Moving On Up
Little people have big days too18 total reviews
Comment from Sally Law
Love this and so much communicated in just 50 words. It is a scary thing to move up a grade. My very best to you and in the upcoming contest.
Kindest regards,
Sally :+)
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2019
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Love this and so much communicated in just 50 words. It is a scary thing to move up a grade. My very best to you and in the upcoming contest.
Kindest regards,
Sally :+)
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2019
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thank you!
Comment from Richard J
Ah,
But to be eight-years-old again, facing the scary unknown of the coming new school year.
For a kid, every new year holds the unknown to fret over as Summer ends and school begins.
Charming work ... I had to smile at that unsurpassable mountain picture choice, made from a child's imagined molehill of uncertainty.
A most worthy entry for the contest the judges should favor!
Sincere thanks for sharing such a true-to-life moment! ~ Richard : )
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2019
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Ah,
But to be eight-years-old again, facing the scary unknown of the coming new school year.
For a kid, every new year holds the unknown to fret over as Summer ends and school begins.
Charming work ... I had to smile at that unsurpassable mountain picture choice, made from a child's imagined molehill of uncertainty.
A most worthy entry for the contest the judges should favor!
Sincere thanks for sharing such a true-to-life moment! ~ Richard : )
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2019
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And thank you for your kind comments, made no doubt, from climbing a few mountains yourself. God bless
Many thank you's in return, Deniz. : )
You are sincerely welcome.
Comment from Mia Twysted
I read this to my nephew and he said that is exactly how he felt. His fears about entering the fourth grade are even bigger.
So, you had done a great job of expressing the feeling that kids having to grow and move up in the world. Nicely done.
Good luck
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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I read this to my nephew and he said that is exactly how he felt. His fears about entering the fourth grade are even bigger.
So, you had done a great job of expressing the feeling that kids having to grow and move up in the world. Nicely done.
Good luck
Comment Written 05-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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Thank you! God bless the boy...and you.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I can just imagine little Billy having such thoughts before heading back to school. Summer gone, and now a new scary challenge.
Very cute, and I definitely was surprised at the end - the hallmark of good flash-fiction.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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I can just imagine little Billy having such thoughts before heading back to school. Summer gone, and now a new scary challenge.
Very cute, and I definitely was surprised at the end - the hallmark of good flash-fiction.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 05-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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Thank you, Rhonda!
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You're welcome, Mystery Guy.
Comment from Alex Rosel
An interesting piece of flash fiction that expresses sentiments I'm sure many parents will be able to relate to. The image you've chosen to accompany this is intentionally oblique, increasing the impact of your final sentence.
Good luck with the competition :)
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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An interesting piece of flash fiction that expresses sentiments I'm sure many parents will be able to relate to. The image you've chosen to accompany this is intentionally oblique, increasing the impact of your final sentence.
Good luck with the competition :)
Comment Written 05-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Eve Vasa
Hi, I wish you luck in the contest and the publishing choices with this post were very appealing. I do have a suggestion for improvement. Passive Voice, you have a couple of examples here.
He had felt it coming on for most of the year.
Try: He felt it coming (on-unnecessary word) for most of the year.
And here: What had been challenges,
Try: What were challenges
Whether it's for the real world of literature, or here at FS, passive voice is not a good writing habit and best edited out of everything. Even poetry can be weighed down with clunky passive voice. But if you are looking for a publisher or agent, passive voice is a real 'no-no' as it is very time consuming to edit it out of a completed manuscript.
Nice to read your work today and have a good one, cheers.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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Hi, I wish you luck in the contest and the publishing choices with this post were very appealing. I do have a suggestion for improvement. Passive Voice, you have a couple of examples here.
He had felt it coming on for most of the year.
Try: He felt it coming (on-unnecessary word) for most of the year.
And here: What had been challenges,
Try: What were challenges
Whether it's for the real world of literature, or here at FS, passive voice is not a good writing habit and best edited out of everything. Even poetry can be weighed down with clunky passive voice. But if you are looking for a publisher or agent, passive voice is a real 'no-no' as it is very time consuming to edit it out of a completed manuscript.
Nice to read your work today and have a good one, cheers.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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Thank you, I will brush up on passive voice.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
What a great closing line. That was a surprise but a good and funny one. It's hard to tell a good story in 5000 words. Its formidable in 500 words but virtually impossible in 50 words. Good Job. -RZ-
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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What a great closing line. That was a surprise but a good and funny one. It's hard to tell a good story in 5000 words. Its formidable in 500 words but virtually impossible in 50 words. Good Job. -RZ-
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This one is really well-done: concise (obviously, prompt says 50 words),
uses a GREAT simile, and has a very cute surprising ending. Reminds me of when my grandson moved up to middle school.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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This one is really well-done: concise (obviously, prompt says 50 words),
uses a GREAT simile, and has a very cute surprising ending. Reminds me of when my grandson moved up to middle school.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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Thank you...entering third grade is challenging...to the second grader.
Comment from karenina
Awwwww. I can just see his little furrowed brow and the determination in his little hands as he picks up his backpack as if he were heading off to war... I have a third grader...Matt...who was none too happy after Kindergarten when he realized he had to GO BACK FOR TWELVE MORE YEARS! LOL---Karenina
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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Awwwww. I can just see his little furrowed brow and the determination in his little hands as he picks up his backpack as if he were heading off to war... I have a third grader...Matt...who was none too happy after Kindergarten when he realized he had to GO BACK FOR TWELVE MORE YEARS! LOL---Karenina
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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Thank you! Interesting; I have friends who had a little boy (now grown up and a married man) also named Matt or Matty. He couldn't wait for his first day of school and ran to the bus. He loved it and had a great day. But the next day, when they woke him up to get ready, he said, "I have to do it AGAIN? (LOL)
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Matt's are like that! Yeah, that's it! Giggle....Karenina
Comment from Rachelle Allen
This is great. Everything is relative, right? But you tricked us with that artwork you chose. We didn't realize it was a SYMBOLIC representation!! You clever writer, you! Good luck in the contest. I hope you do well with this fun read. xo
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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This is great. Everything is relative, right? But you tricked us with that artwork you chose. We didn't realize it was a SYMBOLIC representation!! You clever writer, you! Good luck in the contest. I hope you do well with this fun read. xo
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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Thank you so much! I was bitten by the O?Henry bug when I was but a lad and have loved surprise endings ever since.
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You and me both!!! My first exposure to him was The Gift of the Magi. How about you?
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I couldn't remember the titles so I looked them up and sure, the sacrificial giving of two lovers selling their most precious gifts...I remembered she sold her hair and he sold I think his treasured gold watch(?) to buy her silver combs for which she no longer had a use. Come to think of it, she bought him a gold chain for his watch.
When I Googled O'Henry's name. several titles came up I need to investigate.
Then this gem came up which I was looking for but couldn't remember the title.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=temSJCZwUlU Please check it out? Thanks! Dennis
