A Light in the Darkness
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The White Truck"Young rookie detective is assigned a serial case
8 total reviews
Comment from Darlene BoClair
Indeed, do not compare the money loss with saying this story is a mess. The story is not a mess I believe to many readers. I continue to enjoy reading and experiencing detective life with Sarah. Sarah is a character with ambition, seeking the truth. Remembering her personal tragedy that will help her solve this crime has given her power.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2019
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Indeed, do not compare the money loss with saying this story is a mess. The story is not a mess I believe to many readers. I continue to enjoy reading and experiencing detective life with Sarah. Sarah is a character with ambition, seeking the truth. Remembering her personal tragedy that will help her solve this crime has given her power.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2019
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Thank so much. I'm glad you continue to enjoy it. Rox
Comment from Mistydawn
I don't know if you edited since you first posted but I didn't see any errors. I like how you showed Sara having difficulty with the case because of what happened to her. It makes her seem realistic. Could it be her stalker? Hmm. Not my final answer yet, lol. The story is well-written very realistic. I'm so glad I went back. Going to fan you so I can keep reading, I hope you don't mind.
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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I don't know if you edited since you first posted but I didn't see any errors. I like how you showed Sara having difficulty with the case because of what happened to her. It makes her seem realistic. Could it be her stalker? Hmm. Not my final answer yet, lol. The story is well-written very realistic. I'm so glad I went back. Going to fan you so I can keep reading, I hope you don't mind.
Comment Written 28-May-2019
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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You'll have to stay for the answers. Thanks so much dear. Rox
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, it's not a mess. It;s actually very well written, it'a bit on the long sise but you made up for that very nicely. Yeah, I liked it a lot and I'm looking forward to reading along. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 26-May-2019
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Hi there, it's not a mess. It;s actually very well written, it'a bit on the long sise but you made up for that very nicely. Yeah, I liked it a lot and I'm looking forward to reading along. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 26-May-2019
reply by the author on 26-May-2019
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Thanks so much Ulla, you really encouraged me. =} Rox
Comment from WryWriter
I love this! You already have me hooked and wanting to read more. It is not a mess. Don't pull it, just click on edit and edit what you want. I put some suggestions below for your consideration:
said a defensive detective Marks. (His actions and words show he is defensive, think I would ((omit a defensive detective)) and just use "said detective Marks.")
She didn't want the Chief to pull her off ((the case)).
"We have come to accept that she may be dead. We just need to know what happened to her," Janet Harris's voice broke.
(("We have come to accept that she may be...dead." Janet Harris's voice broke. "We just need...to know what happened to her."))
"Do we have video surveillance on Madison? If we can just get one frame of that white truck, ((omit we can)) maybe get a make or model, maybe even a license number," said Sarah
Enjoyed reading your story!! Keep up the great work!!
reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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I love this! You already have me hooked and wanting to read more. It is not a mess. Don't pull it, just click on edit and edit what you want. I put some suggestions below for your consideration:
said a defensive detective Marks. (His actions and words show he is defensive, think I would ((omit a defensive detective)) and just use "said detective Marks.")
She didn't want the Chief to pull her off ((the case)).
"We have come to accept that she may be dead. We just need to know what happened to her," Janet Harris's voice broke.
(("We have come to accept that she may be...dead." Janet Harris's voice broke. "We just need...to know what happened to her."))
"Do we have video surveillance on Madison? If we can just get one frame of that white truck, ((omit we can)) maybe get a make or model, maybe even a license number," said Sarah
Enjoyed reading your story!! Keep up the great work!!
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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Thank you so much!! I made the changes you suggested and I think it made the story read better. I appreciate the help and the encouragement.
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Glad I could help in some small way. You did all the work!! LOL! : )
Comment from WalkerMan
First, this NOT a "mess" by any means. It is clearly written, flows steadily and logically, has realistic dialog for plausible situations, and is interesting to read. (I am coming in midstream, and don't know how much time I'll have to read more chapters, but I like it and the
main character, Sarah.) Superb, and aptly illustrated.
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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First, this NOT a "mess" by any means. It is clearly written, flows steadily and logically, has realistic dialog for plausible situations, and is interesting to read. (I am coming in midstream, and don't know how much time I'll have to read more chapters, but I like it and the
main character, Sarah.) Superb, and aptly illustrated.
Comment Written 23-May-2019
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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Oh my goodness, you did so much work! Thank you so much!!! That was a huge help. I am always happy to get corrections so the next person who reads it thinks I'm much smarter than I am. =} I do really appreciate you doing that and I hope I made all the correction correctly. =} I did change some of the story so a few of these were no longer there.
I am constantly messing with my stuff, I am a crafter and do the same thing with them. I used to have to hide the crafts I was selling or giving away until needed or I never stopped working on them. I drive myself nuts. I have a card shop online and I am always 'fixing' my cards. ={
Anyway, really thank you so much. Can you 'fan' me and do this on all my stuff? Just kidding, you won't have time for anything else.
I also appreciate your doing this and your encouraging words as I had just been told it was bad and boring. I did try to make changes, but felt it might be hopeless, so you really encouraged me. Thank you again. I wish I had put more money on it, you earned way more than you got. Have a good evening. Rox
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You are most welcome, Rox. I am glad to have helped with technicalities, while you focused on other aspects. The post is much improved now, and I have removed my technical comments to leave you a clean review. This is an interesting story; and, besides fixing technical details, you have made it more vivid. -- Mike
Comment from royowen
I wonder why Don had said what he said? Is he a suspect? And I wonder if she'll latch, it wouldn't be the first time. These cold cases are the toughes to investigate, there is normally a branch is there not! Well done Rox, this is an excellent story, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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I wonder why Don had said what he said? Is he a suspect? And I wonder if she'll latch, it wouldn't be the first time. These cold cases are the toughes to investigate, there is normally a branch is there not! Well done Rox, this is an excellent story, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 23-May-2019
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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I wouldn't want to have to solve them, but they do. With modern tech now they are solving very old cases, there are still 1000s that go unsolved. But the Lord knows and He'll take care of it. =} Thanks so much. Rox
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Well done Rox
Comment from Sandra Montanino
I really like the rhythm of the story and the interaction between the characters. I would just make one suggestion: The word "detective" is not capitalized, just like the president is not capitalized unless you use his name like in President Trump. Anyway, I love a good mystery. Nice work!
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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I really like the rhythm of the story and the interaction between the characters. I would just make one suggestion: The word "detective" is not capitalized, just like the president is not capitalized unless you use his name like in President Trump. Anyway, I love a good mystery. Nice work!
Comment Written 23-May-2019
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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Thank you. I had disable this chapter because I was told it needed much work and was boring. I 'enabled' if that's the right word, for a while to work on it, but gave up. So I am very surprised by your review. =} I was totally expecting it to be bad. So thanks so much. Rox
Comment from Sally Law
I see improvements and added embellishments to the storyline from the first draft. I would continue to fill in the character of Madison Harris and her associations so we can follow along as readers to solve the case with you. You gave us a juicy piece of information, the white truck was sighted months before her kidnapping. Good stuff.
Always my best,
Sal xo
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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I see improvements and added embellishments to the storyline from the first draft. I would continue to fill in the character of Madison Harris and her associations so we can follow along as readers to solve the case with you. You gave us a juicy piece of information, the white truck was sighted months before her kidnapping. Good stuff.
Always my best,
Sal xo
Comment Written 23-May-2019
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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Okay, I'll look at it again. Thanks so much.
