Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Backstabbers"Shenanigans on the frontier
21 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
This was a great installment to your novel. It was easy to follow along because of all the references; before and after in author notes. The narrative and dialogues were good. Well thought out. Clearly written. Creative. Nice work.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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This was a great installment to your novel. It was easy to follow along because of all the references; before and after in author notes. The narrative and dialogues were good. Well thought out. Clearly written. Creative. Nice work.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Thank you very much. I don't know if you read the earlier chapters but numver one is some of my best work. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Joy Graham
Hello Earl,
I popped in to check out your story. I enjoyed it and hope to read future chapters. Even though I am jumping in cold, I enjoyed the characters and storyline. Just like television shows, I believe a good promotion will pull viewers and readers in despite it not being the very beginning. That's when and how you get folks to binge-watch previous episodes or binge-read previous chapters. It's all in how appealing you, the writer, makes it. You catch more flies with honey. This site has a wide variety of fans. Our work may not appeal to all, but we can introduce them to our style of writing and turn them into fans of our work. Newbies to the site would appreciate a gracious author that welcomes them with open arms and gentle instructions.
Anyway, I enjoyed this chapter and look forward to reading more.
Sincerely Joy xx
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2019
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Hello Earl,
I popped in to check out your story. I enjoyed it and hope to read future chapters. Even though I am jumping in cold, I enjoyed the characters and storyline. Just like television shows, I believe a good promotion will pull viewers and readers in despite it not being the very beginning. That's when and how you get folks to binge-watch previous episodes or binge-read previous chapters. It's all in how appealing you, the writer, makes it. You catch more flies with honey. This site has a wide variety of fans. Our work may not appeal to all, but we can introduce them to our style of writing and turn them into fans of our work. Newbies to the site would appreciate a gracious author that welcomes them with open arms and gentle instructions.
Anyway, I enjoyed this chapter and look forward to reading more.
Sincerely Joy xx
Comment Written 19-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2019
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How could I do the promotion you're talking about? I thought I had done all I could to promote it. I'd like to think I welcome Newbies because I know what goes around comes around. One thing is I'm getting a lot of conflicting reviews- It's too long, I like it long; don't use jargon, I think your authentic jargon adds to the story.Do you know what I mean? I try to read everybody who fans me stuff. If you have any suggestions how I can improve I'd appreciate it. Thanks for reading and reviewing my work.
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I'm thinking about author comments. It's like the reader is being accused before they have even read your work. I'm sorry folks complain about the length or not knowing what is going on. A good chapter should grab the reader so they feel the action all around them. I've heard other authors say their chapters can stand alone. Anyway, it's your writers privilege to ignore my comments. I'm just one voice on this site.
Comment from called2rite
Your right, maybe a person needs to read the first 5 chapters to get a connection between the first part and the second part of the chapter. I haven't found a connection between Godfrey and Fox/Do and Zach. I did see where the Shawnees were mentioned in both of them, so maybe that is the connection. You did a great job of introducing the fact that granny was telling her grandsons stories. It definitely has the possibility of being a great story full of intrigue and imagination. comment made by called2rite on 3-19-19
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Your right, maybe a person needs to read the first 5 chapters to get a connection between the first part and the second part of the chapter. I haven't found a connection between Godfrey and Fox/Do and Zach. I did see where the Shawnees were mentioned in both of them, so maybe that is the connection. You did a great job of introducing the fact that granny was telling her grandsons stories. It definitely has the possibility of being a great story full of intrigue and imagination. comment made by called2rite on 3-19-19
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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May I ask what you found deficient in my story that it deserved a four star rating? What could i have improved?
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Is there a connection between the Godfrey/Fox and the Doo and Zach stories? Is it another story? That is my reasoning. Willing to listen. called2rite.
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If you read the chapter before this one the relationship between Doo and Zach is explained, it's also explained in the character list. Godfrey/Fox is a direct reaction to an event that occurred in the last chapter.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to explain. Would making Doo and Zach another chapter be beneficial? Just wondering.
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Zach won't play a major role again, though he will appear later, but in a minor role. I guess i deserve the rating because the chapter can't stand on it's own merits.
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I do appreciate your answering my questions. Keep on writing. It really sounds interesting.
Comment from Bill Schott
This seems to be like an island in the stream where all the parties have arrived and are now ready to go at it on the other side of this settlement. Why they keep messing with these Shawnee is beyond me though.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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This seems to be like an island in the stream where all the parties have arrived and are now ready to go at it on the other side of this settlement. Why they keep messing with these Shawnee is beyond me though.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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They're going to go at it, but not in the settlement. Stay tuned for further developments. Thank you for reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from tfawcus
The characterisation and the dialogue make this an interesting read. I'm in for the first time, so have a bit of catching up to do.
