Fixing Vincent
Putting back the pieces after a troubled son's death34 total reviews
Comment from susand3022
Hi Rachelle, This is totally different from anything I ever see from you! This poor little kid. He's grown up with no father. Now he's already a bully and he's only in kindergarten. I know that kid... he just graduated with my son. (I don't know about the deceased father part) but according to his mother, he can do no wrong!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Hi Rachelle, This is totally different from anything I ever see from you! This poor little kid. He's grown up with no father. Now he's already a bully and he's only in kindergarten. I know that kid... he just graduated with my son. (I don't know about the deceased father part) but according to his mother, he can do no wrong!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Vincent's dad is alive. He was the one Meg re-set the alarm for before she left the house. And I don't think he's a bully so much as he reacts very strongly when HE's picked on. He has impulse issues, for sure, and makes bad choices.
Comment from Sugarray77
Rachelle, this is so moving with the telling of the loss of a child. This character fluctuates between seeing Vincent as an adult and then the child. This rollercoaster is obviously hard on her... which you relate very well. Great writing.
Melissa
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Rachelle, this is so moving with the telling of the loss of a child. This character fluctuates between seeing Vincent as an adult and then the child. This rollercoaster is obviously hard on her... which you relate very well. Great writing.
Melissa
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Thank you very much, Melissa. She is definitely struggling still every day, five years later. It's hard to be a 'fixer.'
Comment from Gail Denham
Most moving piece this is - excellent guiding us through the beginning of yet one more day. I have at least two friends who've lost sons and they seem never to be able to let it go. God bless you. My mom lost two sons...the first to polio at l5 - she was in bed for a week - the second, she simply clammed up. we'll always miss these two brothers.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Most moving piece this is - excellent guiding us through the beginning of yet one more day. I have at least two friends who've lost sons and they seem never to be able to let it go. God bless you. My mom lost two sons...the first to polio at l5 - she was in bed for a week - the second, she simply clammed up. we'll always miss these two brothers.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Yes, I can't imagine how someone ever goes on after such a tragedy. Thanks for your feedback and encouragement, Gail. xo
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Another superb story written with loving care. It is not the natural process for a child to go before a parent and I don't believe one ever truly recovers from the loss! I have a friend who lost a sin at 13, and my heart was so broken fir her as she suffered greatly. It has been 25 years and the sadness has taken its toll on her health and hardly ever does she smile. I live in constant prayer for the protection of my children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren. And even though I consider myself a strong woman, I don't think I could carry such weight. Write on my friend, you're stories are engaging and I want to read more!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Another superb story written with loving care. It is not the natural process for a child to go before a parent and I don't believe one ever truly recovers from the loss! I have a friend who lost a sin at 13, and my heart was so broken fir her as she suffered greatly. It has been 25 years and the sadness has taken its toll on her health and hardly ever does she smile. I live in constant prayer for the protection of my children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren. And even though I consider myself a strong woman, I don't think I could carry such weight. Write on my friend, you're stories are engaging and I want to read more!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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What a super lovely review this is. And I think you couldn't be more right: how does one ever go on as well after such a tragedy? Impossible. Thank you for the illuminating review. xo
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Mwah!! I can?t wait to read more!
Comment from juliaSjames
Congratulations on an excellent first chapter. I just wrote a review then accidentally lost it! No doubt the Universe's way of telling me it was rubbish! :))
So I'm trying again.
I like the smooth way you establish characters and context from Meg's POV. Including Vincent. Great use of flashback to show us the young Vincent. Believable too. Excellent depiction of Meg's physical appearance and her personality based on her actions.
Hints of the storyline in Meg's emotional reaction to the letter from the county and in her reaction after the flashback.
The chapter draws the reader in, interested to know what happened to Vincent and how it's affected his family.
The writing is excellent and extremely detailed. Perhaps that's overdone in places. Something to watch out for.
Best of luck in the contest.
Blessings, Julia
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Congratulations on an excellent first chapter. I just wrote a review then accidentally lost it! No doubt the Universe's way of telling me it was rubbish! :))
So I'm trying again.
I like the smooth way you establish characters and context from Meg's POV. Including Vincent. Great use of flashback to show us the young Vincent. Believable too. Excellent depiction of Meg's physical appearance and her personality based on her actions.
Hints of the storyline in Meg's emotional reaction to the letter from the county and in her reaction after the flashback.
The chapter draws the reader in, interested to know what happened to Vincent and how it's affected his family.
The writing is excellent and extremely detailed. Perhaps that's overdone in places. Something to watch out for.
Best of luck in the contest.
Blessings, Julia
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Thanks, Julia! This was very detailed and extremely helpful. I so appreciate you always having my back. xo
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You're very welcome. I keep my husband at twelve arms length away from my work because he critiques every word :) I try to be more reasonable.
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You did a perfect job. You're welcome to always stay close by. xo
Comment from Deniz22
Still no sixes...very intriguing first chapter. The reader has to pay close attention to the clues you dole out like Scrooge's compliments to Bob Cratchit.
