Sink or Swim
A spark back to life after a family death29 total reviews
Comment from John Garvey
I liked this because, in addition to being well-written overall, it came across as very honest. I respect writers who can talk about vulnerable subjects without embellishing, which you did here.
On a minor note, you forgot to enclose your friend's message in quotation marks. That's a significant moment, so it might merit its own paragraph or at least italics to set it apart. On an even more minor note, you have the phrase "my writing" twice in the same sentence. I only point it out because we all overlook little redundancies like that now and then.
I was a bit hungry for some additional descriptive or biographical details about your brother. Maybe something trivial like the way he laughs or a hobby in addition to his style of dress.
I'm glad you're writing again!
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2019
  |
I liked this because, in addition to being well-written overall, it came across as very honest. I respect writers who can talk about vulnerable subjects without embellishing, which you did here.
On a minor note, you forgot to enclose your friend's message in quotation marks. That's a significant moment, so it might merit its own paragraph or at least italics to set it apart. On an even more minor note, you have the phrase "my writing" twice in the same sentence. I only point it out because we all overlook little redundancies like that now and then.
I was a bit hungry for some additional descriptive or biographical details about your brother. Maybe something trivial like the way he laughs or a hobby in addition to his style of dress.
I'm glad you're writing again!
Comment Written 19-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2019
-
Thanks for reading, John. I'll read the piece again to find the problems you pointed out and see if I can change it.
Phillip
Comment from tfawcus
An intensely personal and moving piece of writing. Family relationships can be hard and it sometimes takes a long time to readjust after the passing of a parent. I'm not sure if I've read any of your work before, but if this is a fair sample, then I'm looking forward to reading more of it in the future. All good wishes, Tony
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2019
|
An intensely personal and moving piece of writing. Family relationships can be hard and it sometimes takes a long time to readjust after the passing of a parent. I'm not sure if I've read any of your work before, but if this is a fair sample, then I'm looking forward to reading more of it in the future. All good wishes, Tony
Comment Written 24-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2019
-
Thanks for reading, Tony.
Phillip
Comment from PteGIJane
First, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mother. When we lose a parent sometimes it changes your role or the whole dynamics in a family. It can bring you together or draw siblings apart. Every one's grieving process has it's own healing journey. Don't judge yourself harshly or put a time frame on your grieve. I am delighted that a friend nudged you back into writing. I've always found writing to be cathartic. Thanks for sharing your story.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
|
First, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mother. When we lose a parent sometimes it changes your role or the whole dynamics in a family. It can bring you together or draw siblings apart. Every one's grieving process has it's own healing journey. Don't judge yourself harshly or put a time frame on your grieve. I am delighted that a friend nudged you back into writing. I've always found writing to be cathartic. Thanks for sharing your story.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
-
I see you have a real understanding of my situation. Thanks for your mature words.
Phillip
Comment from Gail Denham
I'm glad that your friends on Fanstory have been helpful to you during this time of confusion, perhaps anger and being in a terrible funk. I hope you'll continue writing.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
|
I'm glad that your friends on Fanstory have been helpful to you during this time of confusion, perhaps anger and being in a terrible funk. I hope you'll continue writing.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
-
It's luck. To have a person to help in times of darkness is priceless. While I don't attend church, I do believe in people who mean well. It's just luck for me.
Phillip
-
I hope you find further peace and help - going it alone is tough. My help does come from God, definitely - and I trust Him to help me. Blessings Sir.
-
I true, Good, too. Always have.
Phillip
Comment from Brenda Henderson
Sometimes when life shoots us a curve that we have not quite anticipated it can be challenging to navigate the myriad of thoughts and feelings that ensue. I'm glad you took the plunge and are writing again. Keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
|
Sometimes when life shoots us a curve that we have not quite anticipated it can be challenging to navigate the myriad of thoughts and feelings that ensue. I'm glad you took the plunge and are writing again. Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
-
Thanks a lot, Brenda.
Phillip
-
You're welcome!
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Writers often use fiction to depict their internal battles and scars. It takes courage to write about one's self. You not only wrote about a difficult situation but you wrote it very well. Very nicely done. Robert
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
|
Writers often use fiction to depict their internal battles and scars. It takes courage to write about one's self. You not only wrote about a difficult situation but you wrote it very well. Very nicely done. Robert
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
-
Thanks for reading. I appreciate your words.
Phillip
-
You're welcome!
Comment from Susan Larson
So sorry for the loss of your mother and the loss of your brother. I, too, had three sons, but lost two of them. My husband and surviving son have reacted and responded in different ways, but at least understand we each grieve in our own way. I am glad to see that you are getting back to writing. This is an excellent piece. My only suggestion is that you change "My mother laying" to "My mother lying."
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
|
So sorry for the loss of your mother and the loss of your brother. I, too, had three sons, but lost two of them. My husband and surviving son have reacted and responded in different ways, but at least understand we each grieve in our own way. I am glad to see that you are getting back to writing. This is an excellent piece. My only suggestion is that you change "My mother laying" to "My mother lying."
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
-
Thanks for the correction, and reading the piece, Susan.
Phillip
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Phillip. This is a very personal write from you which allows the reader into your thoughts and the complexity of your emotions and family life. We never know how we will react when a loved one passes, even though it's expected. Your piece is well described and insightful. Marilyn
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
|
Hi Phillip. This is a very personal write from you which allows the reader into your thoughts and the complexity of your emotions and family life. We never know how we will react when a loved one passes, even though it's expected. Your piece is well described and insightful. Marilyn
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
-
Thanks, Marilyn. I'm pleased you liked it.
Phillip
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
That's what true friends do--tell you like it is. I'm sorry for your loss and the years apart from your brother. You did a great job expressing your thoughts and feelings. I believe writing will help you reconnect with many friends and your wayward feelings. Take care. Jan
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
|
That's what true friends do--tell you like it is. I'm sorry for your loss and the years apart from your brother. You did a great job expressing your thoughts and feelings. I believe writing will help you reconnect with many friends and your wayward feelings. Take care. Jan
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
-
Thanks for reading, Jan,
Phillip
Comment from Sankey
Hi, again. Here I am from the other side. I thought you had been through and corrected my suggestions from the other side but not sure. Have a look through again and compare with the errors I pointed out from Tootsie55 side. Here is one miss...backyard of one of my mother('s) sister's house OR backyard of one of my mother('s) sister's house...OR was she your Aunt? Perhaps (my Aunt's house?) -Found another one I missed before...country(.)â??[.] Period inside expression marks. Not an error but does the following mean perhaps "broaden" as in more inclusive of more of your family to you? ..."to the family to widen." Nothing wrong just clarifying. As I said before a good read and thanks for sharing. Keep in touch ya hea!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
 |
Hi, again. Here I am from the other side. I thought you had been through and corrected my suggestions from the other side but not sure. Have a look through again and compare with the errors I pointed out from Tootsie55 side. Here is one miss...backyard of one of my mother('s) sister's house OR backyard of one of my mother('s) sister's house...OR was she your Aunt? Perhaps (my Aunt's house?) -Found another one I missed before...country(.)â??[.] Period inside expression marks. Not an error but does the following mean perhaps "broaden" as in more inclusive of more of your family to you? ..."to the family to widen." Nothing wrong just clarifying. As I said before a good read and thanks for sharing. Keep in touch ya hea!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
-
I thought I made the corrections. Can you please point out what I missed, please?
-
I will come back after lunch friend ok.
-
Ok.
