This Old House
The love one holds in the heart never fades away.9 total reviews
Comment from Six-Star Writer
Sorry, but I can't envision a house "cradling" anyone in its arms. Also, "cradled you in its loving arms" is a very cliche concept.
When you define "expressions" of the house's "beauty," you list flowers and bird songs. But the house itself didn't grow flowers, or sing bird songs, so these terms don't really express the house's beauty. They may have been equated with items that surrounded the house, but would not have been a component of the house itself. People often get caught up in the pretty sound of words without adhering to logical statements.
"This house is not a home without you" is another cliche statement used in songs, poems, and stories.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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Sorry, but I can't envision a house "cradling" anyone in its arms. Also, "cradled you in its loving arms" is a very cliche concept.
When you define "expressions" of the house's "beauty," you list flowers and bird songs. But the house itself didn't grow flowers, or sing bird songs, so these terms don't really express the house's beauty. They may have been equated with items that surrounded the house, but would not have been a component of the house itself. People often get caught up in the pretty sound of words without adhering to logical statements.
"This house is not a home without you" is another cliche statement used in songs, poems, and stories.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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A cliche is a saying. What if? This Old House is a metaphor for This Old Man or This Old Lady? Flowers for children, songs for the love we shared. I write for feeling not for logic. Sorry you didn't understand it. :)
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I understood the message you were trying to convey, but the logic was flawed. You shouldn't take constructive criticism so personal. The goal here is to improve your writing. And cliches don't improve--or personalize--your writing. They simply mimic what other people have written. What's the point in doing that? Emotional impact can be even more compelling when writers strive to write something new--or at least write something in a new way.
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I appreciate what you wrote and I understand what you say. the only thing is that is what came out within the frame I time. Didn't take it personally and will try to improve. :) Thanks.
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I will also try to improve. I try my best to communicate with people, but I keep failing miserably. Sometimes, I think I should stop communicating with people period.
Comment from misscookie
Wonders will never cease As I look at the photo of a once beautiful house now it's only the shell of the house,
God's flowers would be reborn again and again to let those passing by this house was a home with love.
Thank you for sharing
cookie
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Wonders will never cease As I look at the photo of a once beautiful house now it's only the shell of the house,
God's flowers would be reborn again and again to let those passing by this house was a home with love.
Thank you for sharing
cookie
Comment Written 15-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Thank you misscookie for the sweetness of your reply. :)
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Your very welcome, have a safe and blessed week-end
cookie
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Hi, the content on this is great. It evokes definite feeling. I wanted to point out that it is missing 2 lines. There is supposed to be 13 lines in a trimeric. You are so close, though! And you have almost 2 days to tweak it a little to fit the form. It is almost there!
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Hi, the content on this is great. It evokes definite feeling. I wanted to point out that it is missing 2 lines. There is supposed to be 13 lines in a trimeric. You are so close, though! And you have almost 2 days to tweak it a little to fit the form. It is almost there!
Comment Written 14-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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CrystieCookie999 if I had you in front of me I would kiss you! Probably get slapped too. :) I had this poem out there for a while and people reviewed it, but no one comment that it was missing two lines! I wonder if they also wrote one? :) Thank you Crystie. I owe you one.
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Oh, I was reviewing everyone's entries to make sure they followed the form, and believe it or not, someone corrected me on mine, too, because I had accidentally put one line out of order from copying it over from my longhand notebook. This is good practice for me, for whenever I ever end up teaching middle school, or wherever I end up :)
Comment from Sandra Ludwick
Thank you for sharing your thoughts through your poetry. This one sounds like it might be personal to you. I enjoyed reading it very much. I also appreciated the picture you selected.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts through your poetry. This one sounds like it might be personal to you. I enjoyed reading it very much. I also appreciated the picture you selected.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Sandra, to tell you the truth "This Old House" is just another way of saying "This Old Man." Though I'm don't stand alone, I'm a poet and that's what came out. :)
Comment from Patty Palmer
This home cradled you. I like that. That and the rest of the poem! I like the picture of the house. It looks like t might have been nice place to grow up! "Keep right on writing!"
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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This home cradled you. I like that. That and the rest of the poem! I like the picture of the house. It looks like t might have been nice place to grow up! "Keep right on writing!"
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Thank you Patty. I'm glad you like it. :)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
You remember how loved ones of this old house offered you love, care, affection and happiness you could never forget and express; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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You remember how loved ones of this old house offered you love, care, affection and happiness you could never forget and express; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Thank you Al. Glad you liked it. :)
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
The house has taken on a life of its own through your carefully chosen phrasing and personal affection. The photo is just lovely and complements this delicate and subtle piece of writing.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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The house has taken on a life of its own through your carefully chosen phrasing and personal affection. The photo is just lovely and complements this delicate and subtle piece of writing.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. :) This house could be this "man."
Comment from moongirlwriter
I do so love this prompt. . .it's kind of like a poem comes full circle. This is well written and touches my heart. . .I just kind of think houses give us the love back when it feels you have given it love.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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I do so love this prompt. . .it's kind of like a poem comes full circle. This is well written and touches my heart. . .I just kind of think houses give us the love back when it feels you have given it love.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Thank you moongirlwriter. The one who gives love hopes to get the love back. Glad you liked it.
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:)
Comment from Agate Lucas
Very tender and evocative! It immediately makes one think of a childhood and cherished house, well done! I think it's a typo, but shouldn't it be "now stand alone" considering the subject is "the expressions of its beauty"? Good luck for the contest!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Very tender and evocative! It immediately makes one think of a childhood and cherished house, well done! I think it's a typo, but shouldn't it be "now stand alone" considering the subject is "the expressions of its beauty"? Good luck for the contest!
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Thank you Agate. I'm glad you liked "This Old House" yet, the typo was that. I meant, "This Old Man." :)
