Shallow and Shameless
The headmaster's funeral.8 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I enjoyed your story about the VW, (I like those cars, it was my first one) I'm sure there are many students with headmasters like this one, would love to see that happen to theirs. Lol. The humour in the story gave it a fun feel even though it was around a funeral. I enjoyed it! Good luck in the contest. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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I enjoyed your story about the VW, (I like those cars, it was my first one) I'm sure there are many students with headmasters like this one, would love to see that happen to theirs. Lol. The humour in the story gave it a fun feel even though it was around a funeral. I enjoyed it! Good luck in the contest. Sandra xx
Comment Written 27-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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Veedubs are v. cool! That headmaster had it coming!
Comment from Edna Estrada
I really enjoyed the story. The picture it painted and the mystery of it was captivating. I though you wrapped it up neatly and completely for a short story. I would maybe just watch the comma usage. Good luck!
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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I really enjoyed the story. The picture it painted and the mystery of it was captivating. I though you wrapped it up neatly and completely for a short story. I would maybe just watch the comma usage. Good luck!
Comment Written 27-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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I am pleased you enjoyed this story. Thanks for your comment about the commas. I have had another look at my story and amended it slightly. Punctuation is very personal, I have found; some think it is intrusive, some think it paces the sentences better. I am older, so was brought up with teachers who stuck commas in everywhere you could draw breath.
Comment from damommy
This is certainly interesting. Maybe Hal and Seamus felt the same about the headmaster as the young men did. It remains a mystery. Good writing. Held my attention throughout. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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This is certainly interesting. Maybe Hal and Seamus felt the same about the headmaster as the young men did. It remains a mystery. Good writing. Held my attention throughout. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Thanks for your review with your supportive comments.
Comment from DragonSkulls
Haha. Gives a new meaning to murder there. This is an excellent contribution to the prompt, author. The author notes helped to. Didn't know about the 'da.' I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Perfect picture. Have a great day.
Ron
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Haha. Gives a new meaning to murder there. This is an excellent contribution to the prompt, author. The author notes helped to. Didn't know about the 'da.' I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Perfect picture. Have a great day.
Ron
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Thanks for your comments. That beaut car was wasted on the headmaster. Pity it got smashed up.
Comment from RodG
This is an excellent story about a school master who might have rubbed a couple other masters the wrong way. The "car" plays a key role for everyone involved in the story. Excellent characterization of the antagonist and the narrator and I enjoyed the dialog very much. This vignette is a bit reminiscent of the American classic A SEPARATE PEACE. Rod
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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This is an excellent story about a school master who might have rubbed a couple other masters the wrong way. The "car" plays a key role for everyone involved in the story. Excellent characterization of the antagonist and the narrator and I enjoyed the dialog very much. This vignette is a bit reminiscent of the American classic A SEPARATE PEACE. Rod
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Thanks for your review, Rod.I hadn't heard of A Separate Peace (not being a USA resident) so I Googled it and it does sound interesting. i'll see if our library has it. I'm pleased you liked my story.
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It used to be required reading for all 9th grade students at the school where I taught. It?s set at a private Boys school on the eve of WWII. ROD
Comment from James W. Reynolds
This is an engaging, fast-paced story. The narrator is likable and has a voice that holds the reader's attention. The details are just enough to add the necessary flesh and bone, but they do not weigh the story down. The ending raises a question, which makes the story interesting.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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This is an engaging, fast-paced story. The narrator is likable and has a voice that holds the reader's attention. The details are just enough to add the necessary flesh and bone, but they do not weigh the story down. The ending raises a question, which makes the story interesting.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Thanks so much for the starry review, James, and for your supportive comments.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I really enjoyed this piece. it's a great title and the content follows through on this. It's well worked out and funny too. Tight writing. Taut too. Spot on word count. this should do well in the booths.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Hi there,
I really enjoyed this piece. it's a great title and the content follows through on this. It's well worked out and funny too. Tight writing. Taut too. Spot on word count. this should do well in the booths.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Thanks for your great review. I like your optimism regarding the polls.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I really like this. Even without the culminating twist, the narrative stands on its own, being intriguing throughout :)
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
Karma did it. -- Neat foreshadowing :)
He was such an inflexible stickler for 'doing one's duty' and academic excellence and dress standards. You know, all that boring shit. -- If this was mine, I'd insert commas before those two ands. I think it would give the sentence more emphasis.
Good luck with the competition :)
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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I really like this. Even without the culminating twist, the narrative stands on its own, being intriguing throughout :)
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
Karma did it. -- Neat foreshadowing :)
He was such an inflexible stickler for 'doing one's duty' and academic excellence and dress standards. You know, all that boring shit. -- If this was mine, I'd insert commas before those two ands. I think it would give the sentence more emphasis.
Good luck with the competition :)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Thanks for this great review, Alex. I took up your suggestion. As usual your are right! I value your feedback... it is always so thorough.
