Monica
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Monica Chapter 2"A woman becomes fixated on Rob
13 total reviews
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Rox,
Wow! Murder in the second chapter and a chilling character portrayal as well.
The scene has well and truly been set and my interest ignited.
Blessings
Shirley
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2019
  |
Hi Rox,
Wow! Murder in the second chapter and a chilling character portrayal as well.
The scene has well and truly been set and my interest ignited.
Blessings
Shirley
Comment Written 09-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2019
-
Thank you. Rox
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This lady is definitely a man-killer. I noticed "coup" should be coupe. Five whole gallons of gas, wow. But then I remembered Montana is a big state to drive in, same as California on long distances. I liked the description of the night sky. I am already hoping Monica gets her just desserts. Not sure what they will be. Have to read next chapter.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
|
This lady is definitely a man-killer. I noticed "coup" should be coupe. Five whole gallons of gas, wow. But then I remembered Montana is a big state to drive in, same as California on long distances. I liked the description of the night sky. I am already hoping Monica gets her just desserts. Not sure what they will be. Have to read next chapter.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
-
Thanks so much. I thought I had fixed coupe. Hum. Thanks much dear.
Comment from JudyE
You've created quite a character with this Monica.
I picked up a few points:
The sun had been down for hours before Monica finely finished her shopping spree - spelling - finally
He'd never do it, he wasn't cut out to be a murder - period after 'it' and spelling 'murderer'
"What are you doing here Monica? - comma after 'here'
Who's life do you plan to destroy this time? - should be 'whose'
"I won't let you ruin someone else, Monica. Even if I have to hire a team of private detectives to follow your every move." I'd make this one sentence with a comma after 'Monica'
He knew as many people as his daughter tended to enrage, she might need it one day. - I would have written this as 'He knew that, as his daughter tended to enrage many people, she might need it one day.
He saw the muzzel flash. - spelling 'muzzle' - and maybe 'he saw the flash from the muzzle'.
His unseeing eyes stared up at the star-filled night sky, it's beauty wasted on him now. - should be 'its'
She decided to chance driving the coup into the grove, - should it be 'coupe'?
There was a downward slope and she watched as the car accelerated, narrowly missing her foot and smashed into a tree. - comma after 'foot'
Pulling the body into a sitting position she leaned it against the open driver 's side door. - delete space after 'driver'
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
|
You've created quite a character with this Monica.
I picked up a few points:
The sun had been down for hours before Monica finely finished her shopping spree - spelling - finally
He'd never do it, he wasn't cut out to be a murder - period after 'it' and spelling 'murderer'
"What are you doing here Monica? - comma after 'here'
Who's life do you plan to destroy this time? - should be 'whose'
"I won't let you ruin someone else, Monica. Even if I have to hire a team of private detectives to follow your every move." I'd make this one sentence with a comma after 'Monica'
He knew as many people as his daughter tended to enrage, she might need it one day. - I would have written this as 'He knew that, as his daughter tended to enrage many people, she might need it one day.
He saw the muzzel flash. - spelling 'muzzle' - and maybe 'he saw the flash from the muzzle'.
His unseeing eyes stared up at the star-filled night sky, it's beauty wasted on him now. - should be 'its'
She decided to chance driving the coup into the grove, - should it be 'coupe'?
There was a downward slope and she watched as the car accelerated, narrowly missing her foot and smashed into a tree. - comma after 'foot'
Pulling the body into a sitting position she leaned it against the open driver 's side door. - delete space after 'driver'
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
-
Thanks for all the help. =} Rox
Comment from Darlene BoClair
I won't be editing your second chapter, especially since you'll be using the grammarly program. Monica is surely high maintenance and a beast.
I will follow this story. I like the excitement, and the characters.
I will continue to read on.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
|
I won't be editing your second chapter, especially since you'll be using the grammarly program. Monica is surely high maintenance and a beast.
I will follow this story. I like the excitement, and the characters.
