Role Model
The world is a stage32 total reviews
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
The lights hypnotize the ones positioned at three and nine, but they send the other ten into attack mode. Lila screams and screams and screams, an operatic obligato to the low, guttural snaps and growls that encircle her. And then the screaming stops, and even from this distance, the sound of a feeding frenzy is unmistakable.
I return to the livingroom and start a fire, and, while it begins to swell, I make my way to the kitchen for a bag of marshmallows. SORRY I am out of sixes. a worthy winner this had me gripped. A fabulous ending too. superb just wish I had a six to give., love Meia xx
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2019
  |
The lights hypnotize the ones positioned at three and nine, but they send the other ten into attack mode. Lila screams and screams and screams, an operatic obligato to the low, guttural snaps and growls that encircle her. And then the screaming stops, and even from this distance, the sound of a feeding frenzy is unmistakable.
I return to the livingroom and start a fire, and, while it begins to swell, I make my way to the kitchen for a bag of marshmallows. SORRY I am out of sixes. a worthy winner this had me gripped. A fabulous ending too. superb just wish I had a six to give., love Meia xx
Comment Written 29-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2019
-
Who has sixes still on Saturday nights??!! Certainly not I. I appreciate your feedback and encouragement, Meia. xo
Comment from Sam Frearson-Tubito
Hi there, I absolutely loved this story. I was raptured from the start, scared stiff throughout and loved the ending. So true what you say in that you never really know anyone. Thanks for the story.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019
|
Hi there, I absolutely loved this story. I was raptured from the start, scared stiff throughout and loved the ending. So true what you say in that you never really know anyone. Thanks for the story.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019
-
Thanks for the terrific review! I appreciate it very much.
-
You're welcome!
Comment from Frank De layna
I enjoyed the story although the uncommon words took from it. Especially the word ensconced not a word in the dictionary. Some sentences are somewhat unconventional.
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
|
I enjoyed the story although the uncommon words took from it. Especially the word ensconced not a word in the dictionary. Some sentences are somewhat unconventional.
Comment Written 20-May-2019
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
-
Really? Ensconced isn't in the dictionary? Check again.
-
I stand corrected. Have a wonderful day.
Comment from judester
Great writing that draws the reader into the story. The mother, maintaining her cool while knowing the evilness of her daughter, is well created. I was on the edge of my seat. Dean has a contender in this department. Cheers,j
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2019
 |
Great writing that draws the reader into the story. The mother, maintaining her cool while knowing the evilness of her daughter, is well created. I was on the edge of my seat. Dean has a contender in this department. Cheers,j
Comment Written 18-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2019
-
What a really nice thing for you to say, Judester! I couldn't appreciate it more. xo
Comment from JanPerry
This has been placed under fiction. Thank goodness, to even ponder that a child could kill so many people is making me aghast. Though the way violence keeps entering our lives, it may be true.
So many clever descriptions in your piece.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
|
This has been placed under fiction. Thank goodness, to even ponder that a child could kill so many people is making me aghast. Though the way violence keeps entering our lives, it may be true.
So many clever descriptions in your piece.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
-
I hear what you're saying, Jan. Thank you for the encouraging review. xo
-
Sure. Lovely photo. Good luck with your writing!!
Comment from pome lover
OMG what a story!
You put Mr. Edgar Allen P, Rod Serling, Ray Bradbury, and others to shame! Holy cow - who gnu you were so macabre???
Congratulations on your story of the month win! Good going! You sure fooled me. However, now that I've paid more attention to your title, I should maybe have seen that coming. It is a really good, gotcha story - well written.
If you are planning to submit it to a magazine, may I suggest one thing that I thought as I was reading it?
Unless you have a word count you can't exceed, I would gradually reveal her murders instead of telling them all at once. Build the suspense. And maybe one or two examples of mental stress (or lessons learned) from her mother as she was growing up. (other than not letting her win) in games - a reason for turning out the way she did.
Your dialogue is good and natural and your plot idea is good.
Six stars for you!!
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
|
OMG what a story!
You put Mr. Edgar Allen P, Rod Serling, Ray Bradbury, and others to shame! Holy cow - who gnu you were so macabre???
Congratulations on your story of the month win! Good going! You sure fooled me. However, now that I've paid more attention to your title, I should maybe have seen that coming. It is a really good, gotcha story - well written.
If you are planning to submit it to a magazine, may I suggest one thing that I thought as I was reading it?
Unless you have a word count you can't exceed, I would gradually reveal her murders instead of telling them all at once. Build the suspense. And maybe one or two examples of mental stress (or lessons learned) from her mother as she was growing up. (other than not letting her win) in games - a reason for turning out the way she did.
Your dialogue is good and natural and your plot idea is good.
Six stars for you!!
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
-
What great suggestions those are, pome lover! I'll get right to work on that! Thank you very, very much for this so-encouraging review. xo
-
It's a great story - that's why you won-
and I just finished reading Humpwhistle's and Mark Valentine's entries, and they are two of the best - if not THE best, writers on FS, IMHO. So...muy bueno!!!
-
Gracias, mi amiga.
Comment from Realist101
Very enjoyable story, but the use of fancy words sort of takes away from the terrible situation. For me anyway. I like the ending. This reminds me of a movie called 'The Bleeding House', where the daughter is a killer. :)
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
|
Very enjoyable story, but the use of fancy words sort of takes away from the terrible situation. For me anyway. I like the ending. This reminds me of a movie called 'The Bleeding House', where the daughter is a killer. :)
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
-
I'll have to check that one out, Realist 101 (though I'm usually too much of a wussy for horror films. Ironic, right? I can WRITE horror but not watch it.) Anyway, thank you for your excellent review. xo
-
Hi Rachelle! That is odd!!! :D But very good story and I love it.
-
Thanks, Realist 101.
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
|
 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
-
Holy Moley!! This is some kind of fabulous way to begin my Sunday!! THANK YOU, Fan Story Committee.
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Rachelle, this a heck of a story. You had me completely fooled until I realised what was going on. Very well written and very well told. I was there in that cabin out in the middle of nowhere. What talent you've got. I wish I had a six. Kind regards. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
|
Wow, Rachelle, this a heck of a story. You had me completely fooled until I realised what was going on. Very well written and very well told. I was there in that cabin out in the middle of nowhere. What talent you've got. I wish I had a six. Kind regards. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 06-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
-
Oh, Ulla! You are always such an encouraging reviewer. I couldn't appreciate this review more. I absolutely love it. Thank you. xo
-
I hope you forgive my late review. I'm so hopelessly behind. It's a fantastic story! Ulla x
-
Forgive?! I think of it as an 'extended' gift - the term I give to birthday cards that come after the specified day. They extend the celebration - and who can't love THAT?! XO
-
Awe, thanks xx
Comment from LG Wolfe
Rachelle - this is one of the best short stories I've enjoyed in a long time. Wow - you can WRITE. I wish I had a six to give you. Looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
|
Rachelle - this is one of the best short stories I've enjoyed in a long time. Wow - you can WRITE. I wish I had a six to give you. Looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
-
oh, LG Wolfe, you sweet-talkin' reviewer, you!! Thank you for a PERFECT start to my morning. I've read your work, as well, which makes this the ultimate compliment. xo
-
That's so kind, thanks! Still experimenting but having fun with it.