There were just a couple of small things you might like to look at:
Godfrey didn't believe the tale and didn't find it particularly heroic, though he didn't voice this opinion to anyone.
You've used 'didn't' three times in a row, and that might benefit from rephrasing.
Taking (He took) a swig of ale from the tankard before him, then he daintily wiped his mouth with a napkin.
The description of the Shawnee way of dealing with the knife wound came across as being authentic and well researched.
I enjoyed reading this chapter.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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The characterisation and the dialogue make this an interesting read. I'm in for the first time, so have a bit of catching up to do.
There were just a couple of small things you might like to look at:
Godfrey didn't believe the tale and didn't find it particularly heroic, though he didn't voice this opinion to anyone.
You've used 'didn't' three times in a row, and that might benefit from rephrasing.
Taking (He took) a swig of ale from the tankard before him, then he daintily wiped his mouth with a napkin.
The description of the Shawnee way of dealing with the knife wound came across as being authentic and well researched.
I enjoyed reading this chapter.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Thank you for giving me some editing tips. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work
Comment from RGstar
Just popped in to the Story choices here on return after absence. Good to read. I detect aura and with dialect, and some try but not truly find the balance. I You managed that here. Characters seem well in, and natural to follow in perceiving imagery around hem. All in all though not familiar with the storyline, a pleasant read.
Hope to come in again when time.
My best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Just popped in to the Story choices here on return after absence. Good to read. I detect aura and with dialect, and some try but not truly find the balance. I You managed that here. Characters seem well in, and natural to follow in perceiving imagery around hem. All in all though not familiar with the storyline, a pleasant read.
Hope to come in again when time.
My best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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I'd appreciate you reading the first chapters to catch up. Thank you for reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from Catmusings
I enjoyed reading this. True that it's not a genre I'm familiar with reading and it's part of a bigger piece so I didn't get the whole gist of the story with that first part of the grandmother narrating to her grandchildren which was intriguing.
I did find this excerpt very exciting and well written. The characters were distinctive and I liked Mighty Beaver's character especially. The dialogue was authentic and the setting and time period so well described, that I could see it all. Well done!
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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I enjoyed reading this. True that it's not a genre I'm familiar with reading and it's part of a bigger piece so I didn't get the whole gist of the story with that first part of the grandmother narrating to her grandchildren which was intriguing.
I did find this excerpt very exciting and well written. The characters were distinctive and I liked Mighty Beaver's character especially. The dialogue was authentic and the setting and time period so well described, that I could see it all. Well done!
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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I appreciate you giving it a try. If you're interested you can go back and catch up. Thank you for reading and reviewing .
Comment from LaFrance
Earl, a great chapter. The story and characters are developing nicely, I'm enjoying the dialogue and your description of the action that is happening. It's keeping my interest.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Earl, a great chapter. The story and characters are developing nicely, I'm enjoying the dialogue and your description of the action that is happening. It's keeping my interest.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Thank you. Stay tuned it's about to get interesting. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good writing... nice style. I get the gist of the story, but may have to skim earlier chapters. Normally, I don't care for old west stories, but this has potential. Have fun!
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Good writing... nice style. I get the gist of the story, but may have to skim earlier chapters. Normally, I don't care for old west stories, but this has potential. Have fun!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Thank you for giving it a try Stay tuned it's about to get interesting. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I love your Western story, Earl.
I've just happened upon the book, namely because the chapter showed up first on the list. But, I liked it, and am going back to read the first chapters.
I like the way it feels and sounds authentic. It's cute the way the father wants the boy to learn to swim, and a good thing, too if he wants Janie.
One slight suggestion: You don't need the lines "Though neither of them knew it, Janie had been comparing them to each other in order to choose a mate from between them. Though he didn't know it yet, being able to swim tipped the scales in Clancy's favor." We get the hint from the passage above that swimming is important to her.
Just an artistic suggestion, it's your story. I still love it.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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I love your Western story, Earl.
I've just happened upon the book, namely because the chapter showed up first on the list. But, I liked it, and am going back to read the first chapters.
I like the way it feels and sounds authentic. It's cute the way the father wants the boy to learn to swim, and a good thing, too if he wants Janie.
One slight suggestion: You don't need the lines "Though neither of them knew it, Janie had been comparing them to each other in order to choose a mate from between them. Though he didn't know it yet, being able to swim tipped the scales in Clancy's favor." We get the hint from the passage above that swimming is important to her.
Just an artistic suggestion, it's your story. I still love it.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 17-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Thanks for giving it a try Rhonda and for the six stars. Learning to swim should be high on Doo's priorities, but we'll see. I hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
