haiku (you're my better half)
haiku contest entry34 total reviews
Comment from Michele Harber
What a simultaneously intelligent and romantic poem. I like that you run the idea of "half," in various contexts and represented, as well, by the word "split," throughout your poem, tying the three lines together. You've gotten a good deal of emotion across in only three lines and 19 syllables. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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What a simultaneously intelligent and romantic poem. I like that you run the idea of "half," in various contexts and represented, as well, by the word "split," throughout your poem, tying the three lines together. You've gotten a good deal of emotion across in only three lines and 19 syllables. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Thank you for taking the time to send me your review of ?A Simple Formula For Love.? I m pleased you liked the poem and my idea of building on the split use of ?half.? Unfortunately it was not a winning poem.
I?m 72 and have been ?in and out? of hospitals for the last few years. I joined FS this year in the hope I could use writing as a way to take my mind off pain. It?s worked. Michele, I know that the thoughtful critiques and feedback from people like you have been largely the reason for my success in pain management. Thank you.
- Lobber
P.S. - As a fellow writer who likes romantic poem you may want to check out 3 poems that I wrote earlier this year. I apologize if you reviewed any of the works earlier. Each received an award and/or Recognition: ?A Parting Romance?- ?A Fall Romance Begins? - ?Time After Time After Time After? ... I enjoy the journey!
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I?m so sorry about your health issues, but using writing to deal with the pain is such a brilliant choice. It occupies your mind, offers an outlet for your feelings, and allows your imagination to take you anywhere you want to go. I?ll definitely make it a point to look up the poems you suggested when I?m home and have a little more chance later today.
Meanwhile, have a lovely day and feel better. I?m thrilled if my words truly did help you with the latter.
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I didn't want you to think I forgot about you. I did go back and read the three poems you suggested, which I enjoyed very much. I also skimmed your portfolio. You have a particularly good touch with the shorter poems, especially with your romantic descriptions of nature, but I was also taken just by the variety of topics about which you write, and the variety of genres in which you do it. Keep on writing, for the sake of your health and your and your readers' enjoyment.
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Hi Michele,
Thank you for taking the time to read some of my works. You certainly have your share of awards and wonderful comments...I?m honoured to be under your watch. FS gets most of my conservative writings. My private works are quite provocative and unique. - Lobber
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What a lovely thing to say.
The "problem" with provocative writing is that people (on FanStory and elsewhere) tend not to accept that people might have (and are entitled to have) opinions that differ from their own. Once the first negative comment hits, you feel obligated to respond, and then the other person responds, and you end up spending your time defending one work rather than simply getting pleasure from writing others. Let's just say I'd rather write than fight, so I save my more provocative comments for conversations among family and friends, where I know that, even if we have differing opinions, we'll still be family and friends in the end.
Comment from DonandVicki
I love studying mathematics, I don't totally understand it but I love it nevertheless. Yours is the first poem I've read that incorporated and very ingenious formula and format.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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I love studying mathematics, I don't totally understand it but I love it nevertheless. Yours is the first poem I've read that incorporated and very ingenious formula and format.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Hello,
Thank you for taking the time to send me your review of ?A Simple Formula For Love.? I m pleased you liked the poem. Unfortunately it was not a winning poem.
I?m 72 and have been ?in and out? of hospitals for the last few years. I joined FS this year in the hope I could use writing as a way to take my mind off pain. It?s worked. I know that the thoughtful critiques and feedback from people like you have been largely the reason for my success in pain management. Thank you.
- Lobber
P.S. - As a fellow writer who likes romantic poem you may want to check out 3 poems that I wrote earlier this year. I apologize if you reviewed any of the works earlier. Each received an award and/or Recognition: ?A Parting Romance?- ?A Fall Romance Begins? - ?Time After Time After Time After? ... I enjoy the journey!
Comment from Susan Morritt
Hi Lobber
Wow! I had to read this through several times. This is very clever. Your juggling the same words into different forms was truly unique. The last line, "but split we are no better" took me a few minutes to quite grasp.
I also liked the very appropriate picture as well. A brilliant job well done.
Susan
Susan
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Hi Lobber
Wow! I had to read this through several times. This is very clever. Your juggling the same words into different forms was truly unique. The last line, "but split we are no better" took me a few minutes to quite grasp.
I also liked the very appropriate picture as well. A brilliant job well done.
Susan
Susan
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Dear Susan,
Thank you for taking the time to send me your review of ?A Simple Formula For Love.? I m glad you had the patience to read the poem a couple of times. Unfortunately it was not a winning poem.
I?m 72 and have been ?in and out? of hospitals for the last few years. I joined FS this year in the hope I could use writing as a way to take my mind off pain. It?s worked. Susan, I know that the thoughtful critiques and feedback from people like you have been largely the reason for my success in pain management. Thank you.
