Watching
A sad one.23 total reviews
Comment from the13thpoet
A sad but great short story. I was fully engaged, just reading along then...I got to the last line. It felt like my heart stopped and my jaw dropped. I guess I didn't know exactly where the story was going. SAD! Awesome work. thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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A sad but great short story. I was fully engaged, just reading along then...I got to the last line. It felt like my heart stopped and my jaw dropped. I guess I didn't know exactly where the story was going. SAD! Awesome work. thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Thanks so much for reading. Have a lovely day.
Comment from A. Willow Bends
Yes, very sad. You always have the ending ready with a BAM. This one, however, does offer the smallest hope that we CAN still watch from beyond. As I age, I have the tiniest faith that we can check on things from time to time. This very short piece, along with the photo to match grabs hold and hangs on! At least, it will for me!
Great job, as usual!
Wendy
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Yes, very sad. You always have the ending ready with a BAM. This one, however, does offer the smallest hope that we CAN still watch from beyond. As I age, I have the tiniest faith that we can check on things from time to time. This very short piece, along with the photo to match grabs hold and hangs on! At least, it will for me!
Great job, as usual!
Wendy
Comment Written 17-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Thanks for your review. Take care.xxx
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is up to your usual standard.
Always searching for, and trying to second guess the twist, as is my wont, this gave it away for me: I looked at him. The implicit first-person narrator who had previously stated The body on the bed gave it away before I got to the culmination. That's not a bad in itself, I'm just saying...
Good luck with the competition :)
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
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This is up to your usual standard.
Always searching for, and trying to second guess the twist, as is my wont, this gave it away for me: I looked at him. The implicit first-person narrator who had previously stated The body on the bed gave it away before I got to the culmination. That's not a bad in itself, I'm just saying...
Good luck with the competition :)
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
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Thanks for reading and for your thorough review, Alex.
Comment from robyn corum
MJ,
OOooOOOOOooooo.... I guess that'll happen, huh? Nice plot twist, there at the end. I liked this story a lot and I think it should do super in the polls. Good luck!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
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MJ,
OOooOOOOOooooo.... I guess that'll happen, huh? Nice plot twist, there at the end. I liked this story a lot and I think it should do super in the polls. Good luck!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
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Thanks for reading, Robyn.
Comment from Dean Kuch
At least your female character in this flash fiction tale realized she had died and was now a specter, a ghost of her former self.
A paranormal entity, no longer bound by this world but the world beyond.
It's been said there are those that die and do not realize they've crossed over to the other side for quite some time. They become lost souls, wandering in purgatory until they learn to accept their fate.
Now THAT would be hell on earth.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
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At least your female character in this flash fiction tale realized she had died and was now a specter, a ghost of her former self.
A paranormal entity, no longer bound by this world but the world beyond.
It's been said there are those that die and do not realize they've crossed over to the other side for quite some time. They become lost souls, wandering in purgatory until they learn to accept their fate.
Now THAT would be hell on earth.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
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Thanks so much for your review, Dean. Have a lovely weekend.
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You're welcome Maria and you do the same.
Comment from BeasPeas
Another super story. Well worded and interesting. Title is appropriate. You have the knack, Maria. Best of luck in the contest with this flash fiction. Marilyn
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
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Another super story. Well worded and interesting. Title is appropriate. You have the knack, Maria. Best of luck in the contest with this flash fiction. Marilyn
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
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Thanks so much for this kind review.xxx
Comment from royowen
This isva great post Maria. It has that special quality of the surprise ending that they need to give it that special oomph that one needs to give it that impetus of plot. Well done, blessjngs, Roy
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
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This isva great post Maria. It has that special quality of the surprise ending that they need to give it that special oomph that one needs to give it that impetus of plot. Well done, blessjngs, Roy
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
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Thanks for reading, Roy.
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Welcome
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written seventy-five word flash fiction about someone who died and the soul left the body to look back on the scene unable to comfort the husband who is still holding her dead body.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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A very well-written seventy-five word flash fiction about someone who died and the soul left the body to look back on the scene unable to comfort the husband who is still holding her dead body.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Thanks for reading and reviewing, Sandra.
Comment from misscookie
The artwork you choose put chilled down my spine
going to the hospital to visit my man years ago
He didn't look this old t even though he was much older then I in the hospital bed I notice how much he age.I guess when your in-love those things never mattered Thank you for sharing
Cookie.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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The artwork you choose put chilled down my spine
going to the hospital to visit my man years ago
He didn't look this old t even though he was much older then I in the hospital bed I notice how much he age.I guess when your in-love those things never mattered Thank you for sharing
Cookie.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Thanks for reading and for telling me your story.
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Your welcome. have a nice day
Cookie
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, so sad. I kept wondering who was speaking but by the end, you let us know that the narrator is the one who has just passed. I liked how the wife noticed how the stress and sadness aged her husband.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Oh, so sad. I kept wondering who was speaking but by the end, you let us know that the narrator is the one who has just passed. I liked how the wife noticed how the stress and sadness aged her husband.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Thanks, Helen.xx