It's a great idea and I really like how you weave things together from seemingly random circumstances to give us a look back as the present is being lived out.
I was going to comment on the clock being read in the mirror since it would read backward. However, since she reset the alarm every morning like (ahem) clockwork, 6:39 would be a familiar number indeed.
Good read...will you extend it into a book?
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Still no sixes...very intriguing first chapter. The reader has to pay close attention to the clues you dole out like Scrooge's compliments to Bob Cratchit.
It's a great idea and I really like how you weave things together from seemingly random circumstances to give us a look back as the present is being lived out.
I was going to comment on the clock being read in the mirror since it would read backward. However, since she reset the alarm every morning like (ahem) clockwork, 6:39 would be a familiar number indeed.
Good read...will you extend it into a book?
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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I've written ten chapters already and have a goal to finish it completely this summer. I even have a FS friend, Michele Harber, who is an editor extraordinaire, and I'm hiring her to work her magic on that facet of it. (Btw, keep her name in mind if you need any editing work) So, stay tuned!!
And you're so smart to catch those "clues" early on.
Thanks for the nice review, Dennis. xo
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MS. Harber is well known to me and often seeks my advice. I met her the same day I met you. ironically. :)
Comment from Thomas Bowling
An excellent start to what promises to be an interesting story. I'm hooked. I hope you post the rest. Phyllis Stewart and I are posting a new Bowl of Stew this Sunday. I hope you'll read it. It's a tongue-in-cheek advice column for FanStory members.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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An excellent start to what promises to be an interesting story. I'm hooked. I hope you post the rest. Phyllis Stewart and I are posting a new Bowl of Stew this Sunday. I hope you'll read it. It's a tongue-in-cheek advice column for FanStory members.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Ooh! I'll love that! Thanks for the heads-up, Thomas! xo
Comment from JudyE
You've opened up a hornet's nest here with lots of questions about how Vincent died and the circumstances surrounding his life and death. This is a great first chapter.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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You've opened up a hornet's nest here with lots of questions about how Vincent died and the circumstances surrounding his life and death. This is a great first chapter.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Thanks, Judy!
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
This is quite a tale you've penned here. It seems that Meg is the one trying to hold everything together after the loss of a child and a mother in a nursing home who is widowed. It does sound like her mother is being cared for well. It's so sad that she still has flashbacks when seeing other children. I can't even imagine how such a loss would affect someone. I really like this Meg. Did you model her after a real person perhaps? Someone you know? I like how this is developing. I also am enjoying your writing skills. You're developing your long writing pieces very well and are doing and excellent job with detail and the way you describe everything. I like this Rachelle and look forward to the next installment. Well done!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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This is quite a tale you've penned here. It seems that Meg is the one trying to hold everything together after the loss of a child and a mother in a nursing home who is widowed. It does sound like her mother is being cared for well. It's so sad that she still has flashbacks when seeing other children. I can't even imagine how such a loss would affect someone. I really like this Meg. Did you model her after a real person perhaps? Someone you know? I like how this is developing. I also am enjoying your writing skills. You're developing your long writing pieces very well and are doing and excellent job with detail and the way you describe everything. I like this Rachelle and look forward to the next installment. Well done!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Thanks, Jeffrey. Yes, that was nice of you to ask. Her personality is like that of the wife of one of my husband's childhood friends. She's never lost a child, thankfully, but she's always trying to fix things for everyone. That's a pretty hard job.
I appreciate all the thought and care that went into this review, Jeffrey. Thank you. xo
Comment from Debbie Pope
Wow! There is not a bit of wit in this one, Rachelle. It's heartbreaking. But I loved it. It makes me wonder if Vincent had autism. If so, he probably did not have much of a chance. I can't imagine anything more heartbreaking for a mother. And you tell the story so well. I love the details such as the pleated cup for the pills. You make it so real.
This is my favorite of all your pieces. Sorry I do not have any more six stars. I should have read this tomorrow.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Wow! There is not a bit of wit in this one, Rachelle. It's heartbreaking. But I loved it. It makes me wonder if Vincent had autism. If so, he probably did not have much of a chance. I can't imagine anything more heartbreaking for a mother. And you tell the story so well. I love the details such as the pleated cup for the pills. You make it so real.
This is my favorite of all your pieces. Sorry I do not have any more six stars. I should have read this tomorrow.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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You know that your words are more valuable to me, Debbie, than any additional star.
No, Vincent is a boy with impulsive ways, a quick temper, and who makes bad choices. It becomes his undoing in his twenties, but his mother never recognizes it as "his fault."
I really appreciate your warm and encouraging feedback here. I have ten chapters written of this book and am committed to finishing it this summer. After that, my immensely talented friend, Michele Harber, who's also on this site, is going to edit it for me. So stay tuned! xo
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I?ll have to check out Michele. I look forward to subsequent chapters. Vincent still sounds like an autistic boy that I know. The spectrum is so broad now.
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Well, that's true.
