Reviews from

What The Blind Girl Saw

Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "What The Blind Girl Saw #20"
Murder mystery with many twists and turns.

32 total reviews 
Comment from Contests

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review.

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
    Thank you so much, dear committee. I am so appreciative of the nomination and seven star review of What The Blind Girl Saw #20. This honor has overwhelmed me.
    Thank you all, again.
    Sally Law
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Such a great story. Seems full of mystery, too. I'll turn to chapter 21; will read what you wrote, also. Also, I'm going to read your prior chapters; from the very beginning. Love your writing.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
    Thank you again, Rosemary. I?m thrilled you like my crime series and story within a story. It means so much.
    Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally xo
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I like the line: "I longed for my tub of holy scrub." I feel that time too. I often say after listening to something horrendous or being in the presence of someone with dark energy. I wish I could take a shower right now. I like how you leave the reader in suspense quite regularly. You are using sensory imagery to your advantage.the sounds, tastes, smells help to create the setting which molds the plot which frees the characters to behave in line with everything surrounding them. You have created an intriguing mystery which morphs into a very poignant story. The history you are able to provide without boredom id excellent. I have to give you A+

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
    Thank you so much for the outstanding review and kind compliments, dear Liz. I am deeply honored. I am near blind in real life with just a small bit of remaining eyesight. I wrote myself into this one as the main character. I love coffee and the tub of holy scrub, too, and you will see this throughout my short story series. The blue link at the bottom of the page connects them all chapter by chapter. I hope you can catch up. I plan to publish by the end of the year, hopefully . . . .
    Sending you my best today as always, Liz.
    Sally xo
Comment from Gail Denham
Excellent
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Nicely done chapter - so glad you use lots of dialog - I just went by a few stories that used none - and in a fiction story, there needs to be dialog, or (for me) it doesn't real well.
Good story.

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2019


reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
    Thank you, Gail. I appreciate the excellent review and kind words. It is always so appreciated and needed. Sending you my best today as always,
    Sal xo
Comment from Sylvia Page
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hello Sally,
This is indeed surprising news, to find documentation to prove that Sally Jeanne-Marie Law is, in fact, a niece of Andre's. Little wonder Andre had the confidence to write everything in her name.
Very well written.
Best wishes
Sylvia

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2019


reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
    Thank you, dear Sylvia. I am deeply honored by the outstanding review and six star rating. It means so much to me that you are enjoying my short story series.
    Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally xo
Comment from Lance Loria
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The uncle/niece relationship surprise was very well done. The continuing back story during WWII adds depth and perspective. I'm impressed that the dual story never confuses me (and I can be easily confused). No edits or adjustments. Congrats on the #22 all time best rating.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2019


reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
    Thank you very much, Lance. I am glad you enjoyed my recent chapter and the story within a story. I especially love history and WWII has always been an area of study. It nice to let it out in the novella. I appreciate the excellent review and kind encouragement.
    Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally :+)
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Excellent
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When there is war at your footsteps is hard to access services in civilian hospitals. But your hero encounters a good angel that facilitates the treatment of the child. You're constant flipping between present and past, is fascinating. I can't wait to read the next chapter

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2019


reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
    Thank you very much for the excellent review, dear Iza. It is so appreciated. Sending you my best today as well,
    Sally :+)
Comment from Mastery
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Sal. Lots of good imagery in this one like, "David von Gil left the cave as promised and motored down the muddied hillside, waving his tweed cap as he disappeared into the noonday sun." (We can see that tweed cap.)

And here: "The approaching sunset filled the sky, setting the clouds in a golden glow. Maman noticed the radio mounted on the truck dashboard as she reached to pull down the visor."


I liked this chapter but would have liked less "telling" and more "showing" in the beginning to be honest. Like here for instance:

"Detective Mike Lembowsky caught me by the arm and asked for a word. He offered us dinner; we accepted, with King licking our police escort in hearty gratitude. I resolved then my bath would have to wait." (dialogue and actions would have worked nicely here.)

And here:

"But the hardest thing for David was leaving his wife, little Andre, and his young friend in the cavernous hiding place. He knew he was doing the right thing, though wiping away tears as he drove."

Sal, I know sometimes it seems like we should not get too "talky" and it is far easier to shortcut to simple statements as you did here, however, "showing" is what MAKES a story REAL. I don't know how else to explain it, Sal. It's something you will just suddenly get a knack for and when you do, you will yell EUREKA!

LOL Good luck with this, my friend. Bob


Looks like I got here too late. No promo on this and it holds at 2 cents. LOL this is not the most important thing of course but next time please let me know a bit earlier. (smile)

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2019


reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
    Thank you so much Bob. I?m sorry the promotion ran out and so did my power. I?m visiting relatives and a horrible storm knocked out the power for hours. I will make it up to you. I appreciate the excellent review and great input. It is so appreciated.
    Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally :+))
reply by Mastery on 15-Aug-2019
    Never be concerned. I should not have even mentioned it. : ) Bob
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
    A true friend. Thank you. You are worth so much more than two cents that?s for sure! LOL!
reply by Mastery on 15-Aug-2019
    Smile you...: ) Bob
Comment from Kathleen Washnis
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I finally got around to reading this new entry into your series and you write so well with how you describe scenes as you can feel for each character what they are experiencing or expressing. What a surprise you gave us all that Andre is her uncle! I'm not sure if I missed something in my absence so I may need to back track on your writings if so. Keep up the great work Sally!

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2019


reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
    I am tickled pink to see your name with this review today, thank you! I am deeply honored and blessed to see that they have caught up and if not, click onto the blue link at the bottom of each chapter which connects them all. You?re a huge blessing to me and I appreciate you so much.
    Sending you my best today as always, dear Kathleen,
    Sally xoxo
reply by Kathleen Washnis on 15-Aug-2019
    My pleasure Sally, as always! : )
Comment from Tpa
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The story is very interesting. The paragraphs are short, enjoyed the tone of your chapter with its good dialogue, must go to your first chapter for better understanding. good work

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2019


reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
    Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind compliments. I?m so glad you?re turning into my mini novella told us a short story series. Click onto the blue link at the bottom of each page that connects the chapters so that you may catch up if you like.
    Sending you my best today as always with kind regards,
    Sally :+)