Reviews from

The Game

The game of love

9 total reviews 
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Excellent
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And the last line... "You see I was betrayed." Oh, oh! How sad if true. The saga of the 21st Century. Who to trust? Who to love? When will we know?
Very well put together with a "piercing the heart" message. Never gamble!

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 15-Oct-2019
    Thanks again for your kind review.
Comment from Bill Pinder
Excellent
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That is a powerful story of a terrible ending to a relationship. The only thing good about it is that shows the heart of the other person, and if this is a true story, I'm glad you didn't go any farther in the relationship to be hurt worse.
Bill

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 15-Oct-2019
    Thanks again my friend. I wrote that senior year of high school, ironically it seems I wrote the situation into existence.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
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Wow... not much loved involved in her little manipulation 'game'.... hope it's not a personal story, but there are both men and women out there that 'play this game'... they are the angry, lonely ones in the end... :( ;( Thanx for sharing your well-rhymed aabb scheme story.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 15-Oct-2019
    Thank you for your time and review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Excellent
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This seems like a typical game of she loves me she loves me not. When everything is too good to be true, the mother queen moves to another ... flower - she said, "that's how the game is played." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 15-Oct-2019
    Thank you for your insight and another great review.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Excellent
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Hope this is not true but I know many stories that have taken place. Very well described, if you make the syllable count in each line closer to being the saw will make for a smooth piece

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
    Thank you Barb, your time and review are always welcomed and appreciate it. I wrote that poem in 93/94 during my senior year of high school as a challenge. While that didn't happen exactly, it seems I was writing my future into being. I had struggled with the flow of some of those lines for years and just said forget it, and I left it as it was. Never thought it would see the light of day all those years ago.
Comment from Larry5000
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Interesting poem on this one. I guess some women just play it out like this but in all fairness men can do this the same as well. Once again sentence structure is important for better rhythmic flow.

Your long line: As the relationship progresses, we explore each other's bodies as well as minds. Might say something like: As the relationship progressed, we explore our bodies and minds. The word 'our' took care of 'each other's' also you did not have to use the words 'as well as' just saying our bodies and minds the reader know you explored both of those things. shortened up that line by 5 words. So now if you read both of those lines together you have:
As the relationship progressed, we explore our bodies and minds
To meet someone as wonderful as her would be hard to find. I would add the word 'so' in the line to make it flow better when reading it. would be 'so' hard to find.
Take care.
Larry

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
    Thanks, I wrote that poem back around '93/94 (senior year). I was in physics class and poetry somehow got mentioned. Well a challenge was issued to write a poem, the game being the title. My challenger wrote about baseball, this is what I chose.
    I have grappled with that line for years and just decided to leave it be. I knew when I posted this, I would hear from you. Being that that poem is already published, I probably won't change it unless I put out a revised version of my book. But thanks as always, it does flow better.
reply by Larry5000 on 26-Jun-2019
    OH OK I was not aware some of these poems have already been published but not shown on this site. Yea no problem.

    I am sorry to be so nit-picky if you will it is just something as I read along in a poem that if it causes me to stumbled (so to speak) or causes choppiness in reading it. I feel I have to say something.

    I know you are into rhymes mostly doing the Quadtrain thing rather AABB or ABAB and I am the same way so I try so hard to make sure it flows well between the two rhyming sentences sometimes having to read a poem what seems like a 100 times to make sure it works. Yes sometimes to make your two great words you want to use Rhyme you cannot help but maybe have a word or two more in there then what you want. But in your case with the extra long line you had 5 words to many. lol.

    Anyway as far as what your poems are saying to the reader they have all stood out having strong content and good messages so don't stop there, just try hard to watch how the rhythm flows between lines.
Comment from Mike Stevens
Excellent
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Another fine poem, Roddy--yes, indeed, played like a lop-sided accordion in the Symphony of Fools. Don't ask why a symphony would have an accordian, just play along!

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
    lol ok I won't ask but it made me smile.......thanks again!
Comment from Patty Palmer
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Very well put together! Isn't that just the way it is? You think you've found your soul mate but turns out she's just a sole.
So, back to the drawing board. Let's hope the next one is for real.

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
    lol that was funny. thanks for your time and review. always appreciated
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Excellent
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This is a nice story of a game played or betrayal of love; she played immorally; I liked and enjoyed the flow of thoughts and read; well said, well done. Write-Inspire-Change --DR ALCREATOR

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
    Thank you.