Addition To The Family
10-minute TV Script9 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Very charming. Emily is certainly a corker. She lets you know what she thinks. The kitten at the end if a nice touch on the part of Mrs. Walsh, since Emily isn't sure what to expect. Great name for the kitten, too. The young couple has a lot to undertake--Michael is a New Zealander and the couple plan to make their home there. Why is it always the women who have to make the adjustments to a new location? Great job with the camera details. All the characters seem very believable. judi
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019
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Very charming. Emily is certainly a corker. She lets you know what she thinks. The kitten at the end if a nice touch on the part of Mrs. Walsh, since Emily isn't sure what to expect. Great name for the kitten, too. The young couple has a lot to undertake--Michael is a New Zealander and the couple plan to make their home there. Why is it always the women who have to make the adjustments to a new location? Great job with the camera details. All the characters seem very believable. judi
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019
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Thanks so much for your comments here, Judi. I value your opinion as you are high on the 'hit chart' with scriptwriting, so you are obviously experienced.
I agree about the injustice of the women having to make the move. In the script, at least Emily's job was something to come to. I had to change my country because I married a 'foreigner', but it worked out fine because I love it here.
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You're welcome. Great script. Glad things worked out for you. One of my moves was from Massachusetts to Texas. That was almost like moving to a different country. judi
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USA seems like a whole lot of different countries to me (on the outside looking in).
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You've got that right. We have our red (mostly Republican) states and Blue states (mostly Democrat) and it is like different counties. judi
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I find that very intriguing. Is it because there are excellent candidates for political positions with the parties, or is it because of economics and employment? In NZ we are just one unit (apart from provinces) and only 5 million people so it is fairly straightforward.
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it isn't because we have great candidates. The voters decide which candidate fits best with their ideology. You seems to have a simpler time of it in New Zealand! judi
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We certainly do, thank goodness. :))
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This makes an excellent topic, and I enjoyed how you handled it. judi
Comment from Rachelle Allen
So very cute!! She really WILL fit into this irreverent family! It seems as if she's been part of them forever. I can see this doing very well in the Year of the Script contest! Good luck to you. xo
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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So very cute!! She really WILL fit into this irreverent family! It seems as if she's been part of them forever. I can see this doing very well in the Year of the Script contest! Good luck to you. xo
Comment Written 14-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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Thanks for your affirming review. I tried a new challenge for myself to see if I could make it an easier read than other scripts I have tried to read and failed because they felt so obstructive to continuity.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Oh, L-M, this is a WONDERFUL offering, ma'am -- I do wish I had a 6-er because i would certainly hand it over willingly -- engaging and very relevant in our modern 'international' living! ;) ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck in the contest! ;) ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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Oh, L-M, this is a WONDERFUL offering, ma'am -- I do wish I had a 6-er because i would certainly hand it over willingly -- engaging and very relevant in our modern 'international' living! ;) ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck in the contest! ;) ;) Yvette
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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I was hoping someone whose opinion I respect would review this script, so thank you for obliging! This is my first script, so I wrote it a bit like a short story, trying not to be too obstructive with bits and pieces. I can't stand reading other people's scripts as it is hard for me to keep the continuity. I'm pleased you found this engaging. Thanks for your comments.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements nicely with a correct theme and format. I'm not sure about it being ten minutes even with the stage direction, but I don't envy the judges in trying to determine what does and does not meet that particular rule. It was an interesting story in a unique setting. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much or sharing it.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2019
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This meets the contest requirements nicely with a correct theme and format. I'm not sure about it being ten minutes even with the stage direction, but I don't envy the judges in trying to determine what does and does not meet that particular rule. It was an interesting story in a unique setting. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much or sharing it.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2019
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That time frame thing was very hard to judge, so I actually took my lead from the word count you had helpfully written on your script. Mine came in at just over 1,500 words. If mine doesn't meet 10 mins, I could just say that the driveway to the farmhouse is very, very long and the camera takes ages to follow the car up the drive!
Comment from Colin John
Hi Liza , this is a great lovely written story and the cast are marvellous , taking all our doctors away , but love has knows only one way , thanks for sharing kind regards Colin xx
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2019
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Hi Liza , this is a great lovely written story and the cast are marvellous , taking all our doctors away , but love has knows only one way , thanks for sharing kind regards Colin xx
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2019
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Thanks for your remarks, Colin.
