St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "St. Louis Chapter 1 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
42 total reviews
Comment from SLMorrical
This is very good. Why are people still shocked to see a woman in a role that use to be strictly a man's? This is already intriguing. I think that Logan is smitten with McKenzie. I am looking forward to reading more. I also think that Logan is going to be in awe at what McKenzie does as a PI. Very well done.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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This is very good. Why are people still shocked to see a woman in a role that use to be strictly a man's? This is already intriguing. I think that Logan is smitten with McKenzie. I am looking forward to reading more. I also think that Logan is going to be in awe at what McKenzie does as a PI. Very well done.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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I think you're correct. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ben Colder
LOL. I can see this happening. Follow that purple Dodge. This will be another good one Barbara. It is full of surprises. I can see a few feathers ruffled in this write but I bet it all turns out well. Interesting plot.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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LOL. I can see this happening. Follow that purple Dodge. This will be another good one Barbara. It is full of surprises. I can see a few feathers ruffled in this write but I bet it all turns out well. Interesting plot.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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I think some feathers will be ruffled. Thank you .
Comment from Sugarray77
Great job on this chapter for your book St. Louis. You have done a good job on setting things up, introducing the main characters... plus Arlo, and starting the initial attractions. I am looking forward to reading more.
Melissa
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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Great job on this chapter for your book St. Louis. You have done a good job on setting things up, introducing the main characters... plus Arlo, and starting the initial attractions. I am looking forward to reading more.
Melissa
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bhogg
And I though you were a German Shepard person. Loved this start. I know I sound like a broken record, but I've really learned from reading your work and how to drive a story with dialog. You started several sentences with conjunctions, which I guess is okay, especially since they were within dialog.
dad. Dad (echo. Maybe use He)
Regards, Bill
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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And I though you were a German Shepard person. Loved this start. I know I sound like a broken record, but I've really learned from reading your work and how to drive a story with dialog. You started several sentences with conjunctions, which I guess is okay, especially since they were within dialog.
dad. Dad (echo. Maybe use He)
Regards, Bill
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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Yes, in dialogue the rules change. We don't speak grammatically correct. I'll check out the other area.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
She's probably going out to work on his case...duh! There are many jobs that men think we can't do, but they're wrong, of course. He and Mac will fall in love by the end and get married. And of course, they'll work together to solve the murder case. All we need now are the details. (Getting some popcorn.) :)
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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She's probably going out to work on his case...duh! There are many jobs that men think we can't do, but they're wrong, of course. He and Mac will fall in love by the end and get married. And of course, they'll work together to solve the murder case. All we need now are the details. (Getting some popcorn.) :)
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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I hope you get enough popcorn for both of us. LOL Thank you for the support.
Comment from rheabug
As always, Barbara, this post shows what a good writer you are. I enjoyed reading this and look forward to additional posts. You never disappoint me and thank you for sharing this new endeavor. Hugs
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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As always, Barbara, this post shows what a good writer you are. I enjoyed reading this and look forward to additional posts. You never disappoint me and thank you for sharing this new endeavor. Hugs
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
What type of self-defense did you arm Mack with? I'm sure she will earn no merits unless she saves the macho male's life. As usual, this is very well written. Good luck with your new literary work.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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What type of self-defense did you arm Mack with? I'm sure she will earn no merits unless she saves the macho male's life. As usual, this is very well written. Good luck with your new literary work.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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Mac will be fully armed. I appreciate your support.
Comment from Chris Davies
Well written and kept my eyes glued to the page. The conflict in the initial meeting between Mac and Logan was good and will make for an interesting relationship. Nice hook at the end of this piece - I'm wondering where she's going. I'll look forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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Well written and kept my eyes glued to the page. The conflict in the initial meeting between Mac and Logan was good and will make for an interesting relationship. Nice hook at the end of this piece - I'm wondering where she's going. I'll look forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from giraffmang
Good start here. The hook of the crime is there and a very nice introduction to two of the main characters.
I still think you should rework those questions into a blurb of some sort. (but I won't mention it again)
I'm pretty sure you're not dad's old high school buddy."
- Dad's should probably be capitalised here.
McKenzie brushed a brown strand of hair from her cheek.- maybe reorder the description to 'brushed a strand of brown hair'.
"That's impossible, he's..." - it may be better to use the dash for the abruptness of the interruption rather than the ellipsis which is usually employed for trailing off.
McKenzie pointed to the framed license hanging on the wall behind her." - delete the speech marks from the end here.
Logan frowned. "Do think he's dumb enough to beat up my sister in front of me? - do you think?
All the best
G
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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Good start here. The hook of the crime is there and a very nice introduction to two of the main characters.
I still think you should rework those questions into a blurb of some sort. (but I won't mention it again)
I'm pretty sure you're not dad's old high school buddy."
- Dad's should probably be capitalised here.
McKenzie brushed a brown strand of hair from her cheek.- maybe reorder the description to 'brushed a strand of brown hair'.
"That's impossible, he's..." - it may be better to use the dash for the abruptness of the interruption rather than the ellipsis which is usually employed for trailing off.
McKenzie pointed to the framed license hanging on the wall behind her." - delete the speech marks from the end here.
Logan frowned. "Do think he's dumb enough to beat up my sister in front of me? - do you think?
All the best
G
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
I still think you should rework those questions into a blurb of some sort. (but I won't mention it again (I'm not exactly sure what you mean. I'll work on it.)
Thank you for the help, again. I have made the corrections.
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The questions posed in the background section
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is an excellent start, Barbara, and I'm looking forward to some good detective work. I'm pleased to see you have a dog in the story, but wish you could have borrowed, Drew's!! lol. Now to see how Mac gets the murderer. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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This is an excellent start, Barbara, and I'm looking forward to some good detective work. I'm pleased to see you have a dog in the story, but wish you could have borrowed, Drew's!! lol. Now to see how Mac gets the murderer. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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Wait until you meet Edgar.. I think you will like him. He's not a German Shepherd but pretty cool. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
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I look forward to meeting him! xx
