St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "St. Louis Chapter 8 part 2"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
16 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
There's some nice incidental detailing in here now which stops the 'talking head' syndrome and changes up the eyes meeting fall-back. This may read better in bigger chunks but I'd go over it again to make sure of the pacing. it seems a tad slow to me in terms of the plotting. There's a lot of 'relationship' stuff and about the dogs but I wonder if it's slowing things down a little. I'm not sure.
Edger, very alert, meandered over to check things out. - not sure about the pairing of very alert with meander. (meander suggests laid back & relaxed)
"I guess you're still upset over the beer and maybe the assigned detail." He left. "I'm starting coffee. I need a cup." - maybe say he headed toward the kitchen or suchlike rather than he left which suggests actually leaving.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2019
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Hi Barbara,
There's some nice incidental detailing in here now which stops the 'talking head' syndrome and changes up the eyes meeting fall-back. This may read better in bigger chunks but I'd go over it again to make sure of the pacing. it seems a tad slow to me in terms of the plotting. There's a lot of 'relationship' stuff and about the dogs but I wonder if it's slowing things down a little. I'm not sure.
Edger, very alert, meandered over to check things out. - not sure about the pairing of very alert with meander. (meander suggests laid back & relaxed)
"I guess you're still upset over the beer and maybe the assigned detail." He left. "I'm starting coffee. I need a cup." - maybe say he headed toward the kitchen or suchlike rather than he left which suggests actually leaving.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2019
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I struggled with the word meander. I knew it wasn't exactly what I wanted but couldn't come up with the correct word. I was hoping to get additional help with it and you're the only reviewer to comment on it. I have deleted it and just wrote, he checked them out. Thank you for the help.
Comment from susand3022
Hi Barbara, I'm loving this book! I'm not sure if I've written all of the reviews for the chapters but rest assured that I have read them all! I went to your profile page and read from there... (I did it for all of my books) I wanted to make sure I was caught up when I saw so many messages! I'm coming from most recent and working my way back.
All my books are getting really good... this thing with Mack for instance... who's after her??? And Why??? Will we EVER know??? Does it or does it not have anything to do with Meghan's murder?
Am I trying to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop??? ;)
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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Hi Barbara, I'm loving this book! I'm not sure if I've written all of the reviews for the chapters but rest assured that I have read them all! I went to your profile page and read from there... (I did it for all of my books) I wanted to make sure I was caught up when I saw so many messages! I'm coming from most recent and working my way back.
All my books are getting really good... this thing with Mack for instance... who's after her??? And Why??? Will we EVER know??? Does it or does it not have anything to do with Meghan's murder?
Am I trying to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop??? ;)
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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I promise everything will be solved by the end of this novel, plus a few extras that haven't been mentioned, yet. Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Gail Denham
An intriguing tale - you've thought this plot through well, it sounds as if. The story flows smoothly with action, dialog and the plot blended in. Good job. Carry on.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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An intriguing tale - you've thought this plot through well, it sounds as if. The story flows smoothly with action, dialog and the plot blended in. Good job. Carry on.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Barbara, I think that was a fine continuation to the story. I liked the storyline as well as the characters and their dialogue. I like how Logan is able to deal with McKenzie even though she is not making it easy, though she seems to lighten up a bit toward the end of the chapter.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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Hello Barbara, I think that was a fine continuation to the story. I liked the storyline as well as the characters and their dialogue. I like how Logan is able to deal with McKenzie even though she is not making it easy, though she seems to lighten up a bit toward the end of the chapter.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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McKenzie has a lot going on and Logan understands that, plus his training has taught him him patience. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from SLMorrical
This is wonderful chapter. An excellent addition to the book. Mac is very upset over the whole protection thing. I also like the women in every port, and the response of that's Navy I'm Army as Logan's response. I can relate to Mac being angry and scared. Angry because of not knowing what's going on, and the loss of control. Scared because she knows someone is out to get her. Well done the chapter flows well. It follows the story well.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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This is wonderful chapter. An excellent addition to the book. Mac is very upset over the whole protection thing. I also like the women in every port, and the response of that's Navy I'm Army as Logan's response. I can relate to Mac being angry and scared. Angry because of not knowing what's going on, and the loss of control. Scared because she knows someone is out to get her. Well done the chapter flows well. It follows the story well.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. Yes, Mac is a mess right now..
Comment from light
This is a good chapter. Your dialogue is so appropriate, and really moves the story along. Mac is just very sensitive about being able to take care of herself.
Elaine
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2019
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This is a good chapter. Your dialogue is so appropriate, and really moves the story along. Mac is just very sensitive about being able to take care of herself.
Elaine
Comment Written 09-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2019
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She has a back story that will be coming out. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from tfawcus
I hope you enjoy your holiday. I guess we'll have to wait a while to find out what happens next. The relationship between Logan and McKenzie seems to be warming up a little.
I think 'ear full' can be written 'earful'.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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I hope you enjoy your holiday. I guess we'll have to wait a while to find out what happens next. The relationship between Logan and McKenzie seems to be warming up a little.
I think 'ear full' can be written 'earful'.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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I think you're correct. I will make that correction. I just did it. I appreciate the catch. Thank you. I will do my best to post.
Comment from Sylvia Page
This is a very fast-moving chapter. Mackenzie is feeling that everyone thinks she is incapable of protecting herself and is resentful but subconsciously is scared of what can happen to her. Very good imagery. The tension is felt when she drops her laundry clothes and basket.
Best wishes and enjoy your vacation.
Sylvia
touched woman's clothing before.//women's
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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This is a very fast-moving chapter. Mackenzie is feeling that everyone thinks she is incapable of protecting herself and is resentful but subconsciously is scared of what can happen to her. Very good imagery. The tension is felt when she drops her laundry clothes and basket.
Best wishes and enjoy your vacation.
Sylvia
touched woman's clothing before.//women's
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Thank you for the catch. I have made the correction. I appreciate the help.
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You are welcome
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good episode. Mac should be glad Bill assigned protection after getting that rat. I don't blame her for being afraid. This is nothing to take lightly. She willl have to find out who her enemy is and then deal with him/her. If Logan can help, she should let him.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Good episode. Mac should be glad Bill assigned protection after getting that rat. I don't blame her for being afraid. This is nothing to take lightly. She willl have to find out who her enemy is and then deal with him/her. If Logan can help, she should let him.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Logan will do more than help. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
Good chapter and I think you like the SIXES as they are around now. I missed you. Keep up the good work not much good reading around at the moment. No spags.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Good chapter and I think you like the SIXES as they are around now. I missed you. Keep up the good work not much good reading around at the moment. No spags.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this wonderful review.
