Recapturing 1968
A sad chapter of past and present.18 total reviews
Comment from annh
Found it at last! Bloody brilliant!! Such an unexpected and outside-the-square take on Charlie. Very naturalistic internal monologue which flows really well. Great diction. Cheers, annh
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Found it at last! Bloody brilliant!! Such an unexpected and outside-the-square take on Charlie. Very naturalistic internal monologue which flows really well. Great diction. Cheers, annh
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Sounds like you admire this war story like I admire your Rue de la Mort. I wonder why we women write about war better than the blokes do?
Comment from RodG
Lisa, you definitely deserve the red ribbon for this numbing story about one soldier's relationship with "Charlie." You capture the smells, sounds, and sights of that horrible war perfectly. I'm impressed with how you got inside the soldier's head THROUGHOUT the story and you used military jargon impressively. Most important, you evoked empathy for ALL casualties of that stinking war. This may be the BEST prose piece of yours I have read yet. Again, congratulations on your victory. Rod
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Lisa, you definitely deserve the red ribbon for this numbing story about one soldier's relationship with "Charlie." You capture the smells, sounds, and sights of that horrible war perfectly. I'm impressed with how you got inside the soldier's head THROUGHOUT the story and you used military jargon impressively. Most important, you evoked empathy for ALL casualties of that stinking war. This may be the BEST prose piece of yours I have read yet. Again, congratulations on your victory. Rod
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Wowee, high praise. Thanks Rod... I knew I had crafted a good one. I made myself anxious writing it because I know that war had a terrible impact on so many people and I did not want to offend by any inaccuracies. I was strongly influenced by a song that was popular in Australia back then. It's on Youtube and well worth a listen. It's called "I was only nineteen" by a group called Redgum. Watch the version that has film footage because it also has the lyrics, which are rather Australian and may not be understood by other nationalities, place names etc. Once again, thanks so much for the 6 rating.
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You are very welcome. I should also say you were able to adopt a MALE PERSONA so very well. That is not easy. My wife laughs at my first-person ?voice? in my La Tigre stories.
Your story is sensational and deserves all the kudos and votes it got. Rod
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Another reviewer thought it wasn't personal enough, don't know at all how I could have made it any more personal. (I'd be interested in your thoughts on that... check into ratings and see what he wrote.)
The male persona comes quite naturally to me. I think I think like a man (up to a point). I will have to check out your La Tigre stories.
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I will look at hisreview. I cannot see how this could be any more personal.
Rod
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I just found a Le Tigre story... she shot someone in a stairwell. You write those short, sharp stories really well. Great dialogue, bitch.
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Thank you! Never been called that before and love it!
As for being more ?personal,? I read your reviews and feel you could not have gotten into your character any better. Rod
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I'm not likely to call you that again, so don't like it too much!
I was just perplexed by that reviewers comments and as he is a highly rated writer I was wondering if I was missing something in my own writing. Thanks for your supportive comments.
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Lisa, don?t let it bother you. FIFTEEN voters plus yours truly say he was wrong. Rod
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Yes indeed, I was delighted with that! And I must say, I value your opinion highly.
Comment from Randa Dayle
I think that this is a great tribute to our Vietnam Veterans. I liked the horrific details. Sometimes we have to be brutally honest. Great job and continue sharing with us!
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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I think that this is a great tribute to our Vietnam Veterans. I liked the horrific details. Sometimes we have to be brutally honest. Great job and continue sharing with us!
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Even though I hated writing these gory details I thought they were necessary in the storytelling, to be brutally honest as you say.
Thanks for your generous review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Your story creates lots of emotions. You did an excellent job with your descriptions of the sounds going on around you. It was a bad time in our country and others. I was glad to read this wasn't your personal story. Have a good afternoon. Shirley
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Your story creates lots of emotions. You did an excellent job with your descriptions of the sounds going on around you. It was a bad time in our country and others. I was glad to read this wasn't your personal story. Have a good afternoon. Shirley
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thanks for putting yourself through reading my story Shirley, and the generous review. I am a woman and a pacifist (because of that war)... I hope that is the closest I ever get to a war zone! Our boys in Australia at that time had compulsory conscription and some I knew were sent there.
Comment from DragonSkulls
Fantastic write, author. That's odd, when I saw this contest, this is exactly what I though of as Charlie as well. Good thing I stayed out though, lol. Excellent writing. Clearly the best of the bunch. You'll get my vote once I'm done here. Best of luck but I'm sure won't be needing it. Again, fantastic.
Ron
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Fantastic write, author. That's odd, when I saw this contest, this is exactly what I though of as Charlie as well. Good thing I stayed out though, lol. Excellent writing. Clearly the best of the bunch. You'll get my vote once I'm done here. Best of luck but I'm sure won't be needing it. Again, fantastic.