I will continue to read on.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
-
She'll get crazier I'm sure. =} Thank you. Rox
Comment from susand3022
Hey Rox... this girl is seriously one sicko chickie!!! I guess either daddy is the head of the mob and is really proud of his little cookie cutter or he's totally out to lunch and in pure denial. I found one error in this chapter... seems to be your quota this far... (I'll get to chapter one next... lol)
Third paragraph, second line... "living (in) a town"
I can tell already that this is going to be a really good one. I really love the way you think! :) :)
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
|
Hey Rox... this girl is seriously one sicko chickie!!! I guess either daddy is the head of the mob and is really proud of his little cookie cutter or he's totally out to lunch and in pure denial. I found one error in this chapter... seems to be your quota this far... (I'll get to chapter one next... lol)
Third paragraph, second line... "living (in) a town"
I can tell already that this is going to be a really good one. I really love the way you think! :) :)
Comment Written 03-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
-
She is a sicko. =} Thanks for the helps and the great review. Rox
Comment from Gail Denham
I wasn't watching for grammatical errors - too consumed with the story and it's intriguing. What on earth was this woman - sounds as she's totally unhinged.
Good story telling
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
|
I wasn't watching for grammatical errors - too consumed with the story and it's intriguing. What on earth was this woman - sounds as she's totally unhinged.
Good story telling
Comment Written 02-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
-
Thank you, Rox
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Oh, geez! Poor William! He sure didn't get much play in this story, but I have feeling his name will surface again down the road. Monica certainly thinks she's above the law! I couldn't see any errors first time through because the story itself is so captivating! I'm loving this story even more than the first! xoxo
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
|
Oh, geez! Poor William! He sure didn't get much play in this story, but I have feeling his name will surface again down the road. Monica certainly thinks she's above the law! I couldn't see any errors first time through because the story itself is so captivating! I'm loving this story even more than the first! xoxo
Comment Written 02-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
-
No, poor William. He got mixed up the wrong person by no fault of his own. =[ She's just crazy. Thanks so much. Rox
Comment from royowen
So, William was right, she had come to Bigsky to ruin someone's life, but she killed him before he could warn anyone. But the unfounded bullet could be a problem, when the combed the area. Most imaginative Rox, you've done a great job of styling this to shape a great narrative, with characters to match, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
|
So, William was right, she had come to Bigsky to ruin someone's life, but she killed him before he could warn anyone. But the unfounded bullet could be a problem, when the combed the area. Most imaginative Rox, you've done a great job of styling this to shape a great narrative, with characters to match, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
-
Thanks so much Roy.
-
Welcome Rox
Comment from Mistydawn
She is one twisted lady that's for sure. I feel sorry for whoever runs into her, who she digs her claws in to. It's very well-written, interesting of course no surprise there. There were a couple of parts that kind of threw me. Maybe it's just me, I don't know.
She realized now she'd never be able to get him in his car. Starting his car, she drove it over the shoulder into the empty field that bordered the highway. Then you backtrack to Monica hiding her car?
She didn't turn on her lights and used the glow cast by the fire to show the way. Making sure no cars were coming, she turned on her lights. The wording confused me. Again it might just be me.
Overall it's very well-written, interesting, intriguing look forward to seeing what this wackadoodle does next.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
|
She is one twisted lady that's for sure. I feel sorry for whoever runs into her, who she digs her claws in to. It's very well-written, interesting of course no surprise there. There were a couple of parts that kind of threw me. Maybe it's just me, I don't know.
She realized now she'd never be able to get him in his car. Starting his car, she drove it over the shoulder into the empty field that bordered the highway. Then you backtrack to Monica hiding her car?
She didn't turn on her lights and used the glow cast by the fire to show the way. Making sure no cars were coming, she turned on her lights. The wording confused me. Again it might just be me.
Overall it's very well-written, interesting, intriguing look forward to seeing what this wackadoodle does next.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
-
I reworded those parts so hopfully it will be less confusing now. Thanks so much dear. Rox
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Man proposes, God disposes, stupid William, Monica could not allow William to ruin her chances with Rob; she dreams of her dream come true; curious ending; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
|
Man proposes, God disposes, stupid William, Monica could not allow William to ruin her chances with Rob; she dreams of her dream come true; curious ending; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
-
Thank you. There is more to come. =}
