St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "St. Louis Chapter 4 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
20 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm so sorry, Barbara, I don't know how I missed this chapter. I've got so many to catch up with. I thought this part was so well done, you certainly know your pool! I loved the way Mac flirted her way through the game, and she can really play too! This is a really good story, quite different to the last three I've read of yours. At least reading it today, I don't have long to wait for the next part! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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I'm so sorry, Barbara, I don't know how I missed this chapter. I've got so many to catch up with. I thought this part was so well done, you certainly know your pool! I loved the way Mac flirted her way through the game, and she can really play too! This is a really good story, quite different to the last three I've read of yours. At least reading it today, I don't have long to wait for the next part! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 13-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from light
McKenzie is doing a great job being slutty. I think she has convinced everyone in the bar that she might go home with them. It's a good thing she has someone to keep an eye on her. Getting more interesting with each chapter.
Elaine
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2019
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McKenzie is doing a great job being slutty. I think she has convinced everyone in the bar that she might go home with them. It's a good thing she has someone to keep an eye on her. Getting more interesting with each chapter.
Elaine
Comment Written 11-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the encouraging words.
Comment from giraffmang
Personally, I think your extrapolation about the paratroopers screws around with the pacing. It's also completely unnecessary. if folk don't know what paratroopers do, there's a thing called a dictionary. It sound very unnatural to me in the dialogue. A footnote could have been incorporated and worked much better.
it's like going up to Stephen King and moaning because you don't know what a Plymouth Fury is. Or George RR Martin and moaning you couldn't find Westeros on a map....
Some nice character details in this bit in the pool hall.
"It's tails. Jose, breaks." - no need for the comma after Jose as it's part of the sentence but not a direct addressing.
Maybe find an alternative for rear-end it became repetitive and distracting (not in a good way!).
All the best
G
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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Personally, I think your extrapolation about the paratroopers screws around with the pacing. It's also completely unnecessary. if folk don't know what paratroopers do, there's a thing called a dictionary. It sound very unnatural to me in the dialogue. A footnote could have been incorporated and worked much better.
it's like going up to Stephen King and moaning because you don't know what a Plymouth Fury is. Or George RR Martin and moaning you couldn't find Westeros on a map....
Some nice character details in this bit in the pool hall.
"It's tails. Jose, breaks." - no need for the comma after Jose as it's part of the sentence but not a direct addressing.
Maybe find an alternative for rear-end it became repetitive and distracting (not in a good way!).
All the best
G
Comment Written 11-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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I will work on the repeative rear-end. I trust your judgement and went back to my original plan of not having the discussion about the 82nd Airborne. Thank you.
Comment from Rhonda Skinner
This was a fun chapter. She's quite the actress! Just noticed a couple spots where you need to make two separate sentences:
-"What is it best out of three?
-Sammie, now don't get all dreamy eyed, you're mine.
I also have a rules question.
"Tommy pocketed the seven along with the eight ball and hung his head. "I guess it ain't our night." If he sunk the eight ball before his team had sunk the rest of their balls, wouldn't they automatically lose the game?
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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This was a fun chapter. She's quite the actress! Just noticed a couple spots where you need to make two separate sentences:
-"What is it best out of three?
-Sammie, now don't get all dreamy eyed, you're mine.
I also have a rules question.
"Tommy pocketed the seven along with the eight ball and hung his head. "I guess it ain't our night." If he sunk the eight ball before his team had sunk the rest of their balls, wouldn't they automatically lose the game?
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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They did lose. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bhogg
"So it's part of your (, after so)
few fake tatts,(might be right, but don't know about tatts. Maybe tats?)
What is it best out of three ( comma after it?)
As all your posts, extremely well written. Moved me right through, disappointed when it ended. Bill
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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"So it's part of your (, after so)
few fake tatts,(might be right, but don't know about tatts. Maybe tats?)
What is it best out of three ( comma after it?)
As all your posts, extremely well written. Moved me right through, disappointed when it ended. Bill
Comment Written 09-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Tatts is correct. I will see about that comma. I appreciate your review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
My you certainty know how to us readers attention of how clever Mac can be to attract men. I love the dialogue and smiles to this- showing us how Mac is a pro playing pool
and knows how to lure men.
Gert
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Hello Barb
My you certainty know how to us readers attention of how clever Mac can be to attract men. I love the dialogue and smiles to this- showing us how Mac is a pro playing pool
and knows how to lure men.
Gert
Comment Written 09-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You are welcome Barb
Gert
Comment from sandragee
We get to see Mac do some undercover work. If the object was to distract the men, then she certainly did that with some sass, wiggling and a lot of kissing. You created a whole new, fun character for Mac to play for the undercover assignment, and the dialogue coming out of Mac/Sammie was great.
Good chapter.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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We get to see Mac do some undercover work. If the object was to distract the men, then she certainly did that with some sass, wiggling and a lot of kissing. You created a whole new, fun character for Mac to play for the undercover assignment, and the dialogue coming out of Mac/Sammie was great.
Good chapter.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. All of this will become important.
Comment from judiverse
This is excellent. It seems that Mac is enjoying her undercover work. Maybe I'm dense, but I couldn't tell whether she or Jose actually learned anything. Mac really went through a lot of preparation before meeting Jose, even to the fake tats. She was pretty wise not to drink anything, after her latest experience. Interesting developments. judi
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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This is excellent. It seems that Mac is enjoying her undercover work. Maybe I'm dense, but I couldn't tell whether she or Jose actually learned anything. Mac really went through a lot of preparation before meeting Jose, even to the fake tats. She was pretty wise not to drink anything, after her latest experience. Interesting developments. judi
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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More information about that undercover venture will come out in my next two posts. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome. Enjoyed the details you presented about her undercover work. judi
Comment from SLMorrical
First cute picture. This is a great edition to the last chapter. I am glad she has learned not to take a drink. Mac is definitely a brave woman, and a tough woman. She sure got those men interested in her. I don't think I understand the undercover job. I found this an interesting chapter and I am intrigued to read more. Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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First cute picture. This is a great edition to the last chapter. I am glad she has learned not to take a drink. Mac is definitely a brave woman, and a tough woman. She sure got those men interested in her. I don't think I understand the undercover job. I found this an interesting chapter and I am intrigued to read more. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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More information will be forthcoming. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
So Mackenzie enjoys that, huh? She acts like a slut, which is the job, but she seems to enjoy it a bit too much. I see no sign that she doesn't. Should I?
You seem to know a lot about pool. We have a table but haven't played for years, since my kid and her friends made good use of it in her high school years.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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So Mackenzie enjoys that, huh? She acts like a slut, which is the job, but she seems to enjoy it a bit too much. I see no sign that she doesn't. Should I?
You seem to know a lot about pool. We have a table but haven't played for years, since my kid and her friends made good use of it in her high school years.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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I used to play in college, but not much since. I think it will come out in the next two posts. Thank you for the kind review.