- Lobber
P.S. - As a fellow writer who likes romantic poem you may want to check out 3 poems that I wrote earlier this year. I apologize if you reviewed any of the works earlier. Each received an award and/or Recognition: ?A Parting Romance?- ?A Fall Romance Begins? - ?Time After Time After Time After? ... I enjoy the journey!
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Hi Lobber
My review was for "you're my better half. I think it was brilliant.
Susan
Comment from tfawcus
A thought-provoking wordplay here. I'm not sure that you really need the inverted commas. The idea stands pretty well without them. I enjoyed your entry to the 3-line contest, and I wish you luck with it.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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A thought-provoking wordplay here. I'm not sure that you really need the inverted commas. The idea stands pretty well without them. I enjoyed your entry to the 3-line contest, and I wish you luck with it.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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De tfawcus,
Thank you for taking the time to send me your review of ?A Simple Formula For Love.? You?re right, the poem doesn?t need the inverted commas. Unfortunately it was not a winning poem.
I?m 72 and have been ?in and out? of hospitals for the last few years. I joined FS this year in the hope I could use writing as a way to take my mind off pain. It?s worked. I know that the thoughtful critiques and feedback from people like you have been largely the reason for my success in pain management. Thank you.
- Lobber
P.S. - As a fellow writer who likes romantic poem you may want to check out 3 poems that I wrote earlier this year. I apologize if you reviewed any of the works earlier. Each received an award and/or Recognition: ?A Parting Romance?- ?A Fall Romance Begins? - ?Time After Time After Time After? ... I enjoy the journey!
Comment from Melanie Cox
Love the image you choose here. Lovely sentiment offered with your word play. Not always easy with limitations on syllable and line count. Well done. Good Luck.
Mel
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Love the image you choose here. Lovely sentiment offered with your word play. Not always easy with limitations on syllable and line count. Well done. Good Luck.
Mel
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Thank you for taking the time to send me your review of ?A Simple Formula For Love.? I?m pleased you liked the sentiment and artwork for the poem; unfortunately it was not a winner.
I?m 72 and have been ?in and out? of hospitals for the last few years. I joined FS this year in the hope I could use writing as a way to take my mind off pain. It?s worked. Melanie, I know that the thoughtful critiques and feedback from people like you have been largely the reason for my success in pain management. Thank you.
- Lobber
P.S. - As a fellow writer who likes romantic poem you may want to check out 3 poems that I wrote earlier this year. I apologize if you reviewed any of the works earlier. Each received an award and/or Recognition: ?A Parting Romance?- ?A Fall Romance Begins? - ?Time After Time After Time After? ... I enjoy the journey!
Comment from Gloria ....
Good one, Lobber. Love is a Fibonacci equation and perhaps you are more correct in that assessment that you realize.
A most unique and entertaining post and I wish you much luck with the Contest Committee. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Good one, Lobber. Love is a Fibonacci equation and perhaps you are more correct in that assessment that you realize.
A most unique and entertaining post and I wish you much luck with the Contest Committee. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Thank you for taking the time to send me your review of ?A Simple Formula For Love.? My poem May have been correct in its assessment of ?love?, but unfortunately it was not a winner.
I?m 72 and have been ?in and out? of hospitals for the last few years. I joined FS this year in the hope I could use writing as a way to take my mind off pain. It?s worked. Gloria, I know that the thoughtful critiques and feedback from supportive people like you have been largely the reason for my success in pain management. Thank you.
- Lobber
P.S. - As a fellow writer who likes romantic poem you may want to check out 3 poems that I wrote earlier this year. I apologize if you reviewed any of the works earlier. Each received an award and/or Recognition: ?A Parting Romance?- ?A Fall Romance Begins? - ?Time After Time After Time After? ... I enjoy the journey!
Comment from Yuna Akil
Hi, thank you for your poem.
I like the splitting of words. The way you frame each line around the words "better half", "half of me" "and split". Is absolutely brilliant.
Looking forward to reading more from you.
Yuna.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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Hi, thank you for your poem.
I like the splitting of words. The way you frame each line around the words "better half", "half of me" "and split". Is absolutely brilliant.
Looking forward to reading more from you.
Yuna.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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Dear Yuna,
Thank you for taking the time to send me your review of ?A Simple Formula For Love.? I?m pleased you like how I play with words.
I?m 72 and have been ?in and out? of hospitals for the last few years. I joined FS this year in the hope I could use writing as a way to take my mind off pain. It?s worked. Yuna, I know that the thoughtful critiques and feedback from people like you have been largely the reason for my success in pain management.
