St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "St. Louis Chapter 9 part 2"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
18 total reviews
Comment from SLMorrical
This is a wonderful chapter. It had me going awe at the end. Poor Mac, she is just beside herself. I think it is great that she has Logan there. Talk about a love twist. They started out not liking each other much and now he is her comforter. This a great edition to the book. I think it shows more of the blooming relationship between Mac and Logan. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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This is a wonderful chapter. It had me going awe at the end. Poor Mac, she is just beside herself. I think it is great that she has Logan there. Talk about a love twist. They started out not liking each other much and now he is her comforter. This a great edition to the book. I think it shows more of the blooming relationship between Mac and Logan. Well done.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, I wanted to give this a six, but I miscalculated . I've none left. Romance is in the air and I like that. Now to see what is to happen next. I think the story has great potential. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Hi Barbara, I wanted to give this a six, but I miscalculated . I've none left. Romance is in the air and I like that. Now to see what is to happen next. I think the story has great potential. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 17-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Don't worry about the six. I completely understand. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from Ben Colder
Sounds as if the story is cranked up to run a mile down romance lane. Watch out for those rock trowing Bandits. Another good one Barb. Best to you. Glad I had a six.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Sounds as if the story is cranked up to run a mile down romance lane. Watch out for those rock trowing Bandits. Another good one Barb. Best to you. Glad I had a six.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
I think it's getting to the point where some in-roads in the case need to start happening, in my opinion. Obviously you have the story to tell but I think it's getting a bit bogged down, although I'm probably not the target demographic for this book.
McKenzie plopped on the left side of the couch. - I think you may need 'down' after plopped' or maybe use flopped. The way it reads here, over here at least, reads that she did a poo on the couch...
"This was found by your door." He pointed to an indention - this sounded a little stilted to me. Maybe 'I found this...'
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2019
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Hi Barbara,
I think it's getting to the point where some in-roads in the case need to start happening, in my opinion. Obviously you have the story to tell but I think it's getting a bit bogged down, although I'm probably not the target demographic for this book.
McKenzie plopped on the left side of the couch. - I think you may need 'down' after plopped' or maybe use flopped. The way it reads here, over here at least, reads that she did a poo on the couch...
"This was found by your door." He pointed to an indention - this sounded a little stilted to me. Maybe 'I found this...'
Comment Written 16-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2019
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I made the corrections. I do write romance. I don't like reading the romance where boy meets girl and they jump into bed. I attempt to have a real story and plot surrounding their romance. It's a fine line between the two. I attempt to walk it. I may go too far one way or the other.
Comment from tfawcus
As usual, the emotional content comes across well with believable reactions from McKenzie. I don't know much about these ball games, but there's a good balance between commentary and plot action.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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As usual, the emotional content comes across well with believable reactions from McKenzie. I don't know much about these ball games, but there's a good balance between commentary and plot action.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
It's so good to see Mackenzie's softer side, I think she's going to realise that she needs Logan to stay by her side, and, although proud, startsvto realise that he is her knight in shining armour. A rock has been thrown, but Logan is being someone who loves her, I think. We'll done, Barbara, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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It's so good to see Mackenzie's softer side, I think she's going to realise that she needs Logan to stay by her side, and, although proud, startsvto realise that he is her knight in shining armour. A rock has been thrown, but Logan is being someone who loves her, I think. We'll done, Barbara, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Tootsie55
Still a great read, friend. Keep it coming. As was said elsewhere I am sure romance is coming but knowing your style, we just have to be patient and wait for it. No spags.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Still a great read, friend. Keep it coming. As was said elsewhere I am sure romance is coming but knowing your style, we just have to be patient and wait for it. No spags.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Yes. we need to wait. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
Another attempt to warn Mac off, only she still doesn't have any idea of who's behind it. Great characterization. Love the dogs. They are always on the alert. Logan is always there, although Mac isn't sure she needs him. However, he's taking these scare tactics very seriously. Just a thought--I'd ease up on the baseball, maybe just passing references to the games. judi
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Another attempt to warn Mac off, only she still doesn't have any idea of who's behind it. Great characterization. Love the dogs. They are always on the alert. Logan is always there, although Mac isn't sure she needs him. However, he's taking these scare tactics very seriously. Just a thought--I'd ease up on the baseball, maybe just passing references to the games. judi
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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I think this is pretty much the end of the baseball. I had a review who suggested I rid of the dogs. Thank you for the kind review.
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Aw, I like the dogs. I'm hoping Mac will come up with some clues soon. judi
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She does.
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I like the way you're going with your story. judi
Comment from barkingdog
Loved the smattering of ball game mixed with the plot. Even the throwing of the rock paralleled baseball. Nice job.
One suggestion:
You used the phrase 'chewed her bottom/ lower lip' twice in close proximity.
- McKenzie chewed on her bottom lip. "If I knew what was going on, I think I'd be okay."
-She chewed on her lower lip. "I know." As a tear escaped, she turned toward the wall.
Maybe, another physical cue for one of them? ... lip quivered, she lowered her head, etc.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2019
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Loved the smattering of ball game mixed with the plot. Even the throwing of the rock paralleled baseball. Nice job.
One suggestion:
You used the phrase 'chewed her bottom/ lower lip' twice in close proximity.
- McKenzie chewed on her bottom lip. "If I knew what was going on, I think I'd be okay."
-She chewed on her lower lip. "I know." As a tear escaped, she turned toward the wall.
Maybe, another physical cue for one of them? ... lip quivered, she lowered her head, etc.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2019
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Thank you for catching that. I will correct it in the previous post.
Comment from the13thpoet
Good Afternoon Barbara. That was a good, smooth continuation of the story. I have nothing bad to say about it. Good Job. I did find a typo I think, the beginning of the fourth paragraph starts with: It's the sixth ending......should it be inning?
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Good Afternoon Barbara. That was a good, smooth continuation of the story. I have nothing bad to say about it. Good Job. I did find a typo I think, the beginning of the fourth paragraph starts with: It's the sixth ending......should it be inning?
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
