Reviews from

Emily and the Toys

a 150 word story

31 total reviews 
Comment from JDRBAR
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

For a flash fiction you really pulled me into this. I think you need to expand on it LOL. What's scary is that with all the technology they listen to today, out kids just might start talking like that one day. Arrrggghhh! Great job.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
    Thank you for the great review.
Comment from JudyE
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a great entry and should do well. Sometimes it's hard for adults to 'play' with children. We so often get it wrong but not to worry - the kids will always set us straight. I don't have any suggestions. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 17-Mar-2019
    Thanks, Judy
Comment from BeasPeas
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

That's one way to get kids involved in governance. I enjoyed this amusing story and the fantastic image to accompany it. Sounds as if dad is below his pay grade. Marilyn

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 17-Mar-2019
    Thanks, Marilyn
Comment from 24chas
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This was too funny, Bill. I can picture this happening and laughing my butt off. I love the ending to it. Shadow government, indeed. Great write, keep it up.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019
    Thank you, Chas
Comment from susand3022
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Oh My goodness Bill, You're hysterical! To think... a little girl playing with dolls organizing a bloodless coup! LOL I love it! Actually I'm not too sure it's all that far off! The things kids are learning in Kindergarden today will astound you compared with the things we learned when we were there!

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019
    Thank you, Susan. Yes, they are quite precocious now.
Comment from Ulla
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

hahahah, Bill that is a clever little flash story. So the kid takes us all by surprise as so switched on. I like it a lot and I hope it will do well in the contest. All the best. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019
    Thank you, Ulla.
Comment from Marlene Shinn Lewis
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What fun--a great read! Hmm, wonder if that's how some of our tyrants got their start? Should we revisit the kinds of toys kids have? How about a ball--what could they do with a ball?! Well written.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019
    They were My Little Ponies. Hope they're not too dangerous. : )
Comment from Sarkems
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Ha ha, out of the mouths of babes, eh? I loved this. It all starts off perfectly sensibly; a little girl talking about her toys like they do. Then there's a, 'what'd she say?' moment - 'She and Pinky Pie are plotting a bloodless coup.'

I wonder if little Adolf sat with his toy soldiers and played 'invading Poland'? Great stuff, good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019
    Thanks, Sarkems. She was playing with these toys and told me their names. She is quite precocious for three, though I may have embellished her plans for their future.
Comment from Earl Corp
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is hilarious. I can't believe that this only used 150 words. It seemed much bigger, you packed a lot into it. You have my vote. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
    Thanks, Earl
Comment from F. Wehr3
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Very nice work on this flash fiction piece, Bill. I thought Emily's dialogue was hilarious. Good luck!

I found some minor spacing areas.

"Yes.They

You're having

government takes

Take care,
Russell

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
    Thanks, Russell.