Since you like wordplay, you might want to visit some of my poems. There are humorous ones, heavy ones and some with awards*:
I can canI Ican canI Ican
*Time After Time After Time After
The Scourge of Pain
The Painful Dead
Metallic Tangled Carnage
Detroit- Formula One
Tools of the Trade
Mother Array
Pubic Hair Not Excluded
Under the Radar Gone Wild!
High Hair - Attitude & Altitude
D-Issection of Life
*A Fall Romance Begins
Shall I Make it to the Hearse? (On Time?)
Mayor?s Nude Erection Is Overdue
P.S. - As a fellow writer who may also like romantic poems you may want to check out 2 poems that I wrote earlier this year. I apologize if you reviewed any of the works earlier. Two received an award: ?A Parting Romance?and ?A Fall Romance Begins? ... enjoy the journey.
End to a Summer Romance
*A Parting Romance
*A Fall Romance Begins
Thank you, Yuna
- Lobber
P.P.S - If you want to receive each new work automatically . . . As a Fan you can be notified each time I publish something new. FS will notify you by e-mail and/or private message when I make a new posting.
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are strong, clear and thought provoking.
The reader pondered on the theme and words of this poem.
The artwork is perfect and compliments this poem well.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2019
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The author's words are strong, clear and thought provoking.
The reader pondered on the theme and words of this poem.
The artwork is perfect and compliments this poem well.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2019
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Dear harmony13,
Thank you for taking the time to send me your review of ?A Simple Formula For Love.? I?m pleased you found my work to be strong, clear and thought provoking.
I?m 72 and have been ?in and out? of hospitals for the last few years. I joined FS this year in the hope I could use writing as a way to take my mind off pain. It?s worked. Benny, I know that the thoughtful critiques and feedback from people like you have been largely the reason for my success in pain management. Thank you.
- Lobber
P.S. - As a fellow writer who likes romantic poem you may want to check out 3 poems that I wrote earlier this year. I apologize if you reviewed any of the works earlier. Each received an award and/or Recognition: ?A Parting Romance?- ?A Fall Romance Begins? - ?Time After Time After Time After? ...enjoy the journey!
Comment from A. Willow Bends
This is amazing with the visual you chose. Just a quick question, so you don't get overlooked on this one. Does the poem have to use a name? The contest rules show an example using the name Joe. I just wanted to take a quick look at the fine print because your poem is awesome and want you to be in the running to win! :) Great job with such small parameters in a contest. EXCELLENT!
Wendy
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2019
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This is amazing with the visual you chose. Just a quick question, so you don't get overlooked on this one. Does the poem have to use a name? The contest rules show an example using the name Joe. I just wanted to take a quick look at the fine print because your poem is awesome and want you to be in the running to win! :) Great job with such small parameters in a contest. EXCELLENT!
Wendy
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2019
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Dear A. Willow Bends,
Thank you for taking the time to send me your review of ?A Simple Formula For Love.? After your review, and in keeping with the contest, I titled the work ?haiku (you?re my better half)?.
I?m 72 and have been ?in and out? of hospitals for the last few years. I joined FS this year in the hope I could use writing as a way to take my mind off pain. It?s worked. Benny, I know that the thoughtful critiques and feedback from people like you have been largely the reason for my success in pain management. Thank you.
- Lobber
P.S. - As a fellow writer who likes romantic poem you may want to check out 3 poems that I wrote earlier this year. I apologize if you reviewed any of the works earlier. Each received an award and/or Recognition: ?A Parting Romance?- ?A Fall Romance Begins? - ?Time After Time After Time After? ...enjoy the journey!
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Hi yes you are right split, you are no better. Both halves will have gone separately and with half the strength on either side.
The writing is simple but so full f strength and force. It carries a good lesson as well.
Benny
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2019
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Hi yes you are right split, you are no better. Both halves will have gone separately and with half the strength on either side.
The writing is simple but so full f strength and force. It carries a good lesson as well.
Benny
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2019
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Dear Benny
Thank you for taking the time to send me your review of ?A Simple Formula For Love.? I?m glad you found a worthwhile lesson in the poem.
I?m 72 and have been ?in and out? of hospitals for the last few years. I joined FS this year in the hope I could use writing as a way to take my mind off pain. It?s worked. Benny, I know that the thoughtful critiques and feedback from people like you have been largely the reason for my success in pain management. Thank you.
- Lobber
P.S. - As a fellow writer who likes romantic poem you may want to check out 3 poems that I wrote earlier this year. I apologize if you reviewed any of the works earlier. Each received an award and/or Recognition: ?A Parting Romance?- ?A Fall Romance Begins? - ?Time After Time After Time After? ...enjoy the journey!