Comment from JLR
What a fun little script and you have done a grand job of blending the Catholic / Protestant angle out as well as the sheep muck that that angle of repose could bring into a family dialogue. having grown up Ireland amongst the sheep and the "troubles" I get it. Good success
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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What a fun little script and you have done a grand job of blending the Catholic / Protestant angle out as well as the sheep muck that that angle of repose could bring into a family dialogue. having grown up Ireland amongst the sheep and the "troubles" I get it. Good success
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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Thanks for your remarks here. I'm glad you could relate to its familiarity.
Comment from RodG
Oh, I truly like this short scene, Lisa. It really works. Though set in NZ, I can see it as the first episode of an American TV show. I really like how you SET THE SCENE with Emily and Michael's arrival and how you introduce the PROBLEM, religion. We are ready for a clash, especially when Mum rushes out, ignoring her soon-to-be daughter-in-law. Dad is a perfect foil and we like him immediately. Then the surprise RESOLUTION when Mum gives Emily the kitten and names it Satan. The whole scene is well-paced and the dialog is realistic. I love the local color (the sheep farm and the jargon). I think you may have a winner here. I hope this is but the first of several scenes. Rod
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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Oh, I truly like this short scene, Lisa. It really works. Though set in NZ, I can see it as the first episode of an American TV show. I really like how you SET THE SCENE with Emily and Michael's arrival and how you introduce the PROBLEM, religion. We are ready for a clash, especially when Mum rushes out, ignoring her soon-to-be daughter-in-law. Dad is a perfect foil and we like him immediately. Then the surprise RESOLUTION when Mum gives Emily the kitten and names it Satan. The whole scene is well-paced and the dialog is realistic. I love the local color (the sheep farm and the jargon). I think you may have a winner here. I hope this is but the first of several scenes. Rod
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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I am so pleased you reviewed this script, Rod. It is my first one and I treated it as if it were a short story. I never review other people's scripts because I can't stand how disjointed the reading is. Thanks for pointing out the scene, problem and resolution as effective.
I enjoyed writing it so maybe more will follow.
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Twenty-four hours later I still like it the best. Think about making it into a novella or even a novel. Rod
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Gosh, that might be spending too much time with them... I like variety.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I enjoyed reading this. You developed the characters so well in such a short piece. I already feel like I know Michael, Emily and Mr and Mrs Walsh. I could imagine the scene in my mind's eye.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
But I'm glad I got away. Farming's not for me. -- Maybe switch the sentences here to But farming's not for me. I'm glad I got away. This is because Emily says next I am too which is not a follow on to Farming's not for me.
And promise me you won't tell those Pope jokes you know, either - especially not that one about the papal bull! -- Ha, ha. That leaves the viewers plenty of space to imagine their own version :)
and therefore shorter still than Emily. -- This seems superfluous to me. You've already given the information that Michael is shorter than Emily, and that Mr Walsh is shorter than Michael. I think it's even more superfluous since your next detail is Mr Walsh (looking up at Emily).
Good luck with the competition :)
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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I enjoyed reading this. You developed the characters so well in such a short piece. I already feel like I know Michael, Emily and Mr and Mrs Walsh. I could imagine the scene in my mind's eye.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
But I'm glad I got away. Farming's not for me. -- Maybe switch the sentences here to But farming's not for me. I'm glad I got away. This is because Emily says next I am too which is not a follow on to Farming's not for me.
And promise me you won't tell those Pope jokes you know, either - especially not that one about the papal bull! -- Ha, ha. That leaves the viewers plenty of space to imagine their own version :)
and therefore shorter still than Emily. -- This seems superfluous to me. You've already given the information that Michael is shorter than Emily, and that Mr Walsh is shorter than Michael. I think it's even more superfluous since your next detail is Mr Walsh (looking up at Emily).
Good luck with the competition :)
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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I'm pleased you enjoyed this, my first ever script. Thanks for your helpful review. Those changes made sense so I have modified the script.
Comment from JudyE
This is great writing and very enjoyable to read. Vince is Catholic and I'm a kalathumpian (you know that term?) so the writing resonates with me although my mother-in-law didn't bet. :) And we all got along very well as it looks like this family will.
One spag: A comma needed after 'heart' in the following:
Well, bless your kind heart Mrs Walsh!
And congratulations too on the win in the tourist competition. Well done.
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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This is great writing and very enjoyable to read. Vince is Catholic and I'm a kalathumpian (you know that term?) so the writing resonates with me although my mother-in-law didn't bet. :) And we all got along very well as it looks like this family will.
One spag: A comma needed after 'heart' in the following:
Well, bless your kind heart Mrs Walsh!
And congratulations too on the win in the tourist competition. Well done.
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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I am a fellow kalathumpian haha. I married into a Catholic family (divorced now, but no dramas with the family.) Thanks for your spag catch.