Ron
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Not odd, methinks we're on same page sometimes.
I applaud your recognition of my good writing (tongue in cheek, giving cheek). Plus I love star-gazing, so thanks for putting 'em up there for me.
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Any time, author. I always appreciate people on here with talent. These contests are the best way to show such. Great piece.
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Cheers, x
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This poem is a powerful tribute to all of those, some of them my classmates who fought in that terrible war. I like your unique perspective on the assignment. your will certainly draw in the readers who are vets or relatives of vets from any war. They were all of the same. The only elements which differed were the characters, weapons, locations. The purpose of every war, the propulsion and the outcome are all the same. Well written. I am voting for this. I was a teacher so I'm giving you A+.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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This poem is a powerful tribute to all of those, some of them my classmates who fought in that terrible war. I like your unique perspective on the assignment. your will certainly draw in the readers who are vets or relatives of vets from any war. They were all of the same. The only elements which differed were the characters, weapons, locations. The purpose of every war, the propulsion and the outcome are all the same. Well written. I am voting for this. I was a teacher so I'm giving you A+.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thanks so much, teach. I appreciate those stars very much.
In choosing that subject, I was very aware how traumatic (and still is) for many amongst us, so I was rather uncertain to go ahead with it. But as it was the first idea that leapt into my head I trusted the instinct that it would make a good story, while also challenging myself as a writer when I went in to do battle with it. Because I am a woman and a pacifist and would run a mile (probably) if I had to pick up a gun!
Comment from humpwhistle
I like your choice of topic for this prompt. Ambitious.
I wonder though if you might have tossed in a bunch of broad research
when you could have brought it down to something more immediate, more personal. War is always personal.
Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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I like your choice of topic for this prompt. Ambitious.
I wonder though if you might have tossed in a bunch of broad research
when you could have brought it down to something more immediate, more personal. War is always personal.
Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thanks for your generous review. I knew it was an ambitious topic when I went in that direction as I am peace-loving woman with no experience of war and would never touch a gun (I think, but I've never been conscripted or had an enemy in my face.).
I am intrigued as to how I could make the story more personal? I have written it in the first person and the events that are described seem very personal to my way of thinking as the narrator is telling of his injuries and nightmares and personal experiences. Could you advise me please about how the story-telling could achieve more immediacy?
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Oh, far be it from me to suggest how you might write. By 'make it more personal' I was thinking about a wounded boy on the ground, rather than a geopolitical treatise. You don't know from the politics of war. But you know suffering. Personal suffering. The best writing is the kind that hovers closest to the ground. I realize I'm not talking about your story. But maybe next time, you'll focus on the personal. Just a suggestion. L
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But I absolutely have written about a wounded boy on the ground in my story. The notes below are there to give it context.
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Yes, but notes aren't integral to the story. I'm suggesting you spent too little ink on the wounded soldier, and too much on history. That's what I meant about making your story more 'personal'.
I was just suggesting.
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Thanks. I really do appreciate your point of view. It adds to a wider awareness of how people react to what I write... all useful knowledge for learning.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You speak here with great knowledge that I felt sure that this was a personal experience, but nevertheless it is well written and frightening and I am sure that many who were involved would identify, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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You speak here with great knowledge that I felt sure that this was a personal experience, but nevertheless it is well written and frightening and I am sure that many who were involved would identify, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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I am so glad I wasn't there! Writing about it was bad enough.
Thanks for your review. I appreciate that you put yourself through the horror.
Comment from Bill Schott
This was a gritty and intense narrative of a survivor's memories during this Vietnam scene. The closing statement of still seeing Charlie is a poignant reminder of those who still live out that conflict in their minds.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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This was a gritty and intense narrative of a survivor's memories during this Vietnam scene. The closing statement of still seeing Charlie is a poignant reminder of those who still live out that conflict in their minds.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Your review is accurate. What you have mentioned is what I was trying to recapture, to show the lingering damage done after such ghastly experiences. I am a pacifist, brought on by being an impressionable teenager during the Vietnam conflict and seeing the news on telly in Australia. We had compulsory call-up during that time for young men and I just thought it was WRONG. I do accept that military intervention is necessary at times but it is still so WRONG to kill and I will never be comfortable around guns. My rant for the day.
Comment from Lance S. Loria
A well written and realistic account of the Vietnam era war. Helicopters were first used in battle in Viet Nam. Good artwork too. No edits or adjustments necessary.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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A well written and realistic account of the Vietnam era war. Helicopters were first used in battle in Viet Nam. Good artwork too. No edits or adjustments necessary.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thanks for reviewing Lance. It sure took a long time between Leonardo Da Vinci drawing the idea and 'copters being the workhorses in Vietnam battle, after ambulance duty in Korean War.
