St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "St. Louis Chapter 11 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
23 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
Another good and solid instalment. I get that's it's about the romance but be careful of not moving the backend plot along at the right pace too. It's what's holding them together at this point, not the romance.
If you see what I mean.
Logan continued toward his parent's house. - parent's.
"Why don't you go in and get the key. I'll wait out here." - possibly a question mark in here.
Logan's eyes met McKenzie. - McKenzie's?
Good byes were said, - Goodbyes could be a single word here.
Nancy watched them. "Peter, aren't they a cute couple." - possibly a question mark in here.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2019
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Hi Barbara,
Another good and solid instalment. I get that's it's about the romance but be careful of not moving the backend plot along at the right pace too. It's what's holding them together at this point, not the romance.
If you see what I mean.
Logan continued toward his parent's house. - parent's.
"Why don't you go in and get the key. I'll wait out here." - possibly a question mark in here.
Logan's eyes met McKenzie. - McKenzie's?
Good byes were said, - Goodbyes could be a single word here.
Nancy watched them. "Peter, aren't they a cute couple." - possibly a question mark in here.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2019
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I do understand what you mean. I am walking a tight line. LOL I can't believe I missed so many question marks. Thank you for the catches.
Comment from Sylvia Page
Whatever the couple think they are not, it is plain that they are sneakily aware that they are attracted to each other even though they deny it at every turn. This was nicely written and the story flowed very well.
Looking forward to seeing what is next.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2019
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Whatever the couple think they are not, it is plain that they are sneakily aware that they are attracted to each other even though they deny it at every turn. This was nicely written and the story flowed very well.
Looking forward to seeing what is next.
Sylvia
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dawn Munro
needs an "s" on "belongings"
Right, Nancy, they are a cute couple. I have to say, though, that if I were Logan I might have given up on Mac already -- she comes close to being insulting! (LOL)
Fun chapter, Barbara. Realistic dialogue, and good plot planning too. (the cell phone, the purse mentioned)
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2019
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needs an "s" on "belongings"
Right, Nancy, they are a cute couple. I have to say, though, that if I were Logan I might have given up on Mac already -- she comes close to being insulting! (LOL)
Fun chapter, Barbara. Realistic dialogue, and good plot planning too. (the cell phone, the purse mentioned)
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I think Logan really likes strong women. LOL
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LOL. You're welcome.
Comment from Mackenzie Cooper
I loved reading this chapter of your story! I have the same name as the main character, so it was very engaging to read. I have always liked watching and reading about two characters that secretly like each other but neither will admit it. I look forward to reading more of this story!!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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I loved reading this chapter of your story! I have the same name as the main character, so it was very engaging to read. I have always liked watching and reading about two characters that secretly like each other but neither will admit it. I look forward to reading more of this story!!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
It sure does seem like their a couple, whether they like it or not. Things are happening and they can fight it if they want to - though I get the sense they don't really want to. haha
Good chap! Thanks!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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Barbara,
It sure does seem like their a couple, whether they like it or not. Things are happening and they can fight it if they want to - though I get the sense they don't really want to. haha
Good chap! Thanks!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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HA HA, I'm guessing they figure if they fight they don't really like each other. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from susand3022
Oh... that sneaky little hand-grab... hahahahaha... that will get you every time! What a fun way to end the chapter, Barbara... I loved that little bit. It added that touch of playfulness that balances everything out. Well done! :)
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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Oh... that sneaky little hand-grab... hahahahaha... that will get you every time! What a fun way to end the chapter, Barbara... I loved that little bit. It added that touch of playfulness that balances everything out. Well done! :)
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, so they were caught holding hands. How sweet is that? The story is moving along at a nice pace and I'm enjoying the story line. Looking out for more while I'm away on a big trip. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Hi Barbara, so they were caught holding hands. How sweet is that? The story is moving along at a nice pace and I'm enjoying the story line. Looking out for more while I'm away on a big trip. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Have fun on your trip. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from light
Holding hands! That's telling. I do hope they find something interesting at the apartment. Still holding my interest. Another great chapter.
Elaine
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Holding hands! That's telling. I do hope they find something interesting at the apartment. Still holding my interest. Another great chapter.
Elaine
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from barkingdog
Silly side is fine with me ... anytime. :)
I loved the push and pull between the couple ... especially at the end where they were holding hands and then let go. The developing connection is showing.
No corrections noted. Excellent running dialogue and scene development.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Silly side is fine with me ... anytime. :)
I loved the push and pull between the couple ... especially at the end where they were holding hands and then let go. The developing connection is showing.
No corrections noted. Excellent running dialogue and scene development.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from the13thpoet
Happy Monday to you Barbara, I enjoyed this continuation to the story. I don't know why those two just go on ahead and make it official. Clearly everyone sees it but them. Good job, can't wait to continue reading.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Happy Monday to you Barbara, I enjoyed this continuation to the story. I don't know why those two just go on ahead and make it official. Clearly everyone sees it but them. Good job, can't wait to continue reading.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. Part of the problem is that Logan will leave in 30 days.
