I Remember
The love of my soul I see every day.10 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a sad poem. I think the emotion would have been lost if you made it flowery. This shows how mental illness affects a family and how horribly mental illness was treated in the past. It is a young age to lose a mother
in that way.
Congrats on placing third in the contest.
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 19-May-2019
  |
This is a sad poem. I think the emotion would have been lost if you made it flowery. This shows how mental illness affects a family and how horribly mental illness was treated in the past. It is a young age to lose a mother
in that way.
Congrats on placing third in the contest.
dragonpoet
Comment Written 19-May-2019
reply by the author on 19-May-2019
-
Thank you. It was a sad time in life, but we survived as a family.
-
You're welcome. I am glad you did. Some don't.
Joan
Comment from aryr
Good luck in the contest Jose. This was very well done. It was full of anxiety and doubt and fear. It was a heavy responsibility for a young child with siblings. She was seeking freedom from herself and the world and unfortunately the price meant you had to be there. Very well done.
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
|
Good luck in the contest Jose. This was very well done. It was full of anxiety and doubt and fear. It was a heavy responsibility for a young child with siblings. She was seeking freedom from herself and the world and unfortunately the price meant you had to be there. Very well done.
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
-
Thanks Alie. Life isn't the same for everyone, but we survive and get stronger for it. Glad it moved you.
-
You are so welcome Jose, I agree we survive and do become stronger.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Oh, this was both beautiful and heart-breaking, Jose... you've got me all choked up. You are such a special and strong person to have been there for and watched your mom go through things at such a young age...no wonder you carry such a wonderful heart in your pen.... there's a piece of her in there as well as in your eyes. :) An awesome offering for this one, Jose... hard to top in any form!! :) :) Yvette :)
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2019
 |
Oh, this was both beautiful and heart-breaking, Jose... you've got me all choked up. You are such a special and strong person to have been there for and watched your mom go through things at such a young age...no wonder you carry such a wonderful heart in your pen.... there's a piece of her in there as well as in your eyes. :) An awesome offering for this one, Jose... hard to top in any form!! :) :) Yvette :)
Comment Written 30-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2019
-
Thank you Yvette. Couldn't make it a pretty poem because mom suffered a lot as did the family. Thank you for the stars I know she is smiling. :)
Comment from Sally Law
Dear poet, a bittersweet remembrance you have penned here of your mother's life. I am so sorry you saw so many harsh realities. I pray the healing of Christ to sponge away these painful memories.
A few fixable nits.
Tight-down bed...is that maybe tied-down bed?
Also, "but face(d) them until you could not. I would used "faced" here grammatically, and for better flow.
As always, penned with such depth of heart and soul. My best to you and yours and in the contest.
Sally :+)
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
Dear poet, a bittersweet remembrance you have penned here of your mother's life. I am so sorry you saw so many harsh realities. I pray the healing of Christ to sponge away these painful memories.
A few fixable nits.
Tight-down bed...is that maybe tied-down bed?
Also, "but face(d) them until you could not. I would used "faced" here grammatically, and for better flow.
As always, penned with such depth of heart and soul. My best to you and yours and in the contest.
Sally :+)
Comment Written 29-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
I tried to write a heartwarming rhyming poem, but every time I started I didn't like what I was writing. Until I let go and wrote from the heart. The words spilled over with the tears running down my face. I hurts still Sally, but I knew Mom would want that. Yet, I know I will not be even seen. Mother's Day is for pretty poems not poems of life's harsh reality. Thank you for the nits. I posted it after I finished writing it.
-
It was from your heart, obviously. I hated to suggest nits but I did not want this overlooked by critical eyes because of those little things and miss what was truly important. You did a great job, dear poet.
Sal :+)
Comment from Earl Corp
I get it. There are just some things in life you can't make nice and flowery, no matter how hard you try. This had to have been hard to write. Thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
I get it. There are just some things in life you can't make nice and flowery, no matter how hard you try. This had to have been hard to write. Thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Thank you Earl.
Comment from oliver818
I enjoyed your poem. It flows well and has a nice feel to it. It's obviously quite personal yet easy to relate to. Thanks for sharing this and have yourself a great day
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
I enjoyed your poem. It flows well and has a nice feel to it. It's obviously quite personal yet easy to relate to. Thanks for sharing this and have yourself a great day
Comment Written 29-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Thank you Oliver. Just life's harsh reality.
Comment from Beri Bee
Thank you for sharing this absolutely heartbreaking memory in poetic form. You've done a good job taking the reader there and allowing insight and feelings to be shared. I can only imagine. I'm so sorry.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
Thank you for sharing this absolutely heartbreaking memory in poetic form. You've done a good job taking the reader there and allowing insight and feelings to be shared. I can only imagine. I'm so sorry.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Thank you BeriBee. Not everyone in life is the same.
-
Wise words!
Comment from Willie P. Smith
As I've told others, I prefer poems that rhyme, however;
this post caught my eye and I'm glad I took the time to read it. It tells a great story of love. Very well written.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
As I've told others, I prefer poems that rhyme, however;
this post caught my eye and I'm glad I took the time to read it. It tells a great story of love. Very well written.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Thanks Willie. I wanted to write it in rhyme but it felt forced, I didn't feel it. So I let myself go and wrote my tears.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
There's much sadness in your words here and I am not sure if your Mother died or just left you when you were twelve, but you remember this incident in your heart, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
There's much sadness in your words here and I am not sure if your Mother died or just left you when you were twelve, but you remember this incident in your heart, love Dolly x
Comment Written 29-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Thank you Dolly. Mom passed away 20 years later, she was 52.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
You being a mere boy could not help your save your beloved mom; she left for good in the rocking chair; you miss her love, caring and Mona Lisa smile; well said, well done. Thank you for sharing. Keep Writing Inspire Changing -- DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
You being a mere boy could not help your save your beloved mom; she left for good in the rocking chair; you miss her love, caring and Mona Lisa smile; well said, well done. Thank you for sharing. Keep Writing Inspire Changing -- DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 29-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Thank Al.
