key in (the) door's lock. "They are, but it frustrated me at the time."
2.) McKenzie waited for Logan to push the door open(. W)hen he hesitated, she said, "Maybe you should wait here. I won't be long."
3.) "I don't know. It's still sealed. I haven't seen the autopsy report yet.(")
4.) "I'd like (to). I need to check with Jose and see if he's free Monday night."
5.) Pulling into a parking slot in (front) of McKenzie's townhouse, Logan
6.) "Why? I'm capable (of) opening a car door. It's not hard."
7.) "Sure do." She petted the two dogs and let them out the back door."
--> no qmark at the end
Thanks!
Comment Written 27-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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I have made the numerous corrections. I don't understand. None of them was anything that I didn't know to do. I edited numerous times during the summer. I'm furious with myself. Thank you for the catches. I really do appreciate it.
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Barb. I know. Sometimes it seems like we just space out, doesn't it?? I HATE it when that happens. I've had times when someone sent me a correction and I was like -- no way.. No way I did that. Then I go check and yep - I did that. The most basic thing ever. hahaha
But, then, that's EXACTLY why we need each other, right? So glad I could help. Have a marvelous weekend and a happy Labor Day!
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Yes, that's why I post on FS so friends can help edit and let me know what is working and what is not working so I can fix it.
Comment from Mary Wakeford
This was engaging and though not having the benefit of having read previous chapters, I was fully engaged in the mystery from the get-go.
Your list of characters in Authors Notes was helpful and well described.
The line that struck me profoundly from the detective in calling out the victim's big brother:
After releasing a deep breath, she continued, "Did you ever think any of those women could be somebody's baby sister?"
He scratched his jaw. "I get your point." Turning his head toward an outside noise, he added, "I think your detail's arrived."
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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This was engaging and though not having the benefit of having read previous chapters, I was fully engaged in the mystery from the get-go.
Your list of characters in Authors Notes was helpful and well described.
The line that struck me profoundly from the detective in calling out the victim's big brother:
After releasing a deep breath, she continued, "Did you ever think any of those women could be somebody's baby sister?"
He scratched his jaw. "I get your point." Turning his head toward an outside noise, he added, "I think your detail's arrived."
Comment Written 27-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Nice turn of events here with some progress being made into the investigation without the relationship aspect suffering.
Logan put the key in door's lock.- in the door's.
Megan thought he was over protective.- overprotective could be a single word here.
"I don't know. It's still sealed. I haven't seen the autopsy report yet. - need closing speech marks here.
I'm going to the police station and find out why Megan's apartment search wasn't in the report this doesn't read quite right. Maybe I'll go to rather than I'm going to.
"I'd like too. I need to check with Jose - just like to.
Pulling into a parking slot in from of McKenzie's townhouse,- in front?
"Sure do." She petted the two dogs and let them out the back door."- remove the speech marks from the end here.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Nice turn of events here with some progress being made into the investigation without the relationship aspect suffering.
Logan put the key in door's lock.- in the door's.
Megan thought he was over protective.- overprotective could be a single word here.
"I don't know. It's still sealed. I haven't seen the autopsy report yet. - need closing speech marks here.
I'm going to the police station and find out why Megan's apartment search wasn't in the report this doesn't read quite right. Maybe I'll go to rather than I'm going to.
"I'd like too. I need to check with Jose - just like to.
Pulling into a parking slot in from of McKenzie's townhouse,- in front?
"Sure do." She petted the two dogs and let them out the back door."- remove the speech marks from the end here.
All the best
G
Comment Written 27-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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I have made the numerous corrections. I don't understand. None of them was anything that I didn't know to do. I edited numerous times during the summer. I'm furious with myself. Thank you for the catches. I really do appreciate it.
Comment from Mistydawn
Your artwork is why I clicked on your story. I thought using a pregnancy test as art, hmm it's got to be interesting and it was. It's very well-written, and although this is the first chapter I read I could easily identify with the characters, picture what's going on. Good luck with your kiddos.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Your artwork is why I clicked on your story. I thought using a pregnancy test as art, hmm it's got to be interesting and it was. It's very well-written, and although this is the first chapter I read I could easily identify with the characters, picture what's going on. Good luck with your kiddos.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Hmm, that was a turn up for the books! I wonder who the father was, and if he was the one who killed her. Perhaps he was already married. This has certainly opened up the mystery, and what is being hidden from them? Lots of questions wanting lots of answers. Well done, Barbara. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Hmm, that was a turn up for the books! I wonder who the father was, and if he was the one who killed her. Perhaps he was already married. This has certainly opened up the mystery, and what is being hidden from them? Lots of questions wanting lots of answers. Well done, Barbara. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 27-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Barbara, another good installment of the story. Looks like things will start to heat up soon. Feels like I'm watching soap opera or a show when everybody knows the characters are going to end up together and you are just saying to yourself....."kiss already". lol Good job!
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Hello Barbara, another good installment of the story. Looks like things will start to heat up soon. Feels like I'm watching soap opera or a show when everybody knows the characters are going to end up together and you are just saying to yourself....."kiss already". lol Good job!
Comment Written 27-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. If they kiss, then the story is over and we haven't solved the murder, yet.
Comment from Dawn Munro
"I have a feeling growing up you spent a lot of time waiting for your mom to find things in a drawer." Barbara, this is the type of dialogue that makes your story so authentic, your characters so rich!
"To be honest(,) this is only..."
"You knew her better than I (do?)" If Mac never met her, I would find a different way of saying this... If she DID know her, then the word would be past tense = "did".
typo -- "I'd like to." (not 'too')
"...doesn't change who she (was)." Verb tense error.
What a great story, Barbara!
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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"I have a feeling growing up you spent a lot of time waiting for your mom to find things in a drawer." Barbara, this is the type of dialogue that makes your story so authentic, your characters so rich!
"To be honest(,) this is only..."
"You knew her better than I (do?)" If Mac never met her, I would find a different way of saying this... If she DID know her, then the word would be past tense = "did".
typo -- "I'd like to." (not 'too')
"...doesn't change who she (was)." Verb tense error.
What a great story, Barbara!
Comment Written 27-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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I have made the numerous corrections. I don't understand. None of them was anything that I didn't know to do. I edited numerous times during the summer. I'm furious with myself. Thank you for the catches. I really do appreciate it.
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Sorry -- I am behind (as usual), but I have a very bad cold -- the pc light is even bothering my eyes.
