The Selkie's Song
My attempt at a story with difficult objects to include.2 total reviews
Comment from humpwhistle
This appears to have been quite a challenge. I'd probably have thought 'whale' rather than 'seal', but the selkie myth turned out to be a good choice. Also, I'd have interpreted the lobster pot to mean a lobster trap as opposed to a cooking pot. In any case, you spun a fine yarn.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
"I'll see you there(here?) next Midsummer's Eve if you would like."
reply by the author on 27-May-2019
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This appears to have been quite a challenge. I'd probably have thought 'whale' rather than 'seal', but the selkie myth turned out to be a good choice. Also, I'd have interpreted the lobster pot to mean a lobster trap as opposed to a cooking pot. In any case, you spun a fine yarn.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
"I'll see you there(here?) next Midsummer's Eve if you would like."
Comment Written 27-May-2019
reply by the author on 27-May-2019
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Thank you, humpwhistle, for your comments and feedback. It was a challenge to include those items in the story. I appreciate that you took the time to read my story. It means a lot.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Many thanks for entering the competition. You did a good job with the requirements set out, even using the paragraph in its entirety. Nice job.
A few things I noted down as I read through-
"Whatever for Sir?" Bryan asked.- maybe a comma before Sir here for direct addressment.
All I need is hot shower and fresh clothes.- is a hot?
"Take her to Torshavn. "I'm going to the com station."- you have an extra set of speech marks here.
It was a little absurd but could help it. - feels like a couple of words may be missing here - he couldn't help it?
"I don't understand. My mother died when I was an infant. - need closing speech marks here.
"That's what your father told you to avoid vicious rumors from spreading around the village - here too.
Kiera found my seal skin hidden in your father's workshop. She showed it to me, not knowing that it was mine, and that having my skin allowed me to return to the sea."- and opening ones needed here.
"Did you love the sea more than us? How could you leave Kiera and me when we were so little?' - make sure the opening and closing speech marks match.
hey knocked me on the head with the hakapik but wasn't dead or even unconscious. - you may need I after but.
I have to admit I was expecting more from the lobster pot aspect. It sort of got built up but turned out to be a plot contrivance which was a bit of a shame.
reply by the author on 27-May-2019
 |
Hi there,
Many thanks for entering the competition. You did a good job with the requirements set out, even using the paragraph in its entirety. Nice job.
A few things I noted down as I read through-
"Whatever for Sir?" Bryan asked.- maybe a comma before Sir here for direct addressment.
All I need is hot shower and fresh clothes.- is a hot?
"Take her to Torshavn. "I'm going to the com station."- you have an extra set of speech marks here.
It was a little absurd but could help it. - feels like a couple of words may be missing here - he couldn't help it?
"I don't understand. My mother died when I was an infant. - need closing speech marks here.
"That's what your father told you to avoid vicious rumors from spreading around the village - here too.
Kiera found my seal skin hidden in your father's workshop. She showed it to me, not knowing that it was mine, and that having my skin allowed me to return to the sea."- and opening ones needed here.
"Did you love the sea more than us? How could you leave Kiera and me when we were so little?' - make sure the opening and closing speech marks match.
hey knocked me on the head with the hakapik but wasn't dead or even unconscious. - you may need I after but.
I have to admit I was expecting more from the lobster pot aspect. It sort of got built up but turned out to be a plot contrivance which was a bit of a shame.
Comment Written 27-May-2019
reply by the author on 27-May-2019
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Thank you, giraffmang, for your feedback. I appreciate it a lot.